considering cheating on my husband

[pepperbird2]

On 11/9/2021 at 8:05 AM, Erica said:

Well to answer the above messages, yes we’ve met in person, only recently and briefly. And to the others, I feel the situation is a bit more nuanced than the anger in some replies above allows. Ironically, again, our relationship at home is ok, we have a satisfactory love life, but for whatever reason, his affair, the terrible last few months of disruption to everything from this virus, I want more experiences and I like this man probably more than anyone before. But I don’t want to leave my husband. I love my husband and I love this man. My long term future is with my husband but I do feel I want to deepen my relationship with this man. I think (I hope) I can separate the two things and one not to be a long term problem to the other. I think it might strengthen my marriage and also lay the ghost of what he did in the past. Additionally he is still in contact with his ex, they work in the same company but not at the same location. She is now married but they have that history between them. Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts. 

I will say to you the same thing I would to any other cheater,  which is what you are. None of your excuses make that any different than what he did, unless you are into the "you did it first." three year old type stuff. I'm sure, in his mind, he had his reasons, just like you. Notice how those didn't take away any of the pain he caused you?

I don't think you love your husband at all. The idea that you are actually planning to betray him speaks volumes. I've been married for a quarter of a century, and ha my spouse cheat on me too  It was awful! The idea that I could sit down and actively plan out how I was going to hurt him by cheating would make me ill, and I'm getting a sense that, behind your words, there's a wounded woman who us crying out for some help and understanding. I don't think cheating would really sit well with you if you actually went through with it. I understand you have these thoughts, but thoughts are very different than action. You say you want to go for a roll in the hay in the bed you share with your spouse? Just how much do you hate the guy? That's one of cruelest things you could do. Is that really who you are at heart?

Cheating won't make you whole, it will just make you feel guilty, if you have any feelings for your husband. You can't  unring a bell, and once you take that step, you can never, ever go back.  Be absolutely sure you know what you're getting yourself into and if it's really what you want.

[pepperbird2]

On 11/9/2021 at 11:06 AM, Distraught1 said:

I did something very similar however my husband did not cheat. Nobody knows of this, however I feel great guilt. The other side is that I don't feel much regret. I felt, too, that this was like my last hurrah. And the sex was amazing. We live in separate states so it's mostly online and never anywhere close to home. Having sex in my husband's bed is something I would never consider however our circumstances are different in that regard. The problem I will tell you is that you may begin to feel very deep emotion for this man that you don't now. The sex will most likely change the game. The everyday texts will probably lessen over time and the attention will slow. I have a similar arrangement in that there was no intention to end my marriage but it did change it and not for the better. Good luck with your decision moving forward. Lastly, I said I have no regrets...and of course for me that is because I was not caught. If I was, the truth is, I would be extremely humiliated. I'm seeking therapy now to deal with why I made the decision and how to move forward.    

Good on you for reaching out to a therapist. That's a courageous step to take. I hope they are able to help you find the answers you're ooking for.

[Lisa]

Thread has been locked as it's continuing in @Erica's absence.   @Erica if you return and want the thread reopened, please flag this post and we will open it up again