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Is this just flirting?


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Last summer during the pandemic I emailed some friends and acquaintances to check in and see how they were doing, sharing simple encouragement and inspirational quotes. One recipient was a woman who teaches art at a local community college where I was attending adult ed classes. I was never in any of her classes, but she seemed slightly flirtatious when we'd cross paths between classes. We actually met several months before then at a mutual friend's party. 

That casual email started a pen pal friendship that has lasted over a year now. Most of our notes have been short and light, though some have been deeper. Just when I think the long thread has died, she'll email again just to say hi. This year we have crossed paths IRL a few times, and there seems to be a little spark or at least mutual admiration.

Yes, she's married. Her website bio mentions she's married, but she never talks about her husband. I've known her for 2 years and have never met or even seen him. Her FB and IG have no pics of him. Whenever I see her around town, she's alone or with a female friend or colleague. 

Is this just flirting? I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer about these kinds of things. Also, there is a wide age difference, 15 years or so (I'm older -- and single). I'd love to just hang out with her as friends (or more) but don't even know how to suggest we meet up without feeling guilty. Yes, I have hangups about dating a married woman but would not rule it out if she made the first move! Or should I do it and how?
 

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If you feel you must do it, then ask her out for coffee. I don't recommend it as she is married. It's in poor taste overall and shows lack of judgment or respect for others' relationships/marital status. 

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30 minutes ago, Wondering said:

Yes, she's married. . Also, there is a wide age difference, 15 years or so (I'm older -- and single). I'd love to just hang out with her as friends (or more) but don't even know how to suggest we meet up without feeling guilty

It's ok to have a crush but don't ask married women out, even if they are sociable and friendly. Stay friends but date single women. Perhaps she has some single friends?

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Thanks guys that's what I figured! I will save myself and her the heartache. But I do still wonder why married women are so flirty! Don't they know any better? 😃

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1 minute ago, Wondering said:

Thanks guys that's what I figured! I will save myself and her the heartache. But I do still wonder why married women are so flirty! Don't they know any better? 😃

Your perception may be skewed or she's inappropriate in general. No sense breaking it down. Only worry about yourself and enjoy meeting single women.

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1 hour ago, Wondering said:

Yes, she's married. Her website bio mentions she's married, but she never talks about her husband. I've known her for 2 years and have never met or even seen him. Her FB and IG have no pics of him. Whenever I see her around town, she's alone or with a female friend or colleague. 

It would be unwise to make assumptions. If you want to know what her relationship status is, just ask her. 

Personally, I wonder if she is being friendly and you are interpreting this as flirtatious. 

Just remember, unhappily married is still married. ;)  So many people come to this site with so many excuses, “I know she is married buy she says that she is not happy. They don’t do anything together. They are only together out of obligation.” And on and on it goes… First of all, people who are cheating or attempting to cheat on their spouse lie. And second, unhappily married people are still married.

Save yourself some grief and keep your distance. Best wishes. 

 

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8 hours ago, Wondering said:

Thanks guys that's what I figured! I will save myself and her the heartache. But I do still wonder why married women are so flirty! Don't they know any better? 😃

Well, why do older single guys try to flirt with younger married women? Don't they know better? 

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12 hours ago, Wondering said:

Thanks guys that's what I figured! I will save myself and her the heartache. But I do still wonder why married women are so flirty! Don't they know any better? 😃

Just like men, they get a little dopamine rush and validation of their desirability by flirting. Married makes it feel safe, as if both know it could never go any further... unless someone were to make a bold move and take it further.

So with your married woman it sounds like she might be attracted to you, and all warmed up after a year of whatever you call it. Flirtation? My guess is that she's waiting on you to make the bold move. Or you could escalate in a more nuanced manner and see if she's receptive. I could be wrong, but it seems to me she's sending you green-light signals.

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Johnjohnson2017
22 hours ago, Wondering said:

Last summer during the pandemic I emailed some friends and acquaintances to check in and see how they were doing, sharing simple encouragement and inspirational quotes. One recipient was a woman who teaches art at a local community college where I was attending adult ed classes. I was never in any of her classes, but she seemed slightly flirtatious when we'd cross paths between classes. We actually met several months before then at a mutual friend's party. 

That casual email started a pen pal friendship that has lasted over a year now. Most of our notes have been short and light, though some have been deeper. Just when I think the long thread has died, she'll email again just to say hi. This year we have crossed paths IRL a few times, and there seems to be a little spark or at least mutual admiration.

Yes, she's married. Her website bio mentions she's married, but she never talks about her husband. I've known her for 2 years and have never met or even seen him. Her FB and IG have no pics of him. Whenever I see her around town, she's alone or with a female friend or colleague. 

Is this just flirting? I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer about these kinds of things. Also, there is a wide age difference, 15 years or so (I'm older -- and single). I'd love to just hang out with her as friends (or more) but don't even know how to suggest we meet up without feeling guilty. Yes, I have hangups about dating a married woman but would not rule it out if she made the first move! Or should I do it and how?
 

Maybe her website bio is not up to date. Maybe she is either divorced or seperated. The only way to know is to ask her. It's strange that she never mentions her husband or that you never see her out with him. 

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On 11/1/2021 at 3:08 PM, Wondering said:

Thanks guys that's what I figured! I will save myself and her the heartache. But I do still wonder why married women are so flirty! Don't they know any better? 😃

My husband's ex-wife had an affair that started this way.  Gross.  If she's willing to cheat with you, or lead you on like she is, she's probably not a very good person.  I'd steer clear :)

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