BaileyB Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 42 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Allright fine must have been me 1) not making it abundantly clear that the devil is in the details and the generics are hammered over and over here and elsewhere 2) that even if it is a typical relationship or whatever ones like to call it that's not the point and therefore the insights request for details 3) nobody shared personal experience good bad ugly whatever And if it wasn't clear here it is: this wording is for solely the forum reasons nobody uses affair, AP, MM, BM whatever language in real life nor think of it this way or I don't if someone else do great for them. It is called partners, relationship, development of relationship. The "BW" has never been mentioned as such hell this person is never ever a subject of a conversation in the "affair couple" but as you wish to believe, so be it And yeah, details + personal experience would have been great but in any case thank you thank you. This rather vague and abstract post pretty much proves Wiseman’s point. You obviously and rather arrogantly believe that your relationship is somehow different and special but it’s really just the same old story that is posted on this site so many times over… It’s quite clear that you have no intention of ending the relationship. You have obviously convinced yourself that your true love is to be found with another woman’s husband - even if that means that you will be required to share him. Personally, I hope you don’t waste too much of your youth and childbearing years while you wait for his wife to decide to divorce this man who you are so eager to claim for yourself. Best wishes! 8 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 13 hours ago, TamBuktu said: And that too. All three generations of family. Loving people. And who would assume none of them spoke up, ever? Did you ever work for his family? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 35 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: What can others’ personal experience do to answer your question? I went back and read that you (both?) want children right now but he’s not willing to initiate divorce. He doesn’t respond to pressure from you to get divorced. We can’t tell you the magic words that will make him leave his marriage. I agree with everyone else who says he is happy being in two relationships. Does he really want kids with you right now as you initially posted? Does he want you to be a single mom? Somethings’s not adding up. I have never applied pressure in fact the D word has never even been mentioned directly. He started talking about kids first. something is not adding up no doubt, the whole point of posting is to brainstorm what it it Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 13 hours ago, TamBuktu said: Is really the age such a big factor?? Asking seriously. People turn 50 and just give up life- is that common?? Scary No they don't give up life they are just more content at that age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Did you ever work for his family? No. Worked with W shortly on a project, family I know from family gatherings and when one of them was sick I was with him for moral support Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: No they don't give up life they are just more content at that age. Would you be content if childless and dreaming to raise a son? Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 4 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Would you be content if childless and dreaming to raise a son? He’s fantasizing. If he really wanted to do it he would have already. I think your error has been listening to his words instead of watching his behavior. There’s not much to brainstorm, he’s a cake eater in an affair and he doesn’t want to get divorced. Sorry that this is not the answer you are looking for. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 12 minutes ago, BaileyB said: This rather vague and abstract post pretty much proves Wiseman’s point. You obviously and rather arrogantly believe that your relationship is somehow different and special but it’s really just the same old story that is posted on this site so many times over… It’s quite clear that you have no intention of ending the relationship. You have obviously convinced yourself that your true love is to be found with another woman’s husband - even if that means that you will be required to share him. Personally, I hope you don’t waste too much of your youth and childbearing years while you wait for his wife to decide to divorce this man who you are so eager to claim for yourself. Best wishes! Exactly, I truly believe I found connection of lifetime and true love. And if it sounds arrogant - so be it. And yes, I'm ok with it except not ok to birth a kid out of wedlock which he;s more open to. That's the whole dilemma. Like any other relationship it might end I sincerely hope it doesn't as like any other person in a loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 1 minute ago, RebeccaR said: He’s fantasizing. If he really wanted to do it he would have already. I think your error has been listening to his words instead of watching his behavior. There’s not much to brainstorm, he’s a cake eater in an affair and he doesn’t want to get divorced. Sorry that this is not the answer you are looking for. It wasn't possible - poor partner choice, but i hear you, if he was committed to the idea he wouldn't have chosen barren wombs.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 5 hours ago, elaine567 said: It is also about a fundamental lack of respect for both women. It sounds like it but I never once felt disrespected and I don't think the other party did either. The cake eating and having is true obviously but juggled with finness Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: It's a pattern for him to stay out late. Lot's of business men come home late from work and their wives are used to it. Since this is his pattern he could very easily have affairs on the side and she would never suspect him because coming home late is what she's used to from him. She stays because she has no idea and doesn't suspect him of doing wrong, he provides everything she wants and needs so she's happily living with her head in the clouds. He has his little affairs and comes home to his happy wife. This guy has got it made. He's not in that industry type. He could clock home at 5p if he wanted to. He didn't for 9/10 of their time together. How can she be a happy wife never seeing her beloved? And living separate lives? I mentioned family functions including weddings and baby showers. I was there sometimes. She wasn't ever. Not even once. And was it mentioned - she's never home either? Lives full life of social events.. that never involve the beloved MMM. