ChaineyChae Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Recently I've been putting a lot of thought into ending my almost 3-year relationship with my Fiance but I never know if I'm being too hasty. To give you some context, my partner and I got engaged and moved in together 4 months into our relationship, I was 20 at the time and it is my first serious relationship. After some money troubles, we moved in with his Mother and we lived there together for the past 2 years until last month when I moved an hour away to go to uni. It's not the long-distance bothering me though as we were previously long distance before. I do think the space has made me realise a lot of things others had noticed before me. Such as his constant complaining, how I was constantly burnt out from being expected to do everything around the house. I never got my choice of food or movie or activity and I was often made to feel bad for making plans especially on his day off and constantly felt like I had to ask his permission for stuff. Even now I'm at uni he downplays my workload and gets angry when I don't have time to call or acts like I'm about to break up with him if I can't make it home for the weekend or don't feel like being sexual. (we only do it if he suggests it anyway.) I know a lot of his behaviours and expectations he learned from his mum and he seems to think it will all be fixed when we move out but I know these behaviours happened before we moved in with her. I blame myself, I know we committed fast and hadn't really gotten to know each other enough, and now I'm left feeling like a terrible person if I end this since I know he doesn't feel the same way. I do love him dearly but truly I know deep down that I love the memories and comfort more than the person and that I don't see a wedding and long happy marriage in our future. The complicated part is how can I leave our 2 cats and 2-year-old niece. I don't know if I'm overreacting and I also don't know how to break up with someone especially long-distance ? is breaking up over text still bad in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 44 minutes ago, ChaineyChae said: last month when I moved an hour away to go to uni. Yes free yourself from all this. Good you moved out of his mother's house. End it kindly and diplomatically so you can join groups, clubs, sports and get involved in campus activity and most of all focus on your studies and future. He's too much of a drama queen to continue with. You have your own family, nieces, nephews, etc. Reconnect with them. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 (edited) This is supposed to be the time where you're having fun in life. Both of you need to be dating other people in my opinion. The kinder thing would be to break it off, because this relationship is not longer fair to him or you. Edited November 5, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 He's communicating with you. That is a plus. But he may be a poor communicator with a worse attitude about life in general or a sense of entitlement. It would be sad if you limited yourself or squeezed yourself to fit his demands and try to cater to someone so incompatible to you. Do you sense you're both going in different directions? Will staying in this relationship limit you from pursuing your career or moving for better opportunities for example? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChaineyChae Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: He's communicating with you. That is a plus. But he may be a poor communicator with a worse attitude about life in general or a sense of entitlement. It would be sad if you limited yourself or squeezed yourself to fit his demands and try to cater to someone so incompatible to you. Do you sense you're both going in different directions? Will staying in this relationship limit you from pursuing your career or moving for better opportunities for example? It may not limit me from pursuing but will limit how/when/where I persue it as I feel like I need to have his approval for every choice. He choose what university I went too, which granted worked out the perfect match for me but regardless Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 11 hours ago, ChaineyChae said: I need to have his approval for every choice. He choose what university I went too,. Is he supporting you financially? Why would he have a say in any of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChaineyChae Posted November 6, 2021 Author Share Posted November 6, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is he supporting you financially? Why would he have a say in any of this? He was before uni at least partially, I had a grant from college so I was bringing in £400 a month and immediately giving his mum £200 then doing the food shop with it. And he paid the few bills with his £1.5k . But uni I'm supporting myself with student finance so. He originally tried to convince me to go to Newcastle (about 5hrs away) before I finally put my foot down. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, ChaineyChae said: I'm supporting myself with student finance so. Ok. If you are out from under his thumb financially, do whatever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
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