Anyone think meetup events are awkward? I went to one just now, and literally just snucked out and left.

[Sunnydays1111]

I went to this meetup event and it was at a pub where the host won this free late night happy hour, anyway, when I got everyone met at this table there were only 5 sitting at the table at the supposedly 26 ppl rsvp'd. They all knew each other and were just chatting. One girl was the host and the other 4 were guys. Even though they acknowledged me  and introduced themselves, I just felt out of place, I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit. It could have been a good event, if it wasn't sitting at a table at bar-where talking to strangers is forced. The host did say we were gonna play pool, shuffleboard later at the pub, and possibly go to the other bars and dance, but at the moment it felt too cliquey and I left. Pretty sad, I was just there 5 minutes.

Anyone else left at meetup event?

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

 I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit. 

Good call.  Sounds like a drag.

Instead join some interest/activity specific groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some classes and courses. Get involved in sports and fitness. Get a side hustle.

Also try getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ☕.

[QuietRiot]

7 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

I went to this meetup event and it was at a pub where the host won this free late night happy hour, anyway, when I got everyone met at this table there were only 5 sitting at the table at the supposedly 26 ppl rsvp'd. They all knew each other and were just chatting. One girl was the host and the other 4 were guys. Even though they acknowledged me  and introduced themselves, I just felt out of place, I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit. It could have been a good event, if it wasn't sitting at a table at bar-where talking to strangers is forced. The host did say we were gonna play pool, shuffleboard later at the pub, and possibly go to the other bars and dance, but at the moment it felt too cliquey and I left. Pretty sad, I was just there 5 minutes.

Anyone else left at meetup event?

Honestly, I think once you commit to a Meetup, you should just follow through and get your feet wet. Chances are that you were just shy, but it is kind of weird what you did....reason I say this is because we had a rather...astute and observant...organizer that called out people that did this. One instance, she saw a guy sitting at the bar, away from the reserved tables. He was kind of being creepy, scoping our reserved area.

She recognized him from his picture from the RSVP list. She walked up to him and introduced himself, and then asked him why he was sitting there and denied that he was part of Meetup.

Be careful, if you do this too many times, organizers/people will notice.

[Sunnydays1111]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Honestly, I think once you commit to a Meetup, you should just follow through and get your feet wet. Chances are that you were just shy, but it is kind of weird what you did....reason I say this is because we had a rather...astute and observant...organizer that called out people that did this. One instance, she saw a guy sitting at the bar, away from the reserved tables. He was kind of being creepy, scoping our reserved area.

She recognized him from his picture from the RSVP list. She walked up to him and introduced himself, and then asked him why he was sitting there and denied that he was part of Meetup.

Be careful, if you do this too many times, organizers/people will notice.

Even if I did decide to stick with the plan, I would have been quiet the whole time, since they already knew each other, plus just sitting at a table not saying anything-they would have looked at me weird.

[dramafreezone]

I went on meetups all the time before the pandemic.  They're hit and miss.  I ended up making some nice acquaintances over the course of a year.  I wouldn't give up on them so quickly.

Since you're a woman looking for friends, why don't you look for meetups for women?  If you go to "get to know people" type of events odds are there will be way more guys than women there.

Edited November 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

On 11/6/2021 at 2:24 AM, Sunnydays1111 said:

I went to this meetup event and it was at a pub where the host won this free late night happy hour, anyway, when I got everyone met at this table there were only 5 sitting at the table at the supposedly 26 ppl rsvp'd. They all knew each other and were just chatting. One girl was the host and the other 4 were guys. Even though they acknowledged me  and introduced themselves, I just felt out of place, I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit. It could have been a good event, if it wasn't sitting at a table at bar-where talking to strangers is forced. The host did say we were gonna play pool, shuffleboard later at the pub, and possibly go to the other bars and dance, but at the moment it felt too cliquey and I left. Pretty sad, I was just there 5 minutes.

Anyone else left at meetup event?

I know you are shy but sneaking out after 5 minutes did not give anyone the chance to get to know you.
Meet ups are basically about talking to strangers.
There is no getting over that.
You need to learn to leave your shyness at the door.

[Foxhall]

On 11/6/2021 at 2:24 AM, Sunnydays1111 said:

One girl was the host and the other 4 were guys. Even though they acknowledged me  and introduced themselves, I just felt out of place, I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit

Yes it probably wasnt the easiest event for you,

not unreasonable to expect a bit more from the established members to put you at ease,

maybe a group where you know there are a few more of the girls would be a better choice next time,

also if you are shy, more of an activity based setting, rather than sitting around a bar table , would also be a better option for you.

[Alpacalia]

It's not easy for most people to meet a bunch of strangers that seemingly already know one another.

Try starting with a small amount of initiative one day and gradually increasing your initiative the next.

It's also not a bad idea to listen attentively.

Alternatively, you might strive to put them at ease, which will make everyone feel better. Also? Get a drink for yourself. Isn't it a pub?