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 11 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: Would you be content if childless and dreaming to raise a son? Well I'm married, childless and very content. If I were a woman who had wanted kids I would be sure to marry a single man who wanted the same. I wouldn't be chasing someone elses husband to make that happen. That's a dead end street. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: I'm ok with it except not ok to birth a kid out of wedlock which he;s more open to. Of course he would be, he doesn't have to rock the boat at home, nor does he have to totally commit to you. He can still flit back and forth as is his wont... 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Well I'm married, childless and very content. If I were a woman who had wanted kids I would be sure to marry a single man who wanted the same. I wouldn't be chasing someone elses husband to make that happen. That's a dead end street. You know I tried the other way- I was engaged to someone desperate for white picket fence and kids pronto....never been as miserable in my life, not because of these desires of him, but regardless of them. Some counseling and months later the realization was we were together for the common goals and thats about it. I praise Lord daily that we didn't marry... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Of course he would be, he doesn't have to rock the boat at home, nor does he have to totally commit to you. He can still flit back and forth as is his wont... That's exactly why I won't do it... I am itching to do it and able to be SM but don't want to enable that Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 4 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: He's not in that industry type. He could clock home at 5p if he wanted to. He didn't for 9/10 of their time together. How can she be a happy wife never seeing her beloved? And living separate lives? I mentioned family functions including weddings and baby showers. I was there sometimes. She wasn't ever. Not even once. And was it mentioned - she's never home either? Lives full life of social events.. that never involve the beloved MMM. Obviously he provides her with the finances to do what she wants to do. If she's not home by 5 why should he be? They probably get home at the same time so she isn't missing anything because regardless of what he/she is doing they both come home to each other. You have no idea what is going on inside their house and walls. One thing is for sure whatever she's doing is working because he isn't going anywhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Of course he would be, he doesn't have to rock the boat at home, nor does he have to totally commit to you. He can still flit back and forth as is his wont... Or, probably get another OW who isn't saddled with a baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: Or, probably get another OW who isn't saddled with a baby. The language is amusing but this Man is the type to take care of kids of exes from other men and to think he’ll leave his flesh and blood sounds as likely as getting hit by asteroid Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 15 minutes ago, stillafool said: Obviously he provides her with the finances to do what she wants to do. If she's not home by 5 why should he be? They probably get home at the same time so she isn't missing anything because regardless of what he/she is doing they both come home to each other. You have no idea what is going on inside their house and walls. One thing is for sure whatever she's doing is working because he isn't going anywhere. So you really don’t see any issue not spending any quality time with your “husband”? If it’s that.. is that really a “marriage” or some kind of adult joke? Did you got cheated on in the past? sounds like displaced hatred, it happens to all of us Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, TamBuktu said: If it’s that.. is that really a “marriage” or some kind of adult joke? They are legally married and he goes home to her every night. So it's unclear who the joke is on. Maybe both of you? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 1 minute ago, TamBuktu said: So you really don’t see any issue not spending any quality time with your “husband”? If it’s that.. is that really a “marriage” or some kind of adult joke? Did you got cheated on in the past? sounds like displaced hatred, it happens to all of us Typical, accusing someone of being a BS because you don’t like the advice. Tam, whether one not you avoid the word, you are in an affair. He has told you that leaving his marriage is a nightmare - maybe listen to his words too. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: Typical, accusing someone of being a BS because you don’t like the advice. Tam, whether one not you avoid the word, you are in an affair. He has told you that leaving his marriage is a nightmare - maybe listen to his words too. the word "marriage" frankly has never been mentioned before this thread... In real life she gets you-know-who or the-little-complication title and that's only if i ask otherwise it's business as usual ...Sounds cold and I guess it is on their end Link to post Share on other sites
Author TamBuktu Posted October 30, 2021 Author Share Posted October 30, 2021 Just now, TamBuktu said: the word "marriage" frankly has never been mentioned before this thread... In real life she gets you-know-who or the-little-complication title and that's only if i ask otherwise it's business as usual ...Sounds cold and I guess it is on their end and so that people don't get raged..... I bet this is because of the years of unhappiness and helplessness not because he's some kind of a villain, i'm already dreading the comments Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 Just now, TamBuktu said: the word "marriage" frankly has never been mentioned before this thread... In real life she gets you-know-who or the-little-complication title and that's only if i ask otherwise it's business as usual ...Sounds cold and I guess it is on their end Why don’t you just ask him your questions instead of asking us? I’m frankly confused. He doesn’t admit to being married? He wants you to bear his bio kid? His wife and family have met you. Is it possible they are setting you up as a surrogate uterus for themselves? That’s more likely this ending happily ever after for you. I hope I’m wrong about the surrogacy idea but stranger things have happened. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 Just now, RebeccaR said: Why don’t you just ask him your questions instead of asking us? I wonder this on every one of these OW threads where the couple is “in love”. If you’re in love just ask him directly! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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