Had hope

[mortensorchid]

Went out last night for Halloween.  I had dressed up as Cheetah from Wonder Woman 1984 and went to a rock club I used to frequent years ago when I was in full blown party mode in my early / mid 20s.  I met this guy and we got to talking - he was dressed as a Roman soldier and he was quite hot honestly.  And we exchanged phone numbers.  And he gave me a kiss even though I was wearing fangs ha ha ha...

He texted me today around noon and said hi there want to come over?  I was working and didn't reach out again until he texted me around 4 pm again "how about now?"  I said I was still working ( as a driving instructor) and he said oh right he forgot.  I texted him in the evening that I managed to remove my fangs (they were the kind with a dental adhesive) he said want to meet up?  I said not tonight settled in maybe this week Friday would be good for me.  Nothing.

I feel stupid.  I sent him a photo of myself saying this is what I actually look like (I had makeup and a costume and a wig on after all).  

[balletomane]

Mo, you did what you always do with interested men - you put them off with vague prospect of meeting and then get upset when they don't chase you. "Maybe we can meet a week on Friday" isn't keen. The maybe kills it. It's lukewarm at best, suggesting you'll fit him into your schedule if nothing better turns up. At worst it makes you sound like you're trying to reject him without actually saying so outright. Here was a guy who was eager to see you today, and the best way to show him the interest was mutual would have been to set a firm date. Soon. No "maybes". Once again, you were acting pretty cold and uninterested but expecting to be met with unwavering eagerness in return. Why?

Edited November 1, 2021 by balletomane

[mortensorchid]

21 minutes ago, balletomane said:

Mo, you did what you always do with interested men - you put them off with vague prospect of meeting and then get upset when they don't chase you. "Maybe we can meet a week on Friday" isn't keen. The maybe kills it. It's lukewarm at best, suggesting you'll fit him into your schedule if nothing better turns up. At worst it makes you sound like you're trying to reject him without actually saying so outright. Here was a guy who was eager to see you today, and the best way to show him the interest was mutual would have been to set a firm date. Soon. No "maybes". Once again, you were acting pretty cold and uninterested but expecting to be met with unwavering eagerness in return. Why?

I said I wanted to meet on Friday as this week is busy.  I was being eager and not cold, it's difficult when you are so used to using that as a mechanism to keep others at bay or from hurting you.  But they end up doing so as well.  Besides, I didn't want to appear too easy / available I mean I have other things to do with my time as I am sure do others.  When I have been interested or showing interest I still get shot down.  You can't win.  I must accept this.

[BaileyB]

I feel like he was looking to hookup. If he can’t plan a date for Friday, he’s not that interested. Sorry. 

[ajequals]

I too feel he was just looking for a hookup. After all. that's what bars and clubs are for . The guy you seek isn't going to be there   This time of year the mall or a bank might be more fruitful Years ago and I mean years I remember finding my first girlfriend at Kmart of all places Too bad they are not around anymore. 

[elaine567]

8 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Besides, I didn't want to appear too easy / available I mean I have other things to do with my time as I am sure do others. 

You always seem to have other better things do with your time, and it is not a good look when you are supposed to be actively dating.
Few guys really want someone who is always busy and can "kind of fit him in" at the end of the week.
Maybe you could get away with it if you had an enthusiastic, lively and warm personality to persuade him you actually like him, but it seems you are more of the dead pan, keep it all in type. 
Here he will have got the impression you rejected him.
If you want to date, then just date. Make time. Finding a partner is important, you don't need to justify it or squeeze it in.
If you don't want to date, don't date, fill your time with  all your other interests and hobbies and work.

[Blind-Sided]

Stop going to "Parties/Clubs" looking for dates.  As said above... people are drunk, and looking for hook-up's.   You aren't in your 20's anymore, and you are looking for something more than a hook up.  

[introverted1]

I don't think "you want to come over?" is an invitation for a date. It's a hookup, as others have said.  Ergo, I don't think it matters whether you offered Friday or Tuesday or any other day, or how enthusiastic your tone was: unless your offer tacitly included hooking up, he wasn't going to bite.

 

[mortensorchid]

Yeah most likely.  Ah well it's alright I guess.  Life goes on even though I was disappointed in it.  I feel sad at times because they show what they are really all about rather quickly.  Next. 

[Happy Lemming]

12 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

 I texted him in the evening that I managed to remove my fangs (they were the kind with a dental adhesive) he said want to meet up?  I said not tonight settled in maybe this week Friday would be good for me.  Nothing.

I understand "working"... you have to work to pay your bills, but once you got off from work you could have suggested a local restaurant/bar to grab a drink and some appetizers.  Grab a shower, have a cup of coffee to two and get out there.

"Strike while the iron is hot" - Sir Walter Scott

[czanclus]

11 hours ago, balletomane said:

Mo, you did what you always do with interested men - you put them off with vague prospect of meeting and then get upset when they don't chase you. "Maybe we can meet a week on Friday" isn't keen. The maybe kills it. It's lukewarm at best, suggesting you'll fit him into your schedule if nothing better turns up. At worst it makes you sound like you're trying to reject him without actually saying so outright. Here was a guy who was eager to see you today, and the best way to show him the interest was mutual would have been to set a firm date. Soon. No "maybes". Once again, you were acting pretty cold and uninterested but expecting to be met with unwavering eagerness in return. Why?

I disagree. She didn't kill any mood other than communicate she isn't willing to drop everything on a snap and show up to a stranger's house. She suggested another - conventional for a date - day in the near future. The guy seems so shamelessly casual with the 'wanna come over' level of communication, that even if a woman were to reply with 'sure! getting into Uber now. text me the address?', it would've scared him and he would've blocked the nympho freak.

