jase112 Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 (edited) I'll try to make this short. A few yrs ago I moved in with my sister to get rid of debt, save for a home, clean up my credit. 6 months into that I got custody of my kids. Working multiple jobs & taking care of my kids I really wasn't focused on dating. Fast forward to now my daughter left for college & my son got his license just like that I have extra time. I want to get back to dating. I'm still saving for a home, it's going to take a little longer. So my question is for women in particular. Is it a dealbreaker that I live with my sister & don't have my own spot? BTW I'm a man Be honest input will be appreciated. Thx Edited November 8, 2021 by jase112 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, jase112 said: Is it a dealbreaker that I live with my sister & don't have my own spot? Yes. You need your own place. Living with any family, particularly women...sister, mother, etc. could be construed as you want a mommy figure or free ride. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 Yes, personally, it is a dealbreaker. But you may find women who are ok with that and in the same boat or similar situation. Try to define what you're looking for in dating. Just dabbling here and there, dating casually? You'll be able to go from there and be more realistic about your expectations overall. How do you expect intimacy to develop also? Do you have a separate apartment from your sister's main living area? Or are you dependant on whomever you will be seeing to provide accommodations? Don't let dating or meeting people sidetrack you from your bigger goals too such as more financial stability or personal independence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 If you meet a woman that lives by herself she may not mind. If you meet a woman with children then your time alone will be very limited. I came across a man that his elderly mother lived with him. I think taking care of family is a beautiful thing but l have a teen at home so we decided dating each other would be difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 Woman here: No it would not be a dealbreaker. I would however want to see that you're proactive in working towards your goals and that you pull your weight around the house. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 I agree with others that it depends on the situation of the women in which you might be interested, including age, and financial and employment status. A woman who is well-established in her career and has lived independently for some time might not be interested. But then again YOU might not be interested in HER. We aren't all attracted to the same type of people. Start out slowly and see how it goes. Just be honest from the very beginning about your current situation and your goals. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 Wouldn't bother me. In fact I dated someone for ~1 year who lived with his sister while he was getting re-established. It just meant we spent the majority of our time together at my house, which made my dog happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 (edited) Of course it wouldn't only for the shallow that don't matter type , but who cares about them . l take it your asking in regard to a serious relationship and future , in which case you have a plan and it's pretty close . lf she loves you but couldn't handle that time spans or understand , she wouldn't be worth knowing anyway., Besides , she might have her own place already or who knows what the situation might be. Ps , how did you not see the your freedom coming with your kids stage , most parents are counting the days. Edited November 9, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author jase112 Posted November 9, 2021 Author Share Posted November 9, 2021 1 hour ago, chillii said: Of course it wouldn't only for the shallow that don't matter type , but who cares about them . l take it your asking in regard to a serious relationship and future , in which case you have a plan and it's pretty close . lf she loves you but couldn't handle that time spans or understand , she wouldn't be worth knowing anyway., Besides , she might have her own place already or who knows what the situation might be. Ps , how did you not see the your freedom coming with your kids stage , most parents are counting the days. I really don't mind my kids. All of us had busy schedules. Me working 2 jobs the kids, sports & work. Life is just a blur. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 It would really depend on how close you are to being able to move out, OP. If I saw that you were working on that and it would be realistic in the near future, I don't think I would take issue with that. If, however, it seemed too vague a timeline without any concrete steps being taken now, then I would probably pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 6 hours ago, chillii said: only for the shallow that don't matter type It's not a shallow consideration. Lack of economic independence is a legitimate consideration. How someone views and handles financial matters is a very important compatibility consideration. Whether fair or not, most people make those judgments based on someone's current circumstances. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 4 hours ago, jase112 said: I really don't mind my kids. All of us had busy schedules. Me working 2 jobs the kids, sports & work. Life is just a blur. Where would you have dates and any privacy for intimacy? That's a huge consideration. Where is your children's mother? What's the custody/visitation and child support arrangement? Focus first on getting your life together as a single dad. That includes having your own place and not depending on a relative to support you, babysit or anything else. You may get some dates but it's going to stop short when you can't have in home dates. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Where would you have dates and any privacy for intimacy? That's a huge consideration. Where is your children's mother? What's the custody/visitation and child support arrangement? Focus first on getting your life together as a single dad. That includes having your own place and not depending on a relative to support you, babysit or anything else. You may get some dates but it's going to stop short when you can't have in home dates. The daughter is in college and the son has now got his drivers license, so the OP has more time and freedom, so he's now thinking of going back into dating, which he hasn't done since getting custody of the kids. Edited November 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 8 hours ago, jase112 said: I really don't mind my kids. All of us had busy schedules. Me working 2 jobs the kids, sports & work. Life is just a blur. There are plenty of single mothers or parents or other individuals working more than one job who are looking for love and companionship. If you find someone who suits you and vice versa, both of you will just have to be very patient with one another and let the dating and relationship aspects unfold, however long it takes because of all that you are juggling. Rushing anything is not a good idea. I agree with FMW's comments that none of this is shallow. It's about a person's life or circumstances overall and that is what we date along with the person, similar to accepting a person's family as a package deal. It's better to be honest, upfront and practical with whomever you are dating and don't leave any room for guesses or assumptions between the two of you. No partner should have to keep tabs on your goals or aspirations or see to it that you do what you say you are going to do. That person has to accept you as you are now and be willing to work on challenges together. If you feel yourself going into this a little too insecure and shaky, chances are you are and you'll need to do more work on yourself, feeling good and acclimating to the changes in your life right now and if that's the case, put off dating. You didn't answer my questions about a separate living space. It would help a great deal if you're not thinking of moving out any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 If I was single and dating again, it wouldn't bother me because I wouldn't have any interest in living together. I own my home, and like my space. It would be doable. It's a plus because it's nice to see family that is close and willing to help out. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 I wouldn't call it a deal breaker per-se. BUT... as said above... it will make it harder... and not every girl will be interested in that situation. Because of that... it's a topic that should come up on the first date. The other side of this is... how old are you? If you are young... then it's not that big of a deal. If you are in your 40's... then it will be a turn off to most. I guess personally... I would suggest waiting until you are self supporting, and have a place of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 For many women it would be a deal breaker. I think you should work a bit more on getting your life together and a plan to move out, before starting to date. You will attract higher-quality women. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 Deal breaker? I'd say look at it as a filter. If they can't be understanding of your situation, if that makes or breaks it for them, then you don't want to be dating them anyway. Good news is it will filter out gold diggers 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 For me, it depends. Like, are you and your sister renting a place together (equally) because you enjoy each other’s company and figure it makes more economic sense for the both of you to live together? Or are you like living in her house in a basement or bedroom. But she’s kind of doing a favor letting you live in her house. If it’s the first situation….no problem. If it’s the second…no thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 On 11/9/2021 at 5:01 PM, jase112 said: I really don't mind my kids. All of us had busy schedules. Me working 2 jobs the kids, sports & work. Life is just a blur. Oh God yeah gotcha there , mine has been too with everything going on , many times. Link to post Share on other sites
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