My next step? update

[Alvi]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

.  I go back to our text and there I realized I had not read all of his text. I had missed a huge paragraph where he was saying he's looking for a house in the suburbs and of course he'll have to get a car eventually.

Exactly how long is "eventually?" Could be in a month. Or could be 25 years from now. The guy is 57-year-old. Hate to say but he is not a spring chicken anymore. Maybe he is going to take driving as a new "hobby" once he retires, lol. Just curious, how long would it take for him to get a full driver's license in your province? In mine, it takes at least 3 years. And you cannot drive by yourself (need to have a person with the full license to sit by your side) for the first year. Also, there are some other restrictions as to which hours you cannot drive, now many passengers you can have in your car without a full license. So, you take a written test and practice with someone for a year. Then take a driving test after one year and if you pass you can take another final road test in 2 years. Hopefully things are easier in Quebec. If he gets any demerit points, it may take him a lot longer to actually get this accomplished. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

So they are living in rented accommodation?
Waiting for some woman to finance and upgrade their lives maybe...

Maybe for some but not for all.  I have a close relative who is a professional (when he remarries his wife would not have to work yet could enjoy a luxurious lifestyle; would have the option to work if she cared to) and plans on renting a home for two years. He just sold a mansion. The home he's renting is new and clean but modest compared to what he just moved out of. If a woman met him and didn't date him bc he doesn't own a home she'd be misjudging him.

I also know several newly divorced professional, good-looking men in the same category (renting modestly, below their means as they wait to transition to something more permanent).

Edited November 7, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease

[Gaeta]

@Alvi it's 13 months with an apprentis license, meaning you can only drive with an experienced driver. Then you get your real license but it's limited to 4 points and it gradually goes up to full permit in 2 years of no offense.

Edited November 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

21 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I also know several newly divorced professional, good-looking men in the same category (renting modestly, below their means as they wait to transition to something more permanent).

He does not come across as someone struggling. What ever he rents has a big yard. He also gave me his full name and l had a peek at his FB. His 21 yo daughter is at the center of his life, just graduated Uni in psychology. People posting on his pics seem to have a lot of respect for him. I don't know why people assume l date the bottom of the barrel.

Edited November 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[Versacehottie]

I think you could have added a final sentence when you reached out for your apology...something to the effect of asking him out or for a drink to apologize or finally meet up.  Much like your daughter said.  Anyway, that moment has passed and while he was gracious and polite, he didn't jump all over the opportunity himself when you contacted him.  Might mean the reservations you have about him not driving are realistic ones that he "gets" now.  Or that he finds some things about you interesting and attractive but doesn't see long term prospects due to how you handled that interaction previously.  Or very possible that he met someone in the meantime.

Honestly, I don't think you should do another thing.  I think let it marinate with him.  If it's on his mind he will reach out.  I think some of your hesitations were very real and just let things play out without forcing them now. If they are meant to be, they will be.  If not, they won't.  I agree with whoever said he potentially sounds like a "project" guy  and you should like what he is like RIGHT NOW so you both aren't frustrated. Idk, if he lived a married life for 18 years and just let his wife drive him around it doesn't sound like he's going to be in a rush to get that license based on his own history alone--whether he's in the city of Montreal or not, or been completely urban all his life.  He doesn't seem very self-motivated on the surface from what you've said here. Maybe that doesn't bother you, but I think banking on the fact that he will BECOME something he isn't yet and has never done on his own is not what you should evaluate. Evaluate the guy in front of you now without expectations for the future. Like assess him AS IF he will never get the house in the country and never learn to drive (or get his own car).  Good luck 😊

[hajk]

30 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@Alvi it's 13 months with an apprentis license, meaning you can only drive with an experienced driver. Then you get your real license but it's limited to 4 points and it gradually goes up to full permit in 2 years if no offense.

@Gaeta Wow, it's quite a lengthy process to get a driver license in Canada.  No wonder some people don't have driver license there.

Edited November 7, 2021 by hajk

[Girl Fade Away]

@Gaetathis is going to be eating away at you.  I now think you should call him and point bank ask him to meet for coffee or drink.  Do not apologize again, you have already done that.  You literally have nothing to lose and if you begin dating and he cannot court you properly by arranging for transport then feel free to dump.  But it seems like you like him and want to try this on so why not?  

