Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I look for certain things that are quite evident in early conversations. One is a fairly high level of intelligence. The second is a high degree of open-mindedness. It doesn't take long to figure out if someone is very bright and open-minded; unfortunately, not lots of people are so the elimination round is very brief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 I look for certain things that are quite evident in early conversations. Early conversations will most likely be sugar-coated and very nice with little controversy. After all, one would not to scare the other away too quickly... People are on their best behaviour in the early part of a new relationship. You cannot tell much from these "early converstations". One is a fairly high level of intelligence. The second is a high degree of open-mindedness. The two usually go together OUTCAST....how many card-carrying KKK members do you know of who are also Rhodes Scholars??? The most narrow-minded folk are usually the least educated and least intelligent. Oh, and usually (not always) the smarter one is the more $$$ they make. It doesn't take long to figure out if someone is very bright and open-minded; unfortunately, not lots of people are so the elimination round is very brief. I've known some women who initially came off as dizzy dumb blondes but once you spent some time with them (and I don't mean one week) they turned out to be quite intelligent and introspective.... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Early conversations will most likely be sugar-coated and very nice with little controversy. After all, one would not to scare the other away too quickly... People are on their best behaviour in the early part of a new relationship. You cannot tell much from these "early converstations". Not really. You cannot hide certain characteristics, even if you would try as hard as you can. If you lack assertiveness, you cannot pretend to be assertive. Unless you want to come across as a buffoon. If you lack empathy, you cannot fake it. And if you lack understanding of Hegel, you cannot fake it. The two usually go together OUTCAST....how many card-carrying KKK members do you know of who are also Rhodes Scholars??? The most narrow-minded folk are usually the least educated and least intelligent. Oh, and usually (not always) the smarter one is the more $$$ they make. You can be intelligent, and be a extreme right wing Republican. And you can be dumb and open-minded. Accept whatever is on offer. The criticism that is often made about people who watch a certain kind of shows. And above a certain level of intelligence you may actually find that intelligence correlates negatively with the amount of money a person makes. I've known some women who initially came off as dizzy dumb blondes but once you spent some time with them (and I don't mean one week) they turned out to be quite intelligent and introspective.... Again, it shows that looks and first perceptions can be deceptive. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Early conversations will most likely be sugar-coated and very nice with little controversy. After all, one would not to scare the other away too quickly... People are on their best behaviour in the early part of a new relationship. You cannot tell much from these "early converstations". I'm not talking about people hitting on people in bars. I hold conversations in non-dating situations. I think dating is bogus and the way people find each other is generally even more so. I involve myself in activities that allow me to have discussions with people rather than make fake small-talk while feigning interest. I have no patience with the 'dating scene'. The most narrow-minded folk are usually the least educated and least intelligent. Oh, and usually (not always) the smarter one is the more $$$ they make. I wish that were true. Sadly I've known quite a few people who were quite intelligent but were still lacking in emotional intelligence and general understanding of humankind. Some very bright people are so convinced their intelligence is superior that they become close-minded. Doesn't mean they are stupid, but they are definitely lacking in insight. And D'Arthez is right; intellect is not necessarily positively correlated with earnings. The heads of the biggest companies aren't necessarily the brightest sparks; rather they know how to gather bright people around them and use their knowledge and they're usually good at brokering deals. You do realize that the richest people are often the most right-wing. That wouldn't be the case if your theory held water. In fact, if you're too smart, you don't do well in the corporate world since people who are higher and dumber than you will do everything in their power to keep you down; they know you're a threat. