No contact after being dumped

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Billybob said:

I genuinely don’t get nothing from friends and I’m not being at her beck and call 

Ok. Tell her this then delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps. 

That way you can move forward in peace without dragging this out and rehashing the breakup.

[Billybob]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Tell her this then delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps. 

That way you can move forward in peace without dragging this out and rehashing the breakup.

I did politely and firmly tell her this morning that her words were confusing me and that the offer of friendship won’t help me moving forward so I won’t accept it….    She said ok but I’m still here if you need me..   thing is Iv never needed her, she’s always relied on me..   so why she thinks I’ll need her is a bizarre one..

I won’t need to block her as can’t see her stalking me or making any effort to contact me for no reason.  I’m happy to leave it open just incase of a real emergency she needed my help..

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Billybob said:

She said ok but I’m still here if you need me

Excellent. Now you can delete and block her knowing you spoke you mind and your anger at the breakup and (poorly placed) friendzone offer.

Sadly people like this think offering the friendzone and worse, candy coating the breakup with "I'll always love you" type saccharine BS words make them look better and somehow softens the blow.

 It's rubbish and it's good you told her off about it.

[glows]

1 hour ago, Billybob said:

I did politely and firmly tell her this morning that her words were confusing me and that the offer of friendship won’t help me moving forward so I won’t accept it….    She said ok but I’m still here if you need me..   thing is Iv never needed her, she’s always relied on me..   so why she thinks I’ll need her is a bizarre one..

I won’t need to block her as can’t see her stalking me or making any effort to contact me for no reason.  I’m happy to leave it open just incase of a real emergency she needed my help..

Frankly speaking you are not able to help anyone else until you help yourself first and by leaving that door ajar you are not healing. Your mind still thinks that the door is open to communication and you'll slip eventually, as you'll miss her as you've said above, and trick yourself into believing that she's a friend. It's the same cycle over and over and over again. You will be back to post about how she tells you this exact same thing in a week or a month. Let go. 

[Lotsgoingon]

No, no no ... In case of a real emergency, she calls her friends and family. That is no longer your duty or responsibility--and thinking it is just prolongs your hope that she'll change her mind. When you even think about an emergency (and you "being there") what you are really thinking is, if I perform well in an emergency, she'll see how valuable I am, and she may want to get back together. 

That's all nonsense--it's understandable nonsense for someone who has been dumped and is till hurting.

The truth is, we don't date people because they help us in an emergency. Nope.  

What you are also missing is this: when we break up with someone, we are saying I do not need you in my life, I don't need you for an emergency or for a good time. I'm fine and will be even happier and better without you in my life. I am breaking up with you because my life will be far better without you. That's what the person is saying and thinking. Your ex is being really irresponsible in all the "I'm here for you" nonsense--and you have been allowing yourself to be duped by her words. 

Cut the cord and move on. It's painful, but it's the best path. 

 

[Billybob]

18 hours ago, glows said:

Frankly speaking you are not able to help anyone else until you help yourself first and by leaving that door ajar you are not healing. Your mind still thinks that the door is open to communication and you'll slip eventually, as you'll miss her as you've said above, and trick yourself into believing that she's a friend. It's the same cycle over and over and over again. You will be back to post about how she tells you this exact same thing in a week or a month. Let go. 

I explained all this to her yesterday. Even after I had explained her telling me she still loves me and wants to remain friends was holding me back she still try’s to convince me that it was the truth..

reminding her of her actions towards me during the relationship was enough to make me not need her friendship,  even then she tried to accuse me of being nasty and horrible..  not sure if shy tried to guilt trip me by telling me she was all over the place and how much she cared for me…. As hard as it was I stuck to my guns and said I would of tried to solve any issues with the relationship but seen as that wasn’t an option I was terminating any chance of remaining friends….

she just doesn’t get or understand why I don’t want to remain friends saying I’m clearly not used to remaining friends after a relationship fails..   like everyone has told me, it doesn’t help me to heel..

Iv got to much going for me to waste my time and throw away my life on a women that doesn’t value what I gave her..