Reading past thread, it has not worked out with other men that met your standards, who drives, owns car, owns home, so why not try a different type of man who may be lacking in those things but who treats you with kindness, care and respect?  It does not appear you have received much of those things from the other men you have dated lately .  Why not give him a chance if HE is open to it, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Edited November 7, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

@Gaetathis 

Reading past thread, it has not worked out with other men that met your standards, who drives, owns car, owns home, so why not try a different type of man who may be lacking in those things but who treats you with kindness, care and respect?  It does not appear you have received much of those things from the other men you have dated lately .  Why not give him a chance if HE is open to it, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It was my thought process too. The most well established men were the nurse who reached under my dress on our 2nd date, Poet man🙄, and Perv guy who was A1 in person but a dirty mouth on text.

Since Romeo l am now wary of men that could take advantage of me. A non driving man could.

 I'm convinced now to let it die. My 17 yo is doing her driving course right now so she can gain more independance and l can get more freedom....makes no sense l'd get a non driving boyfriend.

[Gaeta]

This is about the man I regret rejecting because he doesn't drive.

I text him an apology on Nov 6th, didn't hear anything back so I let it die. 

Saturday night (7 days later) around midnight I checked my dating app (created a new profile Saturday am) and to my surprise he had liked my profile. I went ahead and liked his and it created a match, which sent him a notification. He wrote to me right away. 

We exchanged for about 45 minutes. He says he's still wrapping his mind around the fact I dropped him so fast for so little. He spoke about what dating has become, that it's not about courting anymore but luring etc etc, relationships have become these ready-to-go meals etc etc...I spare you the rest. I gave him the entire space to express his resentment. At the end he asked if we could continue this conversation another time that he had a big day and was very tired, I said of course,  and he said good night pretty Gaeta.  I really did not expect receiving a compliment after 45 minutes of him questioning my character. 

The following day I sent him a message offering him to do this the good old way and to talk over a coffee. He read my message last night and did not reply. 

I am 100% honest with you guys, this man has now become a challenge to me!  I think I need to go into full blown seductive mode?

[stillafool]

Go for it Gaeta. I wouldn't let the fact that a good guy didn't have a car keep me from getting to know him.  You have a car and he has money for gas so just do it.

[elaine567]

35 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He spoke about what dating has become, that it's not about courting anymore but luring etc etc,

I would hold back a bit on the full blown seductive mode...
If he wants to court you in an old fashioned way, then maybe  best to let him. 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I would hold back a bit on the full blown seductive mode...
If he wants to court you in an old fashioned way, then maybe  best to let him. 

I think he meant women are not courting but luring men. He is looking at this from a man's point of view.

[smackie9]

Passive aggressive...what out for that. To that conversation and the compliment at the end would have turned me off.  I wouldn't put anymore effort into this. The ball is in his court. Don't lose yourself over it. IMO he's not really the happy go lucky positive guy I thought he would be.

[elaine567]

Just now, Gaeta said:

I think he meant women are not courting but luring men. He is looking at this from a man's point of view.

And what do you propose to do in full seduction mode, that sounds a bit like luring men no?

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

And what do you propose to do in full seduction mode, that sounds a bit like luring men no?

haha, good point!

Not much I can do from here right? unless turning into a stalker. 

[Girl Fade Away]

57 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I really did not expect receiving a compliment after 45 minutes of him questioning my character. 

In what way did he question your character?  For 45 minutes?  I kind of get it though, conflict creates tension which creates attraction, but I would seriously reconsider becoming involved with a man who questioned /undermined/ insulted my character before ever meeting me in person.  

And all because you prefer a man who drives?  Wow.

What pulls you towards this Gaeta?  

Edited November 15, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

In what way did he question your character?  For 45 minutes?  I kind of get it though, conflict creates tension which creates attraction, but I would seriously reconsider becoming involved with a man who questioned /undermined/ insulted my character before ever meeting me in person.  

And all because you prefer a man who drives?  Wow.

What pulls you towards this Gaeta?  

