Theeisor Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 Writing the title to this made me giggle. I feel like an addict and maybe I was. No, I’m certain I was/am. In a nutshell, was involved with a MM for 6 years on and off. Mostly an EA. He’s passive. I’m needy-ish. Last break up was emotionally taxing. I was a bit of a wreck because I would break the NC and felt deep regret because of it. I’m married too and there’s been disclosure about it. Life hasn’t been easy lately because it’s been really hard to see my husband have doubts about me but overall, he really has been awesome. He held me while I cried at my worst moments. We talk a lot. He has had his moments where you can see the doubt in him and it will ultimately turn in a spat between us but we manage to pull ourselves out by talking about it. During the “disclosure” he also finally told me the truth about something that happened years ago that I knew happened but he constantly lied about it and that turned into resentment and that’s pretty much what led me here. I’m not blaming him for my actions but it was years in the making of lies, alcohol and resentment. I made a bad choice and I foolishly fell in love and was blind and capricious and well, pretty addicted to the attention I could get from MM. Today though, marks 60 days of NC and I feel so much better about it. It’s been hard every single day but I’m getting these bursts of happiness more often because I know I’m working towards something better. My hope is that he doesn’t reach out and I get weak and reply. I’m not ready to block him yet but I will eventually I still feel like I love him but I’m angry at him. In hindsight, I’m not sure he really wanted me. I think he wanted me to want him because it stroked his ego and I’m the one that paid the price because he knew how I felt. I’m to blame. I take responsibility for it but today I feel a bit angry towards him. Thanks for reading. Love to all and if you’re a someone who lurks and is in a situation like I was or thinking of it, just don’t. Save yourself a ton of grief. Don’t be the one to remember my story and my words of caution 2-3 years from now while being in the depths of some sort of hell because you will be 10 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 "The only way out is through."- so cliché, but for good reason. Good job making it to this milestone. It just takes time, but one day at a time and before you know it, you're laughing again- as you have noticed those moments of happiness. Hugs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MilaVaneela Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Congratulations!! 60 days of anything (NC, sobriety, etc) can be TOUGH. You made it! Gotta agree with @Starswillshine, “the only way out is through” might be considered cliche, but it is true. Hang in there, you’ve made it this far. Hugs and good wishes to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SS2855 Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Good for you! You know I have this very quote- “the only way out is through” on a post it note stuck to my laptop so I see it every day. Dealing with an ending but with a colleague and a not quite fully discussed ending but definitely an ending. The work park makes it tough because it’s always there. Hoping to relief at some point! Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 On 11/4/2021 at 6:22 PM, Theeisor said: I still feel like I love him but I’m angry at him. In hindsight, I’m not sure he really wanted me. I think he wanted me to want him because it stroked his ego and I’m the one that paid the price because he knew how I felt. I’m to blame. I take responsibility for it but today I feel a bit angry towards him. I feel these words so hard. I'm 6 months+ NC and this is the thing I still get sad and upset about from time to time. My feelings seemed so strong and so real... and he ran with that and used my attention and time as a warm, cozy little distraction from his real life. And nothing more, tho he lead me on like it was more whenever I started to distance. Anyway good for you. It does get better. Slowly, slowly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 On 11/4/2021 at 11:22 PM, Theeisor said: Writing the title to this made me giggle. I feel like an addict and maybe I was. No, I’m certain I was/am. In a nutshell, was involved with a MM for 6 years on and off. Mostly an EA. He’s passive. I’m needy-ish. Last break up was emotionally taxing. I was a bit of a wreck because I would break the NC and felt deep regret because of it. I’m married too and there’s been disclosure about it. Life hasn’t been easy lately because it’s been really hard to see my husband have doubts about me but overall, he really has been awesome. He held me while I cried at my worst moments. We talk a lot. He has had his moments where you can see the doubt in him and it will ultimately turn in a spat between us but we manage to pull ourselves out by talking about it. During the “disclosure” he also finally told me the truth about something that happened years ago that I knew happened but he constantly lied about it and that turned into resentment and that’s pretty much what led me here. I’m not blaming him for my actions but it was years in the making of lies, alcohol and resentment. I made a bad choice and I foolishly fell in love and was blind and capricious and well, pretty addicted to the attention I could get from MM. Today though, marks 60 days of NC and I feel so much better about it. It’s been hard every single day but I’m getting these bursts of happiness more often because I know I’m working towards something better. My hope is that he doesn’t reach out and I get weak and reply. I’m not ready to block him yet but I will eventually I still feel like I love him but I’m angry at him. In hindsight, I’m not sure he really wanted me. I think he wanted me to want him because it stroked his ego and I’m the one that paid the price because he knew how I felt. I’m to blame. I take responsibility for it but today I feel a bit angry towards him. Thanks for reading. Love to all and if you’re a someone who lurks and is in a situation like I was or thinking of it, just don’t. Save yourself a ton of grief. Don’t be the one to remember my story and my words of caution 2-3 years from now while being in the depths of some sort of hell because you will be Thankyou fir taking the time to post your update . I’ve been in a similar situation and I’m so grateful that through counselling tears and honesty my marriage has survived . it’s a year since I saw it spoke my ex MM and I’ve created my own closure -I don’t need or care about what his answers are to what seemed like burning questions/they really just don’t matter People say those involved in affairs are selfish and I wouldn’t disagree . But I hope posting your experience as a warning to others demonstrates that we do think of others and are not bad people . Just human who made mistakes snd bad choices but work tirelessly to be better . Stay strong I know you can x Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, BourneWicked said: I feel these words so hard. I'm 6 months+ NC and this is the thing I still get sad and upset about from time to time. My feelings seemed so strong and so real... and he ran with that and used my attention and time as a warm, cozy little distraction from his real life. And nothing more, tho he lead me on like it was more whenever I started to distance. Anyway good for you. It does get better. Slowly, slowly. To you and OP: this might not be popular opinion but just because some things didn’t work out doesn’t mean that none of it was real for you (or him). Just like in regular relationships, even if it is bitter at the end, it doesn’t invalidate the full history, e.g shared history, having kids together, time spent. There is no need to dwell on the past; it cannot be changed (what was, was) . However, this line of thinking isn’t generally conducive to moving on so maybe it is for the best to think whatever you think it’s needed to heal. NC and lack of closure is difficult - I think of it as the equivalent of breaking up without a reason or being ghosted. In time, the reason won’t be as important. IMHO, time - on its own - won’t resolve what transpired. It simply dulls the pain and takes the edges off. One must still go through the process to find closure internally. As it is stated elsewhere, “the only way is through”. Hang in there. Edited November 7, 2021 by spiritedaway2003 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 9 hours ago, BourneWicked said: I feel these words so hard. I'm 6 months+ NC and this is the thing I still get sad and upset about from time to time. My feelings seemed so strong and so real... and he ran with that and used my attention and time as a warm, cozy little distraction from his real life. And nothing more, tho he lead me on like it was more whenever I started to distance. Anyway good for you. It does get better. Slowly, slowly. @bournewicked as others have said it will get better , time and distance . They will always be a part of our history and we will be part of theirs -However unimportant we might have felt in the story . 6 months is really good progress x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted November 10, 2021 Share Posted November 10, 2021 Amazing and inspiring work here. I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a wonderfully healthy milestone. Keep it going... wohoo. Link to post Share on other sites
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