Is this cheating if we have not discuss about being exclusive

[Alana16]

Hi, i have been dating a 34 year old man for about 5 months. I am 25 years old. I have asked him a couple of times what is he expecting of the relationship and he always says to me that he wants to take things slow, that he does want things to work between us but is too soon to know it. He says that he likes me and i like him so so much. I am super picky but i like almost everything about him.

Sometimes, he hurts my feelings because we usually only see each other like every 2 weeks, almost all the time we go to his place and we watch movies, we play and of course, we have sex. He has not introduced me to any family member or friends.

I got very sad once and i told him that i was not ok with only seeing him every 2 weeks, he told me that is not his intention but with the restriction because of the pandemic, sometimes is hard and he told me that i could stay the night at his place some day. I don't know where i do stand with him. i have asked him a lot of times if he is just looking for sex and he always says he is not and that he likes me and he likes the process of getting to know me.

A short time ago, i met a guy from South Korea, he is my age and my intention was to be friends but i started to like him. We have not kissed or had sex and we have only had 2 dates. He wants me to meet his friends, he is so polite and right now, i am feeling extremely anxious because i really want things to work between me and the 34 year old men but i am really afraid of getting my feelings hurt and then this other guy appeared and he seems so nice that maybe i should give him a chance instead?

 

I am sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Alana16

[elaine567]

The 34 yo guy is just using you for sex.
Do not pin any of your hopes on him.

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Alana16 said:

 i should give him a chance instead?

Yes. This other guy is just stringing you along for the occasional 'Netflix and chill' hookup style date. He does not even treat you as a GF. 

After 5 mos., he knows whether he's into you or not.

This new man seems to have more respect for you, seems willing to do more to socialize, integrate lives and do more than hookup every couple of weeks.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Wiseman2

[glows]

39 minutes ago, Alana16 said:

Sometimes, he hurts my feelings because we usually only see each other like every 2 weeks, almost all the time we go to his place and we watch movies,

Trust your instincts on this please. Hurts your feelings is a good indicator things aren't sitting well with you and your expectations aren't met in a relationship. Watching movies and going over all the time also seems very limited. Be around someone who treats you with respect and is interested in knowing more about you or sharing in your interests or hobbies and wants to do things with you outside of just movies.

[FMW]

Don't pass up opportunities that appeal to you because of the 34 year old. After 5 months, only seeing him every two weeks means he's not offering you more than something casual.

Give the guy from South Korea a chance.

[smackie9]

The 35 year old is not interested in a relationship. That is very clear. Stop contacting him, and enjoy dating new guy. New guy is going to give you everything you want/ looking for.

[kendahke]

I'd go for the younger guy you met. The older one is either ashamed of you in some respect or he just wants to use you for sex and that's it.

The fact that he won't take you out in public screams that there is someone who will give him hell  about it or will tell his family, who will give him hell about it.

The shelf-life on your involvement with Mr. 34 is done--go for the fresher guy.

and to answer your question: no, it isn't cheating. He's refusing to elevate your relationship to the level where that comes into play. You're still a free agent.

Edited November 8, 2021 by kendahke