Edited November 6, 2021 by Billybob

[glows]

You're dragging this out unnecessarily. A person who doesn't want a friendship any longer ceases contact. They don't go into protracted conversations and debates about why or why not to be a friend. All you're doing entertaining any other further conversation is hoping to see if she still wants to be in relationship with you. Once you let go of that and accept that it's over, none of this matters. 

[stillafool]

She may love you but is no longer in love with you and that is why she told you to find someone to make you happy.  She can be your friend because her feelings have changed to friendship.  You can't be her friend because you are still in love with her and want more.  It's time for you to accept it's over.  Stop talking to her and block her so you can''t hear from her and do not stalk her social media.  If you try to hang around being her friend sooner or later you are going to meet the new guy she'll be dating and it will hurt you.  Leave her be now.

[Billybob]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

She may love you but is no longer in love with you and that is why she told you to find someone to make you happy.  She can be your friend because her feelings have changed to friendship.  You can't be her friend because you are still in love with her and want more.  It's time for you to accept it's over.  Stop talking to her and block her so you can''t hear from her and do not stalk her social media.  If you try to hang around being her friend sooner or later you are going to meet the new guy she'll be dating and it will hurt you.  Leave her be now.

Iv left well alone 😁…. She wanted to be friends for her benefit what ever that was..   there’s not much she can offer or that I need from someone like her so I’m out and enjoying the peace and quiet..

[stillafool]

Lot's of times the ex will offer friendship as a way of letting you down easy.  It makes them feel less guilty about the break up.

[Billybob]

Just now, stillafool said:

Lot's of times the ex will offer friendship as a way of letting you down easy.  It makes them feel less guilty about the break up.

To be fair she was genuine about wanting to be friends.  She likes men I. Her life. I had the pleasure of meeting 3 of her ex’s.. and had to endure conversations about several others. 😳…

She needs attention from men, she’s was more than happy to talk inappropriately about sex to other men in front of me which I throwned upon and for that I was classed as jealous..

reality is, with every day that pass now I realise what a lucky escape I had. 
 

 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Billybob said:

with every day that pass now I realise what a lucky escape I had. 

I agree,  Sorry but she sounds kind of trashy.  You can do better.

[Billybob]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree,  Sorry but she sounds kind of trashy.  You can do better.

Well she certainly had no boundaries,  and had very little respect for my feelings in respect to her actions..   despite everything, I realise why she has so many failed relationships..   I’m doing good no Iv realised and accepted everything..  I miss my cat more than her to be fair..🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

[JAKE022]

Dont repeat my mistakes and dont even ask yourself questions like „can i get her back or can i save this relationship” yes i know its hard but the truth is - if she wants to break up than break up with her, you are going to be sad for few weeks, but during that time go out with friends, meet new people and think about what do u want in new relationship that will come sooner or later, my ex broke up with me and i was asking myself same questions for 3 months, meanwhile she was already with another guy, he proposed to her after 0.5 year, but guess what as soon as i found out she was dating another guy not even a month after our bu - i decided to not give af and almost immidiately moved on, after next 3 months i met amazing girl, we have been dating for 5 months now, and she is everything i was looking for in a women, at the beginning i was playing really safe with her because i wanted to make sure she is really worth my time and it turns out that she is, i never met anyone like her, so dont put your energy on someone who wants to leave you, focus on the ones who wants to stay, be open minded and meet new people - great this are going to happen, trust me. Wish u luck !

[torn_heart]

On 11/5/2021 at 9:07 AM, Billybob said:

 

I won’t need to block her as can’t see her stalking me or making any effort to contact me for no reason.  I’m happy to leave it open just incase of a real emergency she needed my help..

Here is the issue. We have similar personalities you and I. But you generated a codependent relationship, sadly, if an emergency comes up she will contact you, she might even make you think that she wants to get back together, but it will only be while she gets the support she needs, afterwards you'll be back at square one. DONT LET HER USE YOU. DONT MISTAKE USEFULLNESS WITH LOVE.

