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What can I do? šŸ™


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Hi! Iā€™ve got a little big problem in my relationship; Due to my jealousy, my insecurity and my lake of being able to communicate, Iā€™ve made a mistakeā€¦ letā€™s say that I started to act like a stranger to her because of my jealousy (we started ti get out with my friends groupā€¦ and everyone started to do some jokes that bothered meā€¦ so I just ā€œleft in my worldā€ just not to disturb their vibe; she asked me a lot of times whatā€™s happening, but I just said ā€œnothingā€ā€¦ so, she just stopped to ask me again, normal, and get some distance.) This distance started to annoy me, so I just ā€œpoured the glassā€ā€¦ and nervously I sayed to break up. Nowā€¦ I know thatā€™s childish and not smart. Thoe, she choose to discuss with me, because she knew that Iā€™d regret this. And I had three options to say soā€¦ Continue, Pause, breakup. I chose first and she said that sheā€™ll choose a pause and will get distant until I do something to fix this, even if I donā€™t get distant. (I even donā€™t know what it means, or how to get started to do something, I really feel sorry for that, and I want to understand what should I do, because I feel like a f00l. (Itā€™s my first serious relationship).Ā 

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6 minutes ago, Idontknow21 said:

so I just ā€œleft in my worldā€ just not to disturb their vibe; she asked me a lot of times whatā€™s happening, but I just said ā€œnothingā€ā€¦Ā  This distance started to annoy me, so I just ā€œpoured the glassā€ā€¦ and nervously I sayed to break up.Ā 

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Is there a reason you withdraw into your own world and refuse to speak except threats like "lets breakup".

Maybe you're just incompatible, maybe she annoys you. But breakup threats are manipulative . So are sulking, silent treatments and acting like a party pooper.

Ā Decide what you want. Decide to be confident. Decide to speak your mind. However in a clear self-assured manner not in a whiney jealous way.

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1 hour ago, glows said:

What jokes were they? Was she flirting with your friends?Ā 

Not really, but theyā€™ve been really close, like pushing themselvesā€¦ and things like thisĀ and joking about how bad I am or how theyā€™d ā€œtake herā€ and furtherā€¦ sounds so childishĀ 

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10 minutes ago, Idontknow21 said:

Not really, but theyā€™ve been really close, like pushing themselvesā€¦ and things like thisĀ and joking about how bad I am or how theyā€™d ā€œtake herā€ and furtherā€¦ sounds so childishĀ 

They don't sound like friends. These are inappropriate comments and lewd. Is she responding to them? Rethink your friendships.

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5 minutes ago, glows said:

They don't sound like friends. These are inappropriate comments and lewd. Is she responding to them? Rethink your friendships.

She jokes with themā€¦

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4 minutes ago, Idontknow21 said:

She jokes with themā€¦

Maybe it's time to revisit your attraction to this woman and figure out whether you're happy or whether you can trust someone like this. Your friends aren't exactly friends either.

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24 minutes ago, glows said:

Maybe it's time to revisit your attraction to this woman and figure out whether you're happy or whether you can trust someone like this. Your friends aren't exactly friends either.

I think youā€™re rightā€¦ Iā€™m not sure that I feel good around her. Especially when I hear things like: ā€œyouā€™re not my type of guy, but I have feelings for youā€ or ā€œI have nothing to win from this relationship, but you haveā€¦ because you donā€™t have experienceā€¦ so you lose if we break upā€ā€¦ etc.

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So this is your first relationship....and the issue is that you have nothing to compare it to. Take a step back, remove your emotions, and take a look at the facts. Look at the things she says to you....you know the stuff that is hurtful. Look at how she acts, like how she interacts with your friends. Take a good outside perspective and see things that are not appropriate behavior for someone that is supposed to be in a relaitonship.

From what you have posted so far, she is cruel, and threatening you. She takes a personal poke at you for your inexperience...that's manipulation. She is trying to make you feel you are wrong, and guilty for the way you feel. That's bad my friend. As hard at it is, for your sake, you are better off without her.

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On 11/2/2021 at 6:01 PM, Idontknow21 said:

I think youā€™re rightā€¦ Iā€™m not sure that I feel good around her. Especially when I hear things like: ā€œyouā€™re not my type of guy, but I have feelings for youā€ or ā€œI have nothing to win from this relationship, but you haveā€¦ because you donā€™t have experienceā€¦ so you lose if we break upā€ā€¦ etc.

End it. It sounds like an unhappy mess. The sooner you cut your losses the better.

Ā 

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On 11/2/2021 at 4:01 PM, Idontknow21 said:

I think youā€™re rightā€¦ Iā€™m not sure that I feel good around her. Especially when I hear things like: ā€œyouā€™re not my type of guy, but I have feelings for youā€ or ā€œI have nothing to win from this relationship, but you haveā€¦ because you donā€™t have experienceā€¦ so you lose if we break upā€ā€¦ etc.

You're being bullied. Get out and find your self worth.

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On 11/2/2021 at 4:11 PM, Idontknow21 said:

and things like thisĀ and joking about how bad I am or how theyā€™d ā€œtake herā€ and furtherā€¦ sounds so childishĀ 

ā€œI have nothing to win from this relationship, but you haveā€¦ because you donā€™t have experienceā€¦ so you lose if we break upā€

Everyone needs to go into the garbage heap and be left there to rot.Ā  It's time for you to clean house as far as your social group goes.

and no, you will not be in the wrong for doing this. None of them mean you any good if this is how they act... I can imagine what they're saying behind your back.Ā  Do not let them guilt you into hanging around for more insults--you deserve way better treatment than that.

Edited by kendahke
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