Don't feel stupid, mortensorchid, just keep your expectations well in check. He didn't follow up on your text because he's not really interested in getting to know you as a person. It was an easy, no-strings-attached kiss at a bar, he'll ping you again on Friday afternoon if nothing better comes along, which probably will not. If he's hot, hit it, then move on.

[czanclus]

16 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I understand "working"... you have to work to pay your bills, but once you got off from work you could have suggested a local restaurant/bar to grab a drink and some appetizers.  Grab a shower, have a cup of coffee to two and get out there.

or... DON'T. don't embrace the hustle. don't you be the one to keep the delicate snowflake (casual dudeboy) at just the right STP conditions lest they forget what they are even doing in this 'hostile' world where... gasp!... they have to construct full, preferably grammatically accurate, sentences directed at women, with... wait for it... communicated intentionality of continued meaningful interaction. 🤯 He could have just as easily suggested the same. No apologies. Not you. Next.

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, czanclus said:

or... DON'T. don't embrace the hustle.

The OP has had difficulty dating in the past... playing "hard to get" doesn't work for her.

[czanclus]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

The OP has had difficulty dating in the past... playing "hard to get" doesn't work for her.

I don't believe there was any worthwhile game to be 'played' in this case, but just curious (for myself, my friend, and a small village of fellow confused women), is "Friday would be better" considered playing "hard to get" with kids today?

[elaine567]

MO plays hard to get just about every  time. She is rarely available,  she is too busy, she is too tired, she is baking cakes, she is generally hard to pin down as she wants him to chase her.... but she rarely gives him any impression that she wants to be chased.
Men tell her they cannot read her, they haven't a clue whether she likes them or not. and with her usual unavailability when they try to get together with her, means they just give up.

[NuevoYorko]

Please put some thought into how you can avoid becoming bitter and jaded.  You do let these disappointments get you down, and you appear to be quite isolated.   I'm sure this sounds lame - but it's your life.   We're all getting older.  We all have been let down and even devastated in any number of ways.  This could be you as well.  Try not to let this define you.  There is still joy to be had and people (not necessarily potential romantic partners but certainly could be) who are good, want the best for their friends, and are trying their best to embrace life.   Try to connect with them and enjoy them, and let these encounters fall to a less primary aspect of your self worth.

Maybe picking a more hopeful profile picture could be a start.

[ShyViolet]

Any man who texts you "wanna come over?" the day after you meet, that is a man just looking for a hookup.  I think that's pretty obvious.

[Versacehottie]

actually I think you did things pretty/really well this time around....with the exception of how you characterize what happened.  While it's normal to be disappointed, it really seems like all he was looking for was a hookup.  That doesn't fit what you were looking for and you did pretty well with your communication and sending a photo and putting yourself out there.  

Maybe if you just embrace that not everything works out as you hoped (or anyone hopes) you won't be so disappointed.  There definitely in PROGRESS in the way you've handled this interaction and that is what you should latch onto (not the fact that it didn't turn into a relationship).

[OatsAndHall]

Come on Mo... What is there to be disappointed about here? The guy asked if you wanted to "come over" and he doesn't even know you. I seriously doubt he had any intention other than trying to get into your pants... No big loss there...

[flitzanu]

agreeing with the others.  if i met a hot girl at a party that i was interested in pursuing, i wouldn't simply be texting the next day asking if she "wants to come over" 

this reeks of hookup and not date

[Els]

Sounds like he wanted no-strings-attached sex.

It's true that you sounded non-committal. But in this particular case, unless you're looking for casual sex too, I don't think you missed out on much.

[balletomane]

5 hours ago, czanclus said:

I don't believe there was any worthwhile game to be 'played' in this case, but just curious (for myself, my friend, and a small village of fellow confused women), is "Friday would be better" considered playing "hard to get" with kids today?

On its own, not at all. As part of the OP's dating pattern, yes. Whenever a man she's interested in invites her to do something, she will often give a vague answer and refuse to commit to a firm time, so nothing ever happens - at least in the stories she shares here. She has also said in an earlier thread that she tries to act cold with potential dates on purpose. "Maybe a week Friday" sounds like similar stalling and vagueness.

OP, I understand this is borne out of anxiety and fear of being hurt, but you can't expect potential dates to understand or accept that. It is reasonable for them to assume that if you're actively looking to date, then you're emotionally available to date. I think you should also consider that this strategy of yours may be causing you more pain than it protects you from.

[Wiseman2]

Have you seen the movie "Looking for Mr. Goodbar"? It's about this type of scenario.

7 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Yeah most likely.  Ah well it's alright I guess.  Life goes on even though I was disappointed in it.  I feel sad at times because they show what they are really all about rather quickly.  Next. 

 

[Girl Fade Away]

18 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I texted him in the evening that I managed to remove my fangs (they were the kind with a dental adhesive) he said want to meet up?  I said not tonight settled in maybe this week Friday would be good for me.  Nothing.

I feel stupid.  I sent him a photo of myself saying this is what I actually look like (I had makeup and a costume and a wig on after all).  

Could it be possible he found you more attractive in your costume?   Imagining what was behind it?  Once seeing the *real* he wasn't so enamored?  No matter what we look like, we are never everyone's cup of tea.  I have a friend who used to model pro, she was on the cover of many magazines and not every man thought she was attractive.  Looks are subjective.

[Happy Lemming]

5 hours ago, czanclus said:

...is "Friday would be better" considered playing "hard to get" with kids today?

The OP is in her mid-40's... hardly a kid.