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I'm not talking about people hitting on people in bars. I hold conversations in non-dating situations. I think dating is bogus and the way people find each other is generally even more so. I involve myself in activities that allow me to have discussions with people rather than make fake small-talk while feigning interest. I have no patience with the 'dating scene'. I hate dating, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Hey Alpha The truth is you havnt met the 'one' When you do you will know and you wont want to leave or run you will want to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to kiss alot of fish before you find your 'Lobster' Happy fishing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 Not really. You cannot hide certain characteristics' date=' even if you would try as hard as you can. [/quote'] The smarter and more perceptive one is the longer they can "hide" or supress certain characteristics in their personality or behaviour. One example is the BTK killer. You can be intelligent' date=' and be a extreme right wing Republican. [/quote'] You could also be a bleeding-heart liberal, what's your point? And you can be dumb and open-minded. Maybe, but in general you don't meet to many people who are trailer-trash and also quite worldly and tolerant and open to many things. Usually they live life with blinders on. And above a certain level of intelligence you may actually find that intelligence correlates negatively with the amount of money a person makes. I believe I stated that "usually" the higher your inteligence the more you are paid. Of course this is not set in stone. But in practice a PhD usually earns more than someone with a High School diploma...would you not agree?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I mean, anyone can look good on paper or after 2 or 3 dates. How would you know on date # 4 that this is a good long term potential???? I sure as hell don't. I takes me at least 3 or 4 months (sometimes longer) to get to know someone fairly well and to even ascertain if I want to be with long term.... I agree with this statement. Makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 The smarter and more perceptive one is the longer they can "hide" or supress certain characteristics in their personality or behaviour. One example is the BTK killer. Yes, but we were talking about Outcast. I think she could be interested in Hegel for instance. And it is hard to feign knowledge on complex philosophy as that, even moreso when the person opposite of you has knowledge about the subject at hand. And even characteristics that seem easier to feign are hard to feign. Intelligence is one. I have not met a single soul who belonged to the other side of the normal distribution, I had assigned them unconsciously to after 5 minutes of conversation. You could also be a bleeding-heart liberal, what's your point? Outcast is not interested in the rightwing Republicans. Therefore it seems evident where I am referring too. Maybe, but in general you don't meet to many people who are trailer-trash and also quite worldly and tolerant and open to many things. Usually they live life with blinders on. Yes, and that can be very openminded too. If you accept what you get, you are very openminded. The crucial thing is not to judge. And humble people, which are found among the less intelligent people too will not judge, so they would qualify on the openminded issue. I believe I stated that "usually" the higher your inteligence the more you are paid. Of course this is not set in stone. But in practice a PhD usually earns more than someone with a High School diploma...would you not agree?? Yes, that is probably true. But if your IQ is above 145 or so (3 standard deviations and more), the correlation between intelligence and earning power may well be negative, as Outcast pointed out. And again, I doubt it is about the cash for Outcast anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 Yes, but we were talking about Outcast. Outcast is not interested in the rightwing Republicans. And again, I doubt it is about the cash for Outcast anyway. Who give's a rat's ass about OUTCAST??? This thread is about me and my problem. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Who give's a rat's ass about OUTCAST??? This thread is about me and my problem. It was in response to your response to Outcast. I doubt you would date men anyways. End of thread hijack. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 But in practice a PhD usually earns more than someone with a High School diploma...would you not agree?? That may be true, but very few PhDs are in the Forbes list or your famous Fortune 500 CEO list. It's just that the percentage of PhDs is relatively small and many of them go on to teaching university or research, both very lucrative professions. However if you did a study of the IQs of your friends the Fortune 500 leaders, you will not likely find many geniuses among them. D'Arthez is right; it may be true that people can hide a great deal about themselves, but generally narrow-minded people aren't insightful enough to hide their narrow-mindedness because they think they're fine they way they are and if you're not smart, it's pretty hard to hide that, too. I agree that you then need to spend a lot of time to tease out the unpleasant personality traits; intelligence and open-mindedness are not necessarily exclusive of major personality flaws but what I'm saying is I can rule many people out fairly early on with those two traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 I agree that you then need to spend a lot of time to tease out the unpleasant personality traits; intelligence and open-mindedness are not necessarily exclusive of major personality flaws but what I'm saying is I can rule many