KatieS Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 New to this forum, briefly I am female, coming up to turning 50 years old. I live in Ireland but met my Moroccan boyfriend whilst travelling in France, as he has family there. We have been in a long-distance relationship for around 6 years. Covid has caused problems for us of course but we are doing our best to Facetime as much as possible and keep in touch every day with Whatsapp messages as well. He is 56 so a little older than me. Is divorced with two children who live in France with their mother. He splits his time between France and Morocco and is now planning to return to Morocco for good. He is fairly well off for a typical average Moroccan person and has several properties with tenants in them, however, does sometimes have problems being paid the rent, but generally is comfortably off, as is the rest of his large family. I don't want to enter into any kind of lengthy presentation of our relationship and the problems we have been through, but to summarise, we have had trust issues before, as I found out that he was registered on a couple of dating sites after we had an argument, however, we were not broken up, we talked and I thought we had sorted things out. He initially denied it was him and claimed it was a friend using his phone. The lying was more upsetting than actually discovering he was on the sites. He also claimed he never actually used them and that we were split up at the time, but we were still talking every single day and he was being "loving" by email, Whatsapp etc. There have been other issues, broken promises and poor behaviour towards me and he has been manipulative in other ways too and I actually ended it last year, finally feeling unable to forgive him repeatedly when his behaviour went unchanged yet again. Then he had a family tragedy several months back and contacted me and we began talking again with a view to me visiting him again, but I am having serious doubts. On Saturday we exchanged texts and audio messages about what we were up to. He said he was doing DIY all day and the last I heard from him was around 6 pm. I was at work on Saturday and when I got home I sent him a couple of Whatspp messages asking if he finished his decorating at around 9 pm. They were delivered with the two ticks but remained unread. Nothing too unusual. Then nothing the next day until gone 1 pm. The messages were read at 12 pm. An audio apologising for the radio silence and that he had been at the police station being interviewed by the chief of police regarding a domestic dispute on Saturday night, and he had been there from 9 pm and left around 1 am. Then he was at the local market on Sunday morning. His voice sounded very faltering and almost aggressive in the message. There is a dispute going on in his family and an actual physical fight on Thursday between two of his brothers and half-brothers over inheritance. He claims he was not involved and did not even see the fight, but that a family member has accused him of attacking them. He told me about it at length in a video call on the Friday. I really do not know whether to believe him. Would the chief of police call someone in to be interviewed on a Saturday night, of all times? When I was involved in an incident there many moons ago, I was asked to present for interview with my passport etc. the following day at a normal time of day. I also find it interesting that he cites the time he went to the police HQ at exactly the time I messaged him. I may be overthinking things, but after all our trust issues, him going off the radar again and telling what feels like a very tall tale, has really annoyed me and I just want to end it for good now. Feedback would be much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he's lying. No one knows but him. What you should focus on is the fact that you clearly don't trust him. If the trust is gone, so is the relationship. It's very possible your instinct to "end it for good now" is the right one. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 There is no trust in this relationship (understandably, based on your description) It's time to end it for good. It isn't worth the distress and uncertainty. Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 6 years...??? If this relationship was going anywhere, that distance would have been closed by now. You are wasting your time with him. Along with the lack of trust.. it's time to end it for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 When is the last time you saw each other in person? Think of this as a penpal. You have completely separate lives. A vacation fling and staying in touch doesn't really make it a relationship. Free yourself and date local single men. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 Consider whether you would have continued dating him if you saw him up close and more regularly in person. There are a lot of issues with his family and I think it's unrealistic to ask anyone to remain in a faithful long distance relationship indefinitely or for six years with no commitment or possibly no plan to close that distance. Did you both plan to be together eventually? Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 On 11/4/2021 at 12:38 AM, KatieS said: There have been other issues, broken promises and poor behaviour towards me and he has been manipulative in other ways too and I actually ended it last year, finally feeling unable to forgive him welcome compatriot! Yes six years of this an emotional dependency between the two of you it can be hard to walk away from that, Yet you know in your heart he is not right for you, I can guarantee you he has other women on the go and even if they are on the back burner for now, at the first sign of trouble he will ditch you, added to that his temperament is volatile, Do you really want to go there (literally or otherwise) , you have given this six years, six wasted years by the sound of it- time for a new direction- Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 What is the point of carrying on this long-distance relationship with a man that lives in another country, for 6 years now?? This sounds like it's going nowhere. What is the payoff for you? I really don't understand. Stop wasting so much of your time and energy on this and let it end. Try dating someone who you can actually be near physically. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) On 11/3/2021 at 7:38 PM, KatieS said: I found out that he was registered on a couple of dating sites after we had an argument, however, we were not broken up, we talked and I thought we had sorted things out. He initially denied it was him and claimed it was a friend using his phone. There have been other issues, broken promises and poor behaviour towards me and he has been manipulative in other ways too and I actually ended it last year. Then he had a family tragedy several months back and we began talking again, but I am having serious doubts. OMG - block, delete, avoid, move - whatever you have to do to get away from this guy… Listen to yourself, he probably cheated on you, he’s lied to you, he’s broken promises, he’s manipulative, and he treats you badly - and you are thinking about getting together again with this man? You should be having serious doubts, this is a seriously unsafe situation for you. The only thing that has somewhat protected you here is the distance. I can’t even begin to fathom why you would even consider this - Edited November 7, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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