[Sunnydays1111]

3 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Yes it probably wasnt the easiest event for you,

not unreasonable to expect a bit more from the established members to put you at ease,

maybe a group where you know there are a few more of the girls would be a better choice next time,

also if you are shy, more of an activity based setting, rather than sitting around a bar table , would also be a better option for you.

yeah, activity based setting would be better for me. like bowling, laser tag, ice skating, gaming, etc. oh well, lesson learned, sitting at a bar table not a good fit for me.

[chillii]

Sounds awkward so you found the exit , oh well so be it. Are they about singles or , not sure if we have them here and l'm not single. Back when l was though l looked at some clubs hiking and stuff. Thankfully they all had websites and photos so you could see the other members, sounds bad l know but after most of the photos , l didn't join any or l would've been looking for an exit too for sure.  

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, chillii said:

Sounds awkward so you found the exit , oh well so be it. Are they about singles or , not sure if we have them here and l'm not single. Back when l was though l looked at some clubs hiking and stuff. Thankfully they all had websites and photos so you could see the other members, sounds bad l know but after most of the photos , l didn't join any or l would've been looking for an exit too for sure.  

So you didn't go to Meetups based on the fact there weren't any attractive people in the group?  Why not attend hiking for the enjoyment of the event itself? If you stuck around long enough, someone you found attractive would come along.

[QuietRiot]

I recall a social meetup event (dinner and dancing) where 2 women showed up together...men would approach them, but they were more focused on each other at the edge of the room. They kind of snubbed dudes that tried to talk to them (including myself).  They bailed early, probably because they scanned the room, didn't like the looks of the men there..and then left.   Says a lot about their character.

[clia]

If you left after 5 minutes, you didn't even give it a chance.  Yes, some people will know each other at Meetups, and when you initially sat down they were probably making conversation with each other.  That is normal and natural.  You said they introduced themselves to you.  You should've just ordered a drink, been friendly, and made conversation with them while you waited for others to show up.  It is very likely that the pool, shuffleboard, and dancing happened later on, after you left, and once everyone got there.  I'm not really sure what you were expecting to happen in the brief amount of time you were there.  And honestly, it was also super rude to just leave without saying anything; the organizer will likely remember.

[glows]

I've had success at meetup.com meets and have had a good time. I don't see anything wrong with other people knowing each other for longer. Eventually you get to talking about similar topics and you'll be included in the conversations. The regulars go through a lot of new members who come and go. Just like anywhere else in life. 

Perhaps the topic of choice or reason for meeting up wasn't so riveting?

Edited November 8, 2021 by glows

[AngryGromit]

On 11/6/2021 at 5:50 AM, QuietRiot said:

Honestly, I think once you commit to a Meetup, you should just follow through and get your feet wet. Chances are that you were just shy, but it is kind of weird what you did....reason I say this is because we had a rather...astute and observant...organizer that called out people that did this.

I have to agree, often a new meetup is outside your comfort zone, your never going to grow personally if you don't take some chances. 

[chillii]

10 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

So you didn't go to Meetups based on the fact there weren't any attractive people in the group?  Why not attend hiking for the enjoyment of the event itself? If you stuck around long enough, someone you found attractive would come along.

Yeah that might happen you weigh up the odds though which would've been pretty unlikely in these cases. As l said l'm not single these days anyway so. l might've just for the enjoyment of it though if any of the crowds were even close to something l'd fit in with but none were. Probably some nice people but just pretty clearly not my thing.

Edited November 8, 2021 by chillii

[Sunnydays1111]

10 hours ago, clia said:

If you left after 5 minutes, you didn't even give it a chance.  Yes, some people will know each other at Meetups, and when you initially sat down they were probably making conversation with each other.  That is normal and natural.  You said they introduced themselves to you.  You should've just ordered a drink, been friendly, and made conversation with them while you waited for others to show up.  It is very likely that the pool, shuffleboard, and dancing happened later on, after you left, and once everyone got there.  I'm not really sure what you were expecting to happen in the brief amount of time you were there.  And honestly, it was also super rude to just leave without saying anything; the organizer will likely remember.

I really don't think the host or people attended the event would care that I left early or would they have gotten offended. It wasn't on one of those paid meetup groups or some event where headcount was needed because of lack of spots. that wasn't the case at all. it was one of those causal happy hour events. rsvp'd for that specific event was pretty lax.

[QuietRiot]

10 hours ago, clia said:

If you left after 5 minutes, you didn't even give it a chance.  Yes, some people will know each other at Meetups, and when you initially sat down they were probably making conversation with each other.  That is normal and natural.  You said they introduced themselves to you.  You should've just ordered a drink, been friendly, and made conversation with them while you waited for others to show up.  It is very likely that the pool, shuffleboard, and dancing happened later on, after you left, and once everyone got there.  I'm not really sure what you were expecting to happen in the brief amount of time you were there.  And honestly, it was also super rude to just leave without saying anything; the organizer will likely remember.