people out fairly early on with those two traits. How?....many people are intelligent and open-minded about certain subjects or areas. Someone may be extremely smart when it comes to designing software applications but could not hammer a nail into the wall. Someone could be extremely open minded about different cultures and races but very narrow-minded when it comes to abortion. What I'm saying is how do you know up front after a few meetings how intelligent and open-minded someone is??? You really don't unless you've known them intimately for quite a while (greater than 6 months or a year) Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 How?....many people are intelligent and open-minded about certain subjects or areas. Someone may be extremely smart when it comes to designing software applications but could not hammer a nail into the wall. Someone could be extremely open minded about different cultures and races but very narrow-minded when it comes to abortion. What I'm saying is how do you know up front after a few meetings how intelligent and open-minded someone is??? You really don't unless you've known them intimately for quite a while (greater than 6 months or a year) True True!!! BUT: I do believe a lot depends on how open the other person is and how insightful you are.. Some people reveal themselves others hide their true selves to manipulate and get what they want. I know this from experience with different people. A lot of dating can hone in your ability to be a "good judge of character" with the minor exceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
CityGirl88 Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Have you ever dated a woman for a few months and broke up with her only to find out that you made a mistake and wanted her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 You really don't unless you've known them intimately for quite a while (greater than 6 months or a year)[/u][/i][/b] Quite true alpha.. I think what OUTCAST is talking about is the prescreening that one does early to weed out the weirdos or psychos Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 What I'm saying is how do you know up front after a few meetings how intelligent and open-minded someone is??? Intelligence and logic are correlated. People who can't follow logic easily are pretty evident. Again, we're not talking about the weather here or how good the DJ is; I mean in a discussion about some sort of issue. You seem to be equating intelligence with amount of subject knowledge, which can be true sometimes but it's the capacity to analyze and come to a logical conclusion that is either evident or it's not. As for open-mindedness, it becomes evident fairly soon if someone thinks she or he knows so much about something that he can never learn anything new. Again, even bright people do that; in fact sometimes the brightest are the worst offenders in this respect. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 This reminds me of a dog we had when I was growing up that only chased cats if they ran. He had no time for cats that didn't run. I think if your entire approach toward women is totally centered around the games you have to play in order to conquer them, then you've probably conditioned yourself to think that's what love is about. The rest of it, and what that really means, is never even on your mind. When the relationship moves past that and actually becomes deeper, you don't feel anything deeper. The relationship you were actually after ended, while for any decent woman it's just starting. The women who got bored with you were just like you: conditioned for the chase, but no clue what to do with the catch. It's your lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Its like a dog chasing after a moving car....whats he going to do with it once he catches it ? I would like you to be fact specific in what you are looking for . You must be realistic . For instance, your girl could be extremely intelligent, well traveled , mechanically inclined , extremely hot, interesting and witty but she could be total slob and leave soaking wet towels all over the bathroom. The secret is to actually write a list of the things that are : Extremely Important ( example ) ie ; she is hot in bed, always bows in your presence, makes a mean pot of beef stew. calls you " daddy " in the throes of passion Somewhat important ( example ) she likes your mom, pets your dog , is obedient and faithful Not important ( example ) her religion , her values , if she * swallows * , if she calls you 3 times a day. Meaning : You need to define and decide what is * acceptable * and what is NOT acceptable. Know your boundaries. I see 99.9% of your posts talk about how YOU need to have a good income, nice car and looks to snag the girl. Lets assume you have ALL that and a bag of chips ( I ask this because I asked you before since you were stressing that you needed those above things but when I asked you if you had a good income for example , I received no answer ) What exactly are you looking for ? And if you got it , do you want to keep it ? Why do you NOT want to keep someone who might be many of the things you are looking for but * ah gosh darnit * she fell short and you had to painstakingly * dump * her. Like they say at a Nationally known hamburger place :" How can we help you ? :" Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 You are looking in a mirror when dating – choosing women with the same problems you have. You want a female ‘you’ – that’s fine if you are a worthy companion, but by your own admission, you aren’t. Thats really not true BIGBLEM....I don't want to date myself. And I am a very worthy companion, why else would women be interested in me? I'm smart with a great job, OK looking and an excellent combo of good boy and bad boy. Don’t have relationships with people before you know them. Get to know a woman, if she still excites you without the s/ex, then you know you have a better chance of success THe women that excited me enough so that I was still interest in them without sex are the ones that left me. Although it was only a few. The way I know i'm in love is when i don't need the sexual part of the relationship as much... Have a dating break, get to know women without seeing them through lust-crazed dilated pupils. Women get lust-crazed dilated pupils also, BIGBLEM.... Have you ever dated a woman for a few months and broke up with her only to find out that you made a mistake and wanted her back? a few times...but I never contacted her to get back together. Usually this happens a few yrs down the road when something reminds you of an ex-lover and you think to yourself: "you know...she wasn't so bad, Quite true alpha.. I think what OUTCAST is talking about is the prescreening that one does early to weed out the weirdos or psychos don't most folks do this A_C??? Isn't it standard operating procedure? I think if your entire approach toward women is totally centered around the games you have to play in order to conquer them, then you've probably conditioned yourself to think that's what love is about. The rest of it, and what that really means, is never even on your mind. hmm...superb insight JOHAN What exactly are you looking for ? And if you got it , do you want to keep it ? Why do you NOT want to keep someone who might be many of the things you are looking for but * ah gosh darnit * she fell short and you had to painstakingly * dump * her. I think part of the problem, MARY3, is that I unconciously choose women who I know I won't want to be with long-term. That way it is easy for my to bail out from the airplane. I really think it is the commitment thing....I have little or no intention to marry again or have kids, but you never know.... Maybe that one little lady will come along who can tame me Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hah. And people were on my case for not thinking you'd reformed. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thats really not true BIGBLEM....I don't want to date myself. And I am a very worthy companion, why else would women be interested in me? I'm smart with a great job, OK looking and an excellent combo of good boy and bad boy. change 'not a worthy companion', to 'someone who is likely to lose interest after a few months & not a good long term bet for a happy relationship'. Women are interested in you as they find you attractive, that doesnt make you a good boyfriend. A 'good' boyfriend is someone (in addition to the things i am sure you have but cant comment such as wit, intelligence, humour) who is loyal, faithful, moral without being moralistic, respectful - and Alpha I am sorry to say I dont see you oozing these qualities when you post. You may be respectful in company, but i have seen you post views about women that say otherwise 'Women get lust-crazed dilated pupils also, BIGBLEM....' Absolutely, but its you who needs to look within yourself to address the issue you are posting about - we arent discussing women who want knee-tremblers so their lust filled eyes are incidental. Unless you have zero self control that is... THe women that excited me enough so that I was still interest in them without sex are the ones that left me. Although it was only a few. The way I know i'm in love is when i don't need the sexual part of the relationship as much... Thats interesting. I did have a different impression of this element of your posts. Were those women interested in a relationship at the initial stages - you say they 'left' you, so were you in a relationship which just hadnt progressed or were you courting a relationship with them? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Alpha i have to agree with all the posters you are scared of getting hurt therefore if you feel that things are getting to deep you start to lose interest so you won't have to make a commitment.. You have got hurt really bad before and you don't want it to happen so you let women get to know only so much !!! Good luck hang in there you will find someone Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 Alpha i have to agree with all the posters you are scared of getting hurt therefore if you feel that things are getting to deep you start to lose interest so you won't have to make a commitment.. Yes, I would agree with this assessment LILMOMA1973...the few times I did actually fall in love, I got burned. So maybe i try not to fall in love anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Well, you can continue to live your life as a gutless wonder or you can get right back on the horse and try again. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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