Dealing with Strange Feelings After Breakup

[rbrt140]

I will try to make this short and sweet and thanks in advance for any advice. 

My ex and I met each other at a job about 8 years ago. At that job we became good friends but nothing more. At that job, she got involved with someone in management that was married with 2 kids. The wife eventually found out yet they were still dating and as you can imagine, it was a long complicated emotional mess they had for a few years. Eventually they ended things, she moved to NY and he got back with his wife and had another kid. 

Fast forward 7 years later, she moves back to my city and we work together on a few projects and start hanging out a bit more. One night, it happened, we kissed and, a few days later started to date. I do think now, that we did jump into straight dating pretty quickly and just as quick she started to keep her stuff at my place.

I want to  point out that I was always attracted to her and we always flirted but I always also felt that a relationship would not work between us because there are a a lot differences in personality, tastes, goals and lifestyle that I know would not work in the long run, but we got along so well and I was so attracted to her that I figured it was worth giving it a shot, needless to say it went just as I thought. I loved being with her but in the end I never saw it going for long, I wasn't really happy and after a few months I felt like I had to end it.

Over the dating months, we had a good relationship in the sense that I was dating one of my best friends, and we got along great. However, she was working a ton and so was I and even though we lived minutes apart, we did not spend too much free time together, I was traveling and so was she, and very consumed by our work. Also, she always had plans to work more on the west coast, since she works in film production, and my business is in the east with no plans of moving anytime soon. 

After 6 months, and not seeing a real future here, I decided to end the relationship. She was understanding and agreed that it was best not to keep the relationship going, we were great friends and from the beginning we said we were friends first and did not want to lose that.

3 Weeks later after our breakup, we met for breakfast and she told me that she had traveled to the city where her ex (married guy from the past who is now not married anymore) and felt she still had feelings for him and is going to move there and be with him. She moved in with him, created an IG account with his last name and joined the mormon church he is part of. 

I was aware of their communication because she would tell me and show me it. Also, she would get emotional about talking about him and the past they had which was a red flag for me that there was something there unresolved. But there was no way I could've ever expected her to ever go back to him, to a family that sees her as a homewrecker. But it happened, and it happened fast, in a span of 2 months we broke up, she left her job and business partner here, moved in with him and got engaged.

I should note that before me she was dating someone else pretty recently, and once we got together she started saying I love you, half living at my place and talking about kids and marriage, so she does tend to move quickly.

MY ISSUE

I have been thinking a lot about her, and the whole situation. I do miss her, but I don't regret my decision of breaking up, I still think it was the right thing to do but it came to such a surprise, and it is such a confusing decision that I have been trying to wrap my mind around why she would do that and why she would do this all so fast?

I know you are not supposed to try and figure out other's decisions, and I know she must have her unresolved reasons to do that. But I guess Im confused about my own feelings and why I can't get it out of my head.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, rbrt140 said:

3 Weeks later after our breakup, we met for breakfast and she told me that she had traveled to the city where her ex. She moved in with him, created an IG account with his last name and joined the mormon church he is part of. 

Sorry this happened. You made the right call ending it and it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Do you think you were a rebound or fill-in while she waited for him to get divorced?

[rbrt140]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You made the right call ending it and it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Do you think you were a rebound or fill-in while she waited for him to get divorced?

Well, kind of. Might have been mutual honestly, I was also fresh off something as well. And since we always got along so well, I guess we were both like... why not try? 

And yes I do believe I made the right call. Still that makes it more confusing as why I even feel any way about it.

He has always said that she is the love of his life and his dream was to get her back (I know this because one of my best friends is his brother) so I know he was waiting for her to be single again. I guess they were both waiting for the chance to finish what they started years ago. 7 Years is a long time to get back with an ex and a situation that was so manipulative and toxic for so many people, and now the kids being older and a new one in the picture. Seeing her on IG holding his kids is the weirdest sight for so many reasons.

Feels like such a train wreck waiting to happen again, not that I wish for that at all, I do want her to be happy.

Maybe its just jealousy, and my ego being hurt that I lost someone I cared about to that situation. 

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, rbrt140 said:

I have been trying to wrap my mind around why she would do that and why she would do this all so fast?

She was always in love with him and hoping the day would come when they could finally be together. 

It sucks, but you were apparently the filler while she tried to get over him. But she was clearly not over him if she was getting emotional talking about him and what not. That was you cue that this was not going to work out. Her heart and mind were with him.