Believe you me, I know organizers that have remembered these people. I've heard it constantly these stories about people who've behaved in such a fashion. 

[ZA Dater]

On 11/6/2021 at 4:24 AM, Sunnydays1111 said:

I went to this meetup event and it was at a pub where the host won this free late night happy hour, anyway, when I got everyone met at this table there were only 5 sitting at the table at the supposedly 26 ppl rsvp'd. They all knew each other and were just chatting. One girl was the host and the other 4 were guys. Even though they acknowledged me  and introduced themselves, I just felt out of place, I went to the bathroom and found the nearest exit. It could have been a good event, if it wasn't sitting at a table at bar-where talking to strangers is forced. The host did say we were gonna play pool, shuffleboard later at the pub, and possibly go to the other bars and dance, but at the moment it felt too cliquey and I left. Pretty sad, I was just there 5 minutes.

Anyone else left at meetup event?

I went to two different ones and I found them both to be forced and contrived, however lets not ignore the fact that it does work for many people hence its popularity around the world I just think it probably works better for people who are inherently outgoing.

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I just think it probably works better for people who are inherently outgoing

But naturally outgoing people tend to have their own social circles. They are the life and soul of events, they keep up with friends and acquaintances, they network successfully.
Meet ups are for the less inherently outgoing, and those more isolated in their lives.
A place where they can meet like minded people.

Being outgoing or learning to be more outgoing is something that is necessary for success in all aspects of life and dating is no exception.
Being "shy" and running away from social contact does no-one any favours
 

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I went to two different ones and I found them both to be forced and contrived, however lets not ignore the fact that it does work for many people hence its popularity around the world I just think it probably works better for people who are inherently outgoing.

Most times if you start something it's going to be forced.  The point is to get comfortable in that setting through repeated exposures.

It's like anything else it's not going to be easy or rewarding right off the bat most times.  If it were you wouldn't have a need for a meetup group.

[QuietRiot]

On 11/9/2021 at 12:49 AM, elaine567 said:

But naturally outgoing people tend to have their own social circles. They are the life and soul of events, they keep up with friends and acquaintances, they network successfully.
Meet ups are for the less inherently outgoing, and those more isolated in their lives.


 

I would have to say, the majority of people join Meetups for the very reasons you described, but also these reasons (which may include this one)

1. For those who don't have many friends, or their current circle of friends have parted ways via marrying off, relocating etc.

2. New in town: Those who relocated to the area and area looking for NEW friends. 

3. Newly divorced/broken up - we get a lot of those, because it ties into #1, they lose their friendship ties to their ex-spouses side. Sometimes you can combine 2 and 3. Newly divorced AND new in town (double whammy). 

4. Kind of like #1 again...I know a guy that if it weren't for Meetup, he'd never have  real social life. Meetup can be a social salvation to them.

[]

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off topic

[ZA Dater]

On 11/9/2021 at 11:21 PM, dramafreezone said:

Most times if you start something it's going to be forced.  The point is to get comfortable in that setting through repeated exposures.

It's like anything else it's not going to be easy or rewarding right off the bat most times.  If it were you wouldn't have a need for a meetup group.

You are right I do not need meetup groups. 

[ZA Dater]

On 11/9/2021 at 10:49 AM, elaine567 said:

But naturally outgoing people tend to have their own social circles. They are the life and soul of events, they keep up with friends and acquaintances, they network successfully.
Meet ups are for the less inherently outgoing, and those more isolated in their lives.
A place where they can meet like minded people.

Being outgoing or learning to be more outgoing is something that is necessary for success in all aspects of life and dating is no exception.
Being "shy" and running away from social contact does no-one any favours

No in both instances there were people there who clearly felt the need to be the leader and projected themselves as being better than everyone else and frankly that "Lord of Flies" social experiment is not my idea of fun and reading the OP post it would appear their experience was similar in this respect. 

I do not agree with the bold at all. If people are so amazing why are contrived things like meet up even running? Kindness costs nothing but is rarely happens, just this week I greeted someone in passing and she just turned her head away and walked off, would I have been so hard to simply say hello?

Yet we create these groups, for what? To create a contrived platform? Sure, if its a shared hobby then great but more than that and dating, its a total and complete waste of time in that respect. I have spent nearly 38 years with pretty much no social, life I have never had one, I never had many friends and I am not the poorer for it. 

My point is why try to force people together who cant fit together, that is what to me a lot of meet up is in my view. You may all like plants but it does not help if one likes growing weed and another like bonsai, crossing that sort of divide is the story line to many an unrealistic movie. 

I agree with what OP did by just leaving, I would have done the same thing.

[Supernova11]

They can be a drag, yes. I have made a very good friend through one but I’m not so worried about meeting people at the moment. I would definitely have to be a certain mindset to go back to them.