Mutual Friend of Ex

[Alpacalia]

My ex-fiancé from several years ago has attempted to contact me despite the fact that I blocked him (fortunately, he's the only one I've had to block), and a couple days ago he attempted to contact me this time via a mutual acquaintance, requesting to face time with me, the mutual acquaintance, and my ex. Which I find odd. Then this morning, I received an unusual friend request on social media, which I deleted.

I thought I was pretty direct with the ex that I have no desire to interact with him because the last time we spoke (which was after a few years had past), he was a bit inappropriate towards me.

I haven't responded to the mutual acquaintance, but it has put me in a difficult situation because I am friendly with this mutual acquaintance and his family, particularly his daughter, and I'm unsure whether I should ignore this mutual acquaintance in the future.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

 a couple days ago he attempted to contact me this time via a mutual acquaintance, requesting to face time with me, the mutual acquaintance, and my ex. 

That's ok. Just be straight up with the acquaintance that you left the past in the past and that works best for you.

Keep in mind whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons such as just got dumped and backtracking through the contact lists to see who's still around.

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. Just be straight up with the acquaintance that you left the past in the past and that works best for you.

Keep in mind whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons such as just got dumped and backtracking through the contact lists to see who's still around.

True, but he's been trying to contact me for years. Even when he was with other girlfriends. It's not like it's all of sudden.

But yes, I think being straight up is the best but I just don't feel like responding at all but that may strain my friendship with his family.

[Blind-Sided]

Yep.........  Just tell your common friend that things were bad between you and your ex... and you had to block him, and you have NO intentions on talking to him again.  I'm sure your common friend doesn't want to be in the middle of something that serious. 

[Alpacalia]

19 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

Yep.........  Just tell your common friend that things were bad between you and your ex... and you had to block him, and you have NO intentions on talking to him again.  I'm sure your common friend doesn't want to be in the middle of something that serious. 

Yeah, I thought that was weird. Especially since they're close friends and he knows everything that went down. Like why would I want to face time with the two of you?  I really want to just ignore it altogether but I guess just telling his friend the same thing I told my ex and that I really have no desire to maintain contact with you.

[understand50]

At best he wants to apologize, and get "closer", or at worst he wants to restart some type of relationship.  If this is a issue with him trying to get in touch with you and it bothers you,  tell your  mutual friend you would take a letter from him, and see what he is looking for.   If it is just a apology, then it is done. A note back acknowledging you got it would then put thing to rest, if it is something else, you can continue as before or make new plans with more knowledge.   If he is being a pest, it may be a good thing to try and find out why, and try and settle, but I think meeting in person is not in your best interest.  Now, what I am suggesting is only if you want too.   You do not owe him anything, and you should take this  course of action if  that works for you.  One way to think of this, is you are at war and are gathering intelligence. 

I wish you luck.

 

[ajequals]

11 hours ago, Alpaca said:

My ex-fiancé from several years ago has attempted to contact me despite the fact that I blocked him (fortunately, he's the only one I've had to block), and a couple days ago he attempted to contact me this time via a mutual acquaintance, requesting to face time with me, the mutual acquaintance, and my ex. Which I find odd. Then this morning, I received an unusual friend request on social media, which I deleted.

I thought I was pretty direct with the ex that I have no desire to interact with him because the last time we spoke (which was after a few years had past), he was a bit inappropriate towards me.

I haven't responded to the mutual acquaintance, but it has put me in a difficult situation because I am friendly with this mutual acquaintance and his family, particularly his daughter, and I'm unsure whether I should ignore this mutual acquaintance in the future.

I guess I wonder what he did years ago that made you block any contact. being there's a history between you maybe you should see if there's a change for the better?  I think todays women are way to quick to pull the plug on Potental relationships for reasons that did not exist before cell phones and social media  .. Too many single not so young anymore ladies on here  

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he still holds a torch🔥.

However do you feel it's more like stalking and a little creepy?

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, understand50 said:

At best he wants to apologize, and get "closer", or at worst he wants to restart some type of relationship.  If this is a issue with him trying to get in touch with you and it bothers you,  tell your  mutual friend you would take a letter from him, and see what he is looking for.   If it is just a apology, then it is done. A note back acknowledging you got it would then put thing to rest, if it is something else, you can continue as before or make new plans with more knowledge.   If he is being a pest, it may be a good thing to try and find out why, and try and settle, but I think meeting in person is not in your best interest.  Now, what I am suggesting is only if you want too.   You do not owe him anything, and you should take this  course of action if  that works for you.  One way to think of this, is you are at war and are gathering intelligence. 

I wish you luck.

 

Thanks! No, I prefer no contact with my ex. While I appreciate the advice, I think doing the above would just open more of a window for him back into my life which I want to avoid.

1 hour ago, ajequals said:

I guess I wonder what he did years ago that made you block any contact. being there's a history between you maybe you should see if there's a change for the better?  I think todays women are way to quick to pull the plug on Potental relationships for reasons that did not exist before cell phones and social media  .. Too many single not so young anymore ladies on here  

We broke up several years ago and he's tried contacting me throughout the years but I've always ignored it. Then after a few years, I said what they hay, I guess there's nothing wrong with saying hi in return and see how he's doing. But that conversation was nothing but him talking about all our good times together, remember this time, remember that time, and a few remarks he made that were a bit "inappropriate" to which I said, yeah, I don't think us talking is such a good idea after all. But he kept contacting me after that to the point I had to block him.

I'm not sure pulling the plug too quickly applies here - our relationship was several years in length and my choice to end it was not an overnight decision.

Any who, thanks for your input!

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It sounds like he still holds a torch🔥.

However do you feel it's more like stalking and a little creepy?

I suppose.

Not creepy, more so pestie. If that's even a word. 😆

He's tried contacting me so many times through various channels so I guess it is a little creepy when you think about it.

[Alpacalia]

I thought about this some more and I don't know for some reason it takes a bit of time for my emotions to catch up with me but after this incident I felt emotionally and physically drained.

When I think about it, I told him the last time we spoke that I don't want any contact with him then blocked him. For him to still try to contact me means he has no respect for my boundaries (which thank you @Wiseman2 you kinda helped give me a lightbulb moment).

I told his friend to please not contact me with regard to my ex and he said he understood.

So, hopefully, that's the end of that!

Edited November 16, 2021 by Alpaca

[glows]

It's a disappointment when someone isn't who you think they are or doesn't meet your expectations or pushes boundaries. I can empathize with feeling drained. I think you did the right thing. If the interaction is inappropriate, best to keep the door closed. You can spend your energy on better things.

[Alpacalia]

51 minutes ago, glows said:

It's a disappointment when someone isn't who you think they are or doesn't meet your expectations or pushes boundaries. I can empathize with feeling drained. I think you did the right thing. If the interaction is inappropriate, best to keep the door closed. You can spend your energy on better things.

Yes.

Thanks glows!

Hopefully he won't start creating fake profiles and try contacting me. 🤣

Edited November 16, 2021 by Alpaca

[glows]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

Yes.

Thanks glows!

Hopefully he won't start creating fake profiles and try contacting me. 🤣

This would confirm the break up was a good idea. It would be someone who lacks respect for you in general. Hard pass and continue to move forwards. Don't look back or humour him with anything.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, glows said:

This would confirm the break up was a good idea. It would be someone who lacks respect for you in general. Hard pass and continue to move forwards. Don't look back or humour him with anything.

Yes, I know I made the right choice leaving him back when I did and I've never doubted that decision for a minute.

Thanks again, I always appreciate your advice.