[Billybob]

14 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

Dont repeat my mistakes and dont even ask yourself questions like „can i get her back or can i save this relationship” yes i know its hard but the truth is - if she wants to break up than break up with her, you are going to be sad for few weeks, but during that time go out with friends, meet new people and think about what do u want in new relationship that will come sooner or later, my ex broke up with me and i was asking myself same questions for 3 months, meanwhile she was already with another guy, he proposed to her after 0.5 year, but guess what as soon as i found out she was dating another guy not even a month after our bu - i decided to not give af and almost immidiately moved on, after next 3 months i met amazing girl, we have been dating for 5 months now, and she is everything i was looking for in a women, at the beginning i was playing really safe with her because i wanted to make sure she is really worth my time and it turns out that she is, i never met anyone like her, so dont put your energy on someone who wants to leave you, focus on the ones who wants to stay, be open minded and meet new people - great this are going to happen, trust me. Wish u luck !

Tnx mate,

it’s been a good 3 weeks since we split up. It’s been hard, even harder saying goodbye to me kitty but Iv now managed 3 days of no contact.. i miss my cat more than anything, as for her,  she talked a good game and never delivered, if I was the man she loved more than any other man then I pity anyone else..

[Billybob]

11 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Here is the issue. We have similar personalities you and I. But you generated a codependent relationship, sadly, if an emergency comes up she will contact you, she might even make you think that she wants to get back together, but it will only be while she gets the support she needs, afterwards you'll be back at square one. DONT LET HER USE YOU. DONT MISTAKE USEFULLNESS WITH LOVE.

Yes Iv come to realise I’m on the cusp of being codependent, In life I’m always giving and trying to please everyone else sacrificing my own needs..   not sue if this is an easy habit to change. Some people are givers and some are takers.  

[JAKE022]

24 minutes ago, Billybob said:

Tnx mate,

it’s been a good 3 weeks since we split up. It’s been hard, even harder saying goodbye to me kitty but Iv now managed 3 days of no contact.. i miss my cat more than anything, as for her,  she talked a good game and never delivered, if I was the man she loved more than any other man then I pity anyone else..

I feel you 100% me and my ex also shared cat and a dog. 
It is just a matter of time, just make sure to surround yourself with best friends and go out as often as you can, this helped me very much 

[Billybob]

On 11/6/2021 at 9:53 PM, glows said:

You're dragging this out unnecessarily. A person who doesn't want a friendship any longer ceases contact. They don't go into protracted conversations and debates about why or why not to be a friend. All you're doing entertaining any other further conversation is hoping to see if she still wants to be in relationship with you. Once you let go of that and accept that it's over, none of this matters. 

Hmmmm 🤔. I told you this was going to happen..

After 4 days of no contact and I'm starting to feel good.  Hayley txt me at 10pm last night asking how I was.  I was going to ignore it but decided to just say I was doing good hope you're ok...

Not that I'm interested in what she's doing.   She txt back saying she was doing good, she's rejoined the gym and getting stronger..     she was to [] ill to even have sex for over a year!!!

WhY the [] she telling me this? I told her Friday I wasn't interested in being friends?

Edited November 10, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Billybob said:

 decided to just say I was doing good hope you're ok...

I told her Friday I wasn't interested in being friends

Then why do you keep up the texting and chatting?

You need to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[Billybob]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Then why do you keep up the texting and chatting?

You need to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

I hadn’t, I’v been no contact for 4 days..  

 

she initiated this not me and I don’t have any contacts or associates linked with her..

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Billybob said:

She initiated.........

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. It's that simple.

[Billybob]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. It's that simple.

To be fair, I didn’t want to be that bitter..  she wanted the break up and she got it, I accepted it after 3 weeks..

why do I need to be so harsh? I’m not sitting around anymore wanting to be with her or wanting contact.  
 

it just seems harsh, she said she hadn’t blocked me because it was childish! Ha 

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Billybob said:

 she said she hadn’t blocked me because it was childish!

Well call your own shots instead of depending on her this much.

If you want to be friends and chitchat it's fine, but cursing and angry and whatnot because when you do chitchat you're still hurt you fuming that it's over... what's the point?

[Billybob]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Well call your own shots instead of depending on her this much.

If you want to be friends and chitchat it's fine, but cursing and angry and whatnot because when you do chitchat you're still hurt you fuming that it's over... what's the point?

Your right, I am fuming.. I just think the cheek of the woman, she knows I was deeply upset over the break up.  Look at her actions since, she has no regard for my feelings..