curly Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 OK - I need some input. Long story, I'll try to make short... Began dating the man/boy I lost my virginity to. Have known since i was a teen. Started dating again after college (22 yrs old). We dated for 5 years, some on & off, then got married. The marriage literally fell apart almost immediately. He was not working, became a crazed coke user and started taking all our money. I just couldn't afford to keep him in the house any more. He took all the money and put it up his nose. We divorce. A year after the divorce, I am living 500 miles away but I call him, missing him. I had just gotten dumped from another guy and was feeling the overwhelming loneliness. We get together for a weekend. Things progress, then regress - again back & forth for a long, long time. I move back to the area he lives but did not tell him. Then we reconnect. We start to see each other again, looks like maybe this time it can work. We move in together, people are happy, people close to me are unhappy, think he's not the one for me..... It falls apart very quickly again. He wants to spend time with his family (sisters, brother, parents) while I'm not one of those types. And I don't really like his family. Don't hate them, can stand them, but don't choose to be with them constantly. Ok, here's the kicker - he confessed to me when we were married that he was molested as a child. But he's never really delved into it. He's not even sure who did it. At first he thought it was his brother, but now believes it may have been a neighborhood boy. Thinks it might even include another boy as well. So, he has extreme difficulty with life as a result. He's allowed himself to be a victim. He continues to use drugs, alcohol & pot. The coke, I'm pretty sure, is gone. But the drugs have gotten in the way of our relationship. I have taken to drinking way too much as well. I don't smoke pot and don't want it in my life. But - I love him. Why? Because we know each other so well. Our dreams and goals are very similar. His personality fits mine. He loves me and is probably willing to take me back. What do I do? Oh, background - no kids, married for 1+ year, divorced for 8 now, married about 10 yrs ago. Neither has kids. I also cheated on him for a while recently, with a married man who broke my heart. Yeah, life gets more simple, right???? Link to post Share on other sites
KAris112297 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I think you both have a lot to straighten out, and need to help each other get help. Thats first. If you can get that together you can make it work, despite what everyone around you thinks. But you need to be honest and strong and deal with every element that will lead down a destructive path. Deal with all your issues together. And make sure you are together for the right reasons, not just as a convenient crutch. If you are or have cheated on him recently you need to put that away. Or walk away. But It has to end, it's a crutch. A band-aide...but you know that. Please be honest. With him, with yourself, with your feelings, with the situation and progress from there. -KAris Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 if you really want to make a try for a future, Definately do couples conseling, even individual therapy for him....If he agrees to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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