I Survived a GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome) Breakup

[BentbutnotBroken1]

About 5 years ago, I poured through this website, looking for any answers that could predict what would happen after my breakup. What I really wanted was something like "Do you meet this criteria? If so, things will unfold as x, y, and z". I never did find that as everyone is different and circumstances change. There's no way to predict the future and the only way past it is through. 

Backstory: I had been with my GF (at the time 26 and me 28) for two years. We had a great relationship. She was loving, funny, smart, and attractive. We had supported each other through really bad times and really good times. The only issue we had was with my anxiety and insomnia. Having bad anxiety, she wanted to be supportive and let me know I could always talk to her. Unfortunately, I think my condition was what started turning the wheels for her.

She had just started a new job that she wasn't happy with. She had just finished school and was staring at a mountain of debt. She also had to take the first job that was offered to pay her bills and move in with 4 of her friends from school. Then the other guy came in... At first, I wasn't too worried. He was a friend of a friend and no one seemed to like him. He was almost like Gatsby in a sense that he had no friends, but was able to do these lavish parties and rent out suites for games/concerts. He also had this bizarre backstory where he said he had won a grant for hundreds of thousands to develop software which supported his adventurous lifestyle that he publicized on social media.

When the holidays came, she ended up having to work through Christmas and I asked her if I could go home to see family. She was supportive, but let me know a few times that she wished I would stay with her. I went away for 10 days and when I came back, she was a different person. She was cold and standoffish. Everything I did seemed to annoy her. I went into overdrive trying to make things right but every time I did, she would raise the bar. We were both starting our career in New York but she now wanted to move down south to the beach. Then she wanted to travel more (which neither of us could afford). Then buy a house. etc.

What Happened: After three weeks of her being hot/cold, she left my place on a Sunday morning to go run errands. She gave me a kiss of the forehead and left. I didn't know it then, but that would be the last time I would see her. The next day, I got a breakup text. After two years, discussing marriage, meeting each others families, I got a single text ending it all. 

At first, I didn't take it too seriously. I thought she needed some time to herself to sort things out and the break would be good for us. But then two weeks later, I went to dinner with friends and a person told me "I'm so happy you're not with her anymore. It's been three weeks since the breakup and she's on vacation with that guy in the Caribbean". My entire world shattered. I knew this new guy had been flirting with her, but I couldn't believe she would jump into bed with someone else so quickly.

The next year was the hardest of my life. It took so much effort just to get out of bed in the morning. Everything sucked. I would walk home from work and see her posting new photos on instagram of them in Europe, or the South Pacific, or some resort. Meanwhile, I was just getting by. I eventually unfollowed her from everything but still, I would desperately want to know what she was doing. It was without a doubt the lowest point in my life and it lasted a year.

Making a Change: I wanted to stay in New York because I hung onto the hope that maybe she would come back to me. I would poll my friends and ask relatives their thoughts. I hated my job and that began to effect my work performance. I was sinking fast.

I had always talked about going back to grad school to get another degree, but because of her, I only applied to schools that were close by. I eventually applied to a few other places out of state, but still wasn't ready to move. I got letters back from universities and saw how much tuition would be. I was back to being in a tailspin. Then I got a late letter from another grad program. I had been accepted and they were willing to cover the majority of tuition. I was stuck. I still hung on to her but this was a great opportunity. I gave work my two weeks notice, packed up my car, and headed out.

The two years I spent in school were therapeutic. I was able to focus on class instead of her. The physical distance also helped. I wouldn't have to worry about running into her or overhear mutual friends talking about her. It was exactly what i needed.

You can believe in God, karma, the universe, etc., but I've found that life has a funny way of working out. You can never make sense of your current situation until some time has passed and you can connect the dots. For me, I prayed that she would come back and that I could put my life back together. But if she hadn't left, it wouldn't have put in motion the plans for the life i'm living now. In an ironic twist of fate, I was recruited out of grad school to come work for a large company who's headquarters are in the city she had said she wanted to move to. I now have a house, a dog, a loving girlfriend, and a good career where i'm not living day to day. I don't know much about what she's up to, but I think she's still living in the same apartment in New York with the other guy, working the same job and still trying to make life changes. Since she got with him, she's distanced herself from all her friends which is great for me so I can go to their weddings without the awkwardness of running into her.

So much of my story is just taking things a day at a time. I went through a period where I thought "If i can just get this high paying job, buy that house, get that dog, she'll come back to me". But things like that don't happen over the course of a day, week, or even a month. It was a long period of going through crap to get to a better place. At my lowest point, I thought everything was hopeless. Looking back, I see how all those things needed to happen in order to get the life I wanted.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, BentbutnotBroken1 said:

I now have a house, a dog, a loving girlfriend, and a good career where i'm not living day to day.

Just curious what's making you think about this now that you've got a new life, job, relationship?

[BentbutnotBroken1]

I had a friend come to me this month with a very similar situation. His SO left him for another guy and he's having a hard time dealing with it. I told him my story and then I thought I would post it here since I spent so many hours on this forum. Hoping my story could help a few other people.

[Pumpernickel]

This is a great story. Congratulations! You sound happy and fulfilled. 

I think we've all been there, and at the end of the day, even if there's no third party involved, every breakup has some GIGS in it. And you made he best of it. Bravo!

 

[newheart]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story, full of hope!  I am quite a bit older than you, but have been thinking about going back to school for my MBA and ironically, was just reading up on something about this today.  Maybe it is time!