RebeccaR Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 13 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: He acted like he didn't expect I am seeing him this way but he's incredibly happy I do. So he is flattered by your devotion but he hasn’t stated he wants the same, or maybe he has but describes so many roadblocks that he clearly doesn’t Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 50 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Ok, I mentioned earlier she depends on him but I think it's more in terms of services than financially. She can easily pay her way, if she wants to It's hard to follow your thread because nothing is clear. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: his preferences and ways to approach are atypical. The entire thing is atypical, not withstanding the way that you talk in riddles, offer these trickle truths, and have stuck around for so long and still have the expectation that this is still going to work out and be what you want it to be… Edited November 8, 2021 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 25 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Guys, he’s sexually fine (physically) but his preferences and ways to approach are atypical. That’s all. And this atypical "non sex" is fine with you, or are you seeking to change that too? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: And this atypical "non sex" is fine with you, or are you seeking to change that too? Really? You are probably doing his wife a favor by having sex with him. No wonder she doesn't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, RebeccaR said: So he is flattered by your devotion but he hasn’t stated he wants the same, or maybe he has but describes so many roadblocks that he clearly doesn’t It very well could be or he really didn't know. As you see (lol) I am not communicating very clearly here and I am afraid I confused him to some extent. Examples: I took over an year to reciprocate his ILY. I am verbally very limited with my love expressions. I never brought up future in concrete terms. Just reading what I wrote, I am convinced to big extent I shot myself in the foot by being so vague with him Edited November 8, 2021 by TamBuktu Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: It's hard to follow your thread because nothing is clear. Ok then help me to make it clear. Shall I write a summary or what? I am not joking I don't know how to make it clear (without blasting our entire life stories here) Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: The entire thing is atypical, not withstanding the way that you talk in riddles, offer these trickle truths, and have stuck around for so long and still have the expectation that this is still going to work out and be what you want it to be… Yeah I guess. I am trying to get in rails. I love your signature btw. That's exactly how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: And this atypical "non sex" is fine with you, or are you seeking to change that too? It's perfectly fine with me but I can see why it won't be for the majority of women out there. It is just another aspect of what makes us a "bonded pair" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: It very well could be or he really didn't know. As you see (lol) I am not communicating very clearly here and I am afraid I confused him to some extent. Examples: I took over an year to reciprocate his ILY. I am verbally very limited with my love expressions. I never brought up future in concrete terms. Just reading what I wrote, I am convinced to big extent I shot myself in the foot by being so vague with him If all of this is true then how did you get the notion that he will marry and start a family with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: It's perfectly fine with me but I can see why it won't be for the majority of women out there. It is just another aspect of what makes us a "bonded pair" Seriously you should inform the wife of your affair because with this new revelation she may tell you to go ahead, with blessings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: If all of this is true then how did you get the notion that he will marry and start a family with you? By multiple things that were implied. And there is a whole world beyond words - actions, body language, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Seriously you should inform the wife of your affair because with this new revelation she may tell you to go ahead, with blessings. LOL I wish it was that simple. Or maybe it is. He shared a thing or two with her (adult) son and he wasn't impressed to put it mildly from what I've learned (sexual stuff not our relationship obviously) Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: By multiple things that were implied. And there is a whole world beyond words - actions, body language, etc. Yes and there's a difference between implications and facts. You are trying to build a life on implications. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 2 hours ago, TamBuktu said: I don't see them as red flags but as parts of his history, that's all. This comes back to what I saying before. You have no boundaries and will overlook everything if it means you can keep him in your life. If he is in fact still married, and his wife is aware of this as you think you she is, then you and his wife apparently have a lot in common. Funny how well that works out for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: He shared a thing or two with her (adult) son and he wasn't impressed to put it mildly from what I've learned (sexual stuff not our relationship obviously) I'm sorry I don't understand what this means in relation to my post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: I'm sorry I don't understand what this means in relation to my post. Ah I meant if her response anything like her kids, she is probably prudish in regards to his sexual preferences. So she might be indeed happy to get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 What is it you want, Tam? Him at any and all costs? If so, then I would just go about as you have been doing and wait until he decides, if he decides to divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 minute ago, TamBuktu said: Ah I meant if her response anything like her kids, she is probably prudish in regards to his sexual preferences. So she might be indeed happy to get rid of him. I don't think any grown man wants to hear any sort of sex talk from the man who is banging his mother. That's gross and disgusting. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Starswillshine said: What is it you want, Tam? Him at any and all costs? If so, then I would just go about as you have been doing and wait until he decides, if he decides to divorce. Unfortunately at this point that's what I'm thinking too. I'm spinning here a little because now the ball is in his court and I am waiting for his answers (which as you probably guessed - will take a bit of time) But it might be also good for me to stop overthinking or I'll drive myself insane. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 12 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: He shared a thing or two with her (adult) son and he wasn't impressed to put it mildly from what I've learned (sexual stuff not our relationship obviously) This is just weird, sorry. Why the hell would he share his sexual preferences with his step-son? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is just weird, sorry. Why the hell would he share his sexual preferences with his step-son? As an attempt of "guy talk" -to try to form some friendship connection which obviously failed Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 9 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Ah I meant if her response anything like her kids, she is probably prudish in regards to his sexual preferences. So she might be indeed happy to get rid of him. More likely the son was just put off by his stepfather’s oversharing. They really had such a conversation? I don’t think you can infer anything from a situation that must have been weird and uncomfortable for the stepson. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: As an attempt of "guy talk" -to try to form some friendship connection which obviously failed Sports is the obvious topic here. Politics isn’t a great choice these days but way better than sex, given their relationship. Is MM on the autism spectrum? (Several members of my family are, not judging, just curious) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: More likely the son was just put off by his stepfather’s oversharing. They really had such a conversation? I don’t think you can infer anything from a situation that must have been weird and uncomfortable for the stepson. I don't think he considers him a "stepfather", they are at similar age and got married the same year. The attempted dynamics was friendship, I wouldn't have done that but again, I am not him, Link to post Share on other sites
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