Separation Anxiety-Single Moms Please Help Me

[Confused-in-Love]

My husband and I have just in the past 48 hours decided to begin a period of separation. It is inevitable that I will have to move back in with my parents because currently I do not have a job that will support my 15 month old daughter and myself. The problem is that my parents do not understand my decision. They and I have never had a close relationship and they have always disapproved with my decisions. It seems like this separation is going to be another thing for them to chalk up on the "What She's Done Wrong List"

 

Truthfully I am confused because I know I don't deserve the hell I am going through and I don't know WHY no one else supports my decisions. I didn't ask my husband to marry me despite the fact that I was pregnant by another man. I didn't ask the other man to run off frightened and not call me. I didn't ask the other man to come back into my life. I sure as hell didn't ask myself to get so confused.

 

All I want to do is to be happy and to take care of my little girl. Apparently I am destined to do neither, because my parents are convinced that I don't love her like I ought to or treat her like I ought to. I suppose I need some advice from single mothers on the best possible approach to getting through financial crisises and how to deal with separation and my own personal parental nightmares.

[bethbonnie]

My husband and I have just in the past 48 hours decided to begin a period of separation. It is inevitable that I will have to move back in with my parents because currently I do not have a job that will support my 15 month old daughter and myself. The problem is that my parents do not understand my decision. They and I have never had a close relationship and they have always disapproved with my decisions. It seems like this separation is going to be another thing for them to chalk up on the "What She's Done Wrong List" Truthfully I am confused because I know I don't deserve the hell I am going through and I don't know WHY no one else supports my decisions. I didn't ask my husband to marry me despite the fact that I was pregnant by another man. I didn't ask the other man to run off frightened and not call me. I didn't ask the other man to come back into my life. I sure as hell didn't ask myself to get so confused. All I want to do is to be happy and to take care of my little girl. Apparently I am destined to do neither, because my parents are convinced that I don't love her like I ought to or treat her like I ought to. I suppose I need some advice from single mothers on the best possible approach to getting through financial crisises and how to deal with separation and my own personal parental nightmares. Although I am not a mother, I have been married and know the feeling of separation from someone. It is also sad that you and your parents aren't close, this is when you need their 'unbiased' support the most. You never mentioned why you feel the need to leave this marriage. If you would like to explain that a little further and post it, it will help me a little more to answer you. Parents should not critisize their children, they once were young and I would imagine made mistakes of their own, and and would not appreciate anyone 'running' their lives .. or critisizing them. Is it absolutely necessary that you end this marriage? Is there any chance of it being able to work out with counselling? Give me some more details and I will try to help you more...bethbonnie, australia...

 

[CMW]

So sorry to hear of your dillema. The only thing harder than living in a difficult marriage is trying to be a single mom. I know, I've done both. Being a single mom is very difficult. But it sure helps is you have the love and support of your immediate family. I would suggest that you try to talk to your parents. Let them know ALL your reasons and that you are willing to listen to there advice. Not that you would necessarily heed it, but you would repsect there opinion. I for one have found that my parents, like it or not, are usually right. I am now 37 years old. I have seen them right often enough. I listen to them much more so now than when I was 27. I also have learned to talk to them and to bite my tongue and how to casually change the subject.

 

My advice to married couples is to try and work it out. Get counseling. Try to start fresh and work on a relationship. It is much easier to work at a relationship than to be without one and trying to be the single parent. Of course it depends on your situation and I don't know yours.

 

In my case, I did not have much of a choice. But I tried for many years to hold it together and I don't regret one single minute of my dedication to the marriage. I only regret that I now have to be a single parent. It is not fair to the kids to be without there father. Although, I'd say they are possbily better off without him.

 

And I know that "God works all things together for good, for those that love Him." On this I stand, one day at a time.

 

But let me be perfectly honest. I COULD NOT DO IT WITHOUT THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF MY PARENTS, BROTHERS, SISTERS, AND FRIENDS IN CHRIST.