ufo8mycat Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 12 hours ago, TamBuktu said: t is a sham marriage with an elderly woman who resides in one of his properties and occasionally "mothers" him. Why do you feel the need to disparage his wife? Why do you want to insult her? She has done nothing wrong. Does it really make you feel more secure in your relationship with this man? it may be sham, it may be unfulling, yet he stays. Yet he has financial ties. If it was so unfulfilling he would just leave, yes? This is a man who, by your own reporting has never made a decision or action under his own volition. For Whatever reason, he is a passenger in his life. that’s on him, all the best in thinking he will change a life long pattern to choose you. More - I hope you choose yourself. The only person feeling secure here is him. It’s no way to live. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 1 hour ago, ufo8mycat said: Why do you feel the need to disparage his wife? Why do you want to insult her? She has done nothing wrong. Does it really make you feel more secure in your relationship with this man? it may be sham, it may be unfulling, yet he stays. Yet he has financial ties. If it was so unfulfilling he would just leave, yes? This is a man who, by your own reporting has never made a decision or action under his own volition. For Whatever reason, he is a passenger in his life. that’s on him, all the best in thinking he will change a life long pattern to choose you. More - I hope you choose yourself. The only person feeling secure here is him. It’s no way to live. See, I don’t see what I wrote about her as an insult. I just stated some facts that will explain my point there is no “happy family” or even a relationship of the type one would think romantic relationship would be. Since somebody asked- the “soft” evidence that they don’t sleep in the same room is 1) we text at any time of the night 2) he has weird sleep habits- always with sound/tv/music on- in his words because he needs him mind suppressed 3) the timing in which we have sex makes it virtually impossible them to do it unless it’s something non-penetrative Again, that’s just merely factual, and I’m focusing on him not her. I still stand by what I said last night- I need “hard” evidence for myself, no matter what happens… The fiduciary responsibility that I alluded it’s not in the financial realm… Although there are a few things that are shady from my perspective and again, I’ll need to verify to have a full context. I hate to say it but I agree he seems to take the passenger seat in his life… Di I believe in miracles? Maybe. Do I believe I’d be able to make more informed decision if I know the facts? For sure. Can I find out the facts? Yup, I’m just so scared… Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 13 hours ago, basil67 said: If he NEEDS to monitor certain things in the house - as in, something will go bad if he's not there - how can he ever leave? Thing is, he won't be able to leave until the thing he needs to monitor starts to take care of itself. Ok, I hate being cryptic but let say animals etc that need care but not 100% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Can I find out the facts? Yup, I’m just so scared… I would be more scared of wasting my life on a dead end relationship with a man who is unworthy - 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 13 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think he is already separated from her, but pretends to you that he is not because he doesn't have any intention of being with you full-time. It's convenient for him to lie to you so you don't expect more commitment than he is willing to offer you. He probably spends at least several of his nights with someone else altogether. Someone who is not his wife, and not you, either. The more you write, the more evident it becomes that you are in the dark about a lot of things regarding this man. That is very likely scenario actually. Anyhow, he agreed to stay over soon, let see if he does that. Yes, it’s still not answering my questions, and yes, I get back and forth between verifying what I have to verify and not doing it because I feel it’s a major breech if trust… Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 Just now, BaileyB said: I would be more scared of wasting my life on a dead end relationship with a man who is unworthy - If I get caught there might be consequences though.. But yeah, you’re right Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 13 hours ago, basil67 said: When it comes to analysing the feelings and motives of your AP, we (us and you) can only ever work on assumptions as none of us are in his head. Given that a person's words can be lies or even self delusional, the only logical approach is to judge one by their actions. That’s exactly my problem. His actions are so mismatched at some points that it feels like someone else is pulling the strings. He said something in the lines that he’s so used to doing what he’s doing (deflecting hard topics, never giving straight answers) that he did it with me non-intentionally the other night. I don’t know if he’s honest of course but I think he was… Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: If I get caught there might be consequences though.. Again, for perspective, healthy relationships don’t require you to verify that your partner is truthful and trustworthy and they don’t have “consequences.” 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Again, for perspective, healthy relationships don’t require you to verify that your partner is truthful and trustworthy and they don’t have “consequences.” We obviously have aggravating factor and the consequences won’t come from him:( Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 18 hours ago, TamBuktu said: Lol yes, it was a bad judgement call:/ So why are you here still disclosing information? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: So why are you here still disclosing information? At this point would it make a difference if I stop? Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 21 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: See, I don’t see what I wrote about her as an insult. I just stated some facts that will explain my point there is no “happy family” or even a relationship of the type one would think romantic relationship would be. You are creating distance between you and her a d why you are the better, more obvious choice/ It’s disparaging and it makes you a pick meisha. You gonna be 60 as well one day. regardless of what you say, they are a family unit. They may not be happy, but they are together. he also leaves you each night. It actually doesn’t matter where he goes. But he does go. He doesn’t stay with you. You deserve more than this. Everything you have written, he has mummy issues. And the man child don’t sound like he is leaving. don’t you want a fully formed adult? or are your happy parenting this guy? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 22 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: 25 minutes ago, BaileyB said: We obviously have aggravating factor and the consequences won’t come from him:( Cool, so she has power? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 3 minutes ago, ufo8mycat said: It’s disparaging and it makes you a pick meisha. You gonna be 60 as well one day. 👏 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 3 minutes ago, ufo8mycat said: Cool, so she has power? No, the people that I’ll need to involve in this.. Let’s just leave it at that Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 30 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: His actions are so mismatched at some points that it feels like someone else is pulling the strings. Nope, he’s just saying what he thinks you want to hear but doing what he wants to do. Really? He’s a puppet? If he was, why would you want that? I guess if he leaves her for you, he’d be your puppet, is that what you want? But I doubt he’s actually a puppet 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 8 minutes ago, ufo8mycat said: You gonna be 60 as well one day. At least the wife has (4!) kids and grandkids, if we are comparing life milestones that are apparently important to OP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, ufo8mycat said: You are creating distance between you and her a d why you are the better, more obvious choice/ It’s disparaging and it makes you a pick meisha. You gonna be 60 as well one day. regardless of what you say, they are a family unit. They may not be happy, but they are together. he also leaves you each night. It actually doesn’t matter where he goes. But he does go. He doesn’t stay with you. You deserve more than this. Everything you have written, he has mummy issues. And the man child don’t sound like he is leaving. don’t you want a fully formed adult? or are your happy parenting this guy? I’ll be 60 one day and most certainly will have different priorities then rather than playing house with a guy that can still have his own kids, his own family. It’s beyond cruel to take this away from someone, if you “caught” them in a low point of their lives… Like he was when they met. And no, he didn’t “complain”, he’s not a complainer, but facts are still facts:( Am I happy parenting him? I can assure you I am not and I don’t plan to take on this role, ever. He’s a very smart person who ended up being treated like garbage all his life (no, I’m not talking about her)- he’s the one that gives, gives, gives and ends up with losing himself. If I could get one thing out of this relationship- it will be to help him change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: Nope, he’s just saying what he thinks you want to hear but doing what he wants to do. Really? He’s a puppet? If he was, why would you want that? I guess if he leaves her for you, he’d be your puppet, is that what you want? But I doubt he’s actually a puppet I don’t think it’s her pulling the strings actually. Something/someone made him the way he is and he’s himself trying to rationalize it. I have my suspicions and it’s nothing good That’s why I’m not sharing it, especially that I haven’t verified yet. I think a person who has his abilities could have done better for himself. There are 2-3 facts that I’m building on, lol since yesterday I don’t feel like a partner but like a detective- not a good feeling Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 So SHE is responsible for the fact he doesn't have kids??? I am sorry but we are all responsible for our own decisions. HE knowingly entered into a relationship with an older woman. Didn't you say his preference is for older women? He chose the option HE wanted. The joy of kids or the joy of an older woman.. He is no victim 7 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 28 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: than playing house with a guy that can still have his own kids, his own family. It’s beyond cruel to take this away from someone, if you “caught” them in a low point of their lives… Like he was when they met. And no, he didn’t “complain”, he’s not a complainer, but facts are still facts:( Is he a toddler? She imprisoned him? Lol he has snowed you so well 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 25 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: I think a person who has his abilities could have done better for himself. In other words, you are saying your lover is an underachiever, basically a loser? Nice 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 34 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: - he’s the one that gives, gives, gives and ends up with losing himself. Is that what he told you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 1 hour ago, TamBuktu said: the timing in which we have sex makes it virtually impossible them to do it unless it’s something non-penetrative Is that deliberate on your part? Make sure you send him home satisfied. Does not stop them having sex in the night or first thing in the morning... OR do you have the morning slot covered too? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 (edited) Oh, please. She didn’t take away anything from him. What you and he are doing is cruel, OP. It’s cruel to interlope in someone else’s marriage and it’s cruel of him to have an affair. Edited November 19, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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