It started with a bit of humor, that I had lost points I did not even have, lots of funny faces with that, I thought it was funny.  Then on a more serious tone he said 'my panic' was a concern, he's been there and is careful with this type of reaction. He was not insulting in any way. He's very articulate and was careful with words. He sounds like a skilled communicator, he never used *you* but always communicate from his point example:  It was so sudden, I don't/do feel ABC, I'm still absorbing it. 

What pulls me? The whole package. Personality, outlook on life, how he's passionate about things in his life, definitely his intellect, and of course I find him very very attractive. Now that he's expressed he's not gonna unroll the red carpet because I'm suddenly back....I want him more. 

[Alvi]

I think you did everything you could Gaeta. You did apologize. He knows that you are interested. So the ball is in his court I think. So sit back and see what he does next. If he does anything. Don't do anything else with him. If he is truly interested, he is going to reach out. If not, then I guess it is not meant to be. But talk and go on dates with other guys in a meantime too.

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 I really did not expect receiving a compliment after 45 minutes of him questioning my character. 

That's rather excessive in my opinion. You've never met in a real life and he is "that" upset that you dropped him? lol. But like I said somewhere in my response in one of your threads, you have a lot more patience than I do.

 

[clia]

This guy has you right where he wants you.  You came crawling back to him and are coming across as very desperate right now.   

Quote

We exchanged for about 45 minutes. He says he's still wrapping his mind around the fact I dropped him so fast for so little.

It's not "so little," though.  It's a man who is 50 something years old who never bothered to get a driver's license, and probably never will.  But he wants you to think that you were being shallow to drop him so quickly.  You were not -- unless you don't mind driving a man around for the rest of your life.

Quote

He spoke about what dating has become, that it's not about courting anymore but luring etc etc, relationships have become these ready-to-go meals etc etc...I spare you the rest. I gave him the entire space to express his resentment. At the end he asked if we could continue this conversation another time that he had a big day and was very tired, I said of course,  and he said good night pretty Gaeta.  I really did not expect receiving a compliment after 45 minutes of him questioning my character. 

This is just classic game playing.  He vents at you for 45 minutes to try to make you feel terrible about yourself and then throws a crumb your way.  Why are you falling for this?

Quote

 

The following day I sent him a message offering him to do this the good old way and to talk over a coffee. He read my message last night and did not reply. 

I am 100% honest with you guys, this man has now become a challenge to me!  I think I need to go into full blown seductive mode?

 

Stop chasing this man.  It's not going to be a good outcome for you.

[glows]

No, he sounds upset about this but that is also his right. You are backtracking and all this drama over someone you've never met. I really do not blame him for being unnerved by you changing your mind. It's not the drive or not drive but the flip flopping that would turn me away if I were on the receiving end. 

I do drive (love driving) and have been in a long term relationship with someone who didn't drive or have a car at the time. Would I repeat this? No. The difference in lifestyle is just too vast and I would never want to be the sole driver again. It's much more fun being with someone who also loves to drive and take over the wheel or share long trips. 

Whatever happens with this person, talk to other men. Or, personally, I'd shut this down if these are all the options that are turning up or give it a break. Don't waste your time.

[vla1120]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

....and of course I find him very very attractive.

Are you 100% certain his photo is recent? I only ask because of how many times I've chatted with someone who I thought looked one way, only to find out their photos were from a decade or more before. I don't put physical appearance above all else, but honesty does count.

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Are you 100% certain his photo is recent? 

He gave me his full name. As per his FB he is who he is. 

[Gaeta]

I have a friend, 49 who does not drive so he's bias a bit. He says it's a lesson l've been needing to learn. 

[Girl Fade Away]

 

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Now that he's expressed he's not gonna unroll the red carpet because I'm suddenly back....I want him more. 

Gaeta, I get the not rolling out the red carpet because you are back thing I would not want that either,  but do you think he is at all interested in dating you or even just meeting you in person?   If he is he is not doing much of anything to indicate that interest, is he?    

If you are inclined to chase and seduce that is fine I understand the inclination, but I remind you to read your own signature line before making a final decision.

Edited November 15, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[ShyViolet]

This is a very weird situation.  He's already resentful of you and you have never even met the guy in person.  

Whatever you do, do not chase him.  That's not a good position to be in.  Don't be that person that comes off as desperate.  It seems that the ball is in his court now.  Let him come to you if he's interested.