My next step? update

[smackie9]

I can see if the demographics were like NYC where most use uber/transit etc. But for the majority of us, especially where I live you need to drive. It's the west coast where people go lake fishing/camping, skiing, etc. Plus our transit system shuts down at 1am. At the cost of an Uber/cab, you may as well drive.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

When I said that it was before he gave me the 'I'm a dreamer and you hurt my ego'. What made me want him more, at the time, was the fact he was not going to let me in just like that after dumping him. 

If this man was posting here, everyone would tell him to not give me the time of the day, that if he let me in again, after dumping him in the way I did, he'd be in the weaker position. Him holding on to his power was attractive. 

But he would word it as such to look like the victim. I would have np pointing out the issue on his end, and his passive/aggressiveness. I probably would say, Gaeta has a point there. A grown a$$ man at his age and never driven before. That's a red flag to me.

[Calmandfocused]

It’s a well known fact that the older you are when you learn to drive, the harder it is to learn. 
 

He won’t get his drivers license G. That’s rubbish. If he was ever going to get it he would have done so by now. 
 

My opinion is still the same as your previous thread. He wasn’t the guy for you then and he isn’t for you now. 
 

You haven’t even met him and you’re romanticising him. Because you’ve been disappointed by others you believe that hes an opportunity that’s  passed you by. I beg to differ on that one. 

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

My cousin doesn't drive and he rents an apartment.

But he's an ophthalmologist and generally gets around by mass transit or by Uber.

Some people just dislike driving especially if it's in a big city.

I can relate to this. I lived in America for a long stretch of time and managed to get by just fine without driving. And I wasn't relying on others to drive me around either. I used mass transit. Occasionally, I used a cab. Other times, I walked. I basically organized my life around my situation. And I wasn't unhappy about that. In every other country I've lived in, it's been the same story. So I think the general fuss being made about folks who don't drive is a bit over the top. The American/Canadian "everyone drives" approach to life is actually an anomaly globally.

Having said that, @Gaeta, I don't have a problem with not driving being a deal breaker for anyone. If you only want to date someone who wants to drive, that's fine. I couldn't help rolling my eyes at this guy's later responses to you. If he's happy with his decision not to drive, your implied criticism of his choice should not emasculate him. He should just shrug his shoulders, accept that you're not compatible, and move on to the next person. He seems a bit too keen for your approval. And he's just the sort of person who might vindictively hurt you if you make the mistake of dating him.

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

If this man was posting here, everyone would tell him to not give me the time of the day, that if he let me in again, after dumping him in the way I did, he'd be in the weaker position. Him holding on to his power was attractive. 

I don't know if he's really holding onto his power, though. His passive aggression suggests otherwise. It would have been more "powerful" for him to just ignore you or to say goodbye and move on. Passive aggression suggests his ego is easily bruised and your approval meant more to him than it should have. (If it's not obvious, I really can't stand passive aggression.) 

Edited November 16, 2021 by Acacia98

[Girl Fade Away]

37 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I will put up new pictures....that will make him walk over his ego. Men are simple, he needs to be motivated enough. 

Seductive pictures?  You mentioned the words "luring" and "seductive" in a previous post, so that's the plan?  To lure, seduce and motivate through new pics?  Not a judgment at all, if you've got it, flaunt it.   Men are visual creatures after all.

I am not the type of person who will try to keep someone from doing what they want to do, what is in their heart to do, so good luck Gaeta. 

Edited November 16, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Seductive pictures? 

Never lol. 

Just normal new pictures. When you read on here, prospects posting new pictures seem to have everyone in a panic. 

 

[Gaeta]

39 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

You haven’t even met him and you’re romanticising him. Because you’ve been disappointed by others you believe that hes an opportunity that’s  passed you by. I beg to differ on that one. 

Yes you are 100% right 

[Uruktopi]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If this man was posting here, everyone would tell him to not give me the time of the day...

Gaeta, I value you the most.

Even so, yes, I would also be one telling him that.

 

[Uruktopi]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I will put up new pictures....that will make him walk over his ego. Men are simple, he needs to be motivated enough. 

May be true.

But if he don´t I´ll regain some of my lost faith in human dignity.

[smackie9]

Off topic as those who say it's ok to get by without driving....I always wonder what those poor souls at the bus stop feel out there in the elements/freezing/raining/ sweltering heat as I happily drive by in my nice warm or air conditioned truck, in my own space, listening to tunes as I get home in record time. Trust me I used to depend on transit and I hated it. People's BO, creepy guy groping you, getting shoved, having to stand for an hour, watch a fight on the bus. I don't miss it at all really.

[Girl Fade Away]

25 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Off topic as those who say it's ok to get by without driving....I always wonder what those poor souls at the bus stop feel out there in the elements/freezing/raining/ sweltering heat as I happily drive by in my nice warm or air conditioned truck, in my own space, listening to tunes as I get home in record time. Trust me I used to depend on transit and I hated it. People's BO, creepy guy groping you, getting shoved, having to stand for an hour, watch a fight on the bus. I don't miss it at all really.

@smackie9I agree about the bus however, I do not know anyone who takes the bus anymore.  There is Uber, Lyft, Free Ride, Dial-A-Ride, scooters and bikes to rent, there is not reason to be taking the bus anymore especially when on a date.   My boyfriend and I both have cars but when going out for dinner and drinking even when we first began dating, we often use Uber and Lyft which are not expensive.  Yesterday I downloaded the Free Ride App, they came 10 minutes later took me where I needed, no charge but I gave a small tip.  We like to rent scooters to toot around town on the weekends.

Gaeta, he could get to yours using Uber or Lyft.  Stay for a drink then you could take Uber or Lyft where you need to go.  Or use the same Uber/Lyft that he took to pick you up.    If you will be drinking, that is a better idea anyway.   

I do not really like him for other reasons, but in his defense with respect to driving, if he has managed OK thus far at 57 years of age, I do not see the issue.  I think I posted this earlier, but why not have some trust that he can court your properly?  If that turns out to NOT be the case and you find you are chauffeuring him around, then dump.  But why not give a chance since you are obviously so attracted to him?

It WILL require some flexibility on your part, as opposed to remaining stuck in rigid thinking and societal standards, that is up to you.

Edited November 16, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

I agree about the bus however, I do not know anyone who takes the bus anymore. 

I know loads of people who get busses.  The services are so good that many young people in my area can't see the need for a drivers license. 

I think your experience reflects where you live/your socio economic/city planning issues/timetabling issues.  But rest assured, there is not a rejection of busses by all and sundry.

Edited November 16, 2021 by basil67

[Girl Fade Away]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I know loads of people who get busses.  The services are so good that many young people in my area can't see the need for a drivers license. 

I think your experience reflects where you live/your socio economic/city planning issues/timetabling issues.  But rest assured, there is not a rejection of busses by all and sundry.

Fair enough I stand corrected! 

[Gaeta]

On  my drive back home tonight I got a big rock hit my windshield. Again. 

I was thinking this man must have piles of money aside. If I think of all the windshield repairs, tires (winter & summer), break maintenance, direction maintenance, paint maintenance, car payment, insurance, gas...over the past 30 years. He's got to be rich!

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

On  my drive back home tonight I got a big rock hit my windshield. Again. 

I was thinking this man must have piles of money aside. If I think of all the windshield repairs, tires (winter & summer), break maintenance, direction maintenance, paint maintenance, car payment, insurance, gas...over the past 30 years. He's got to be rich!

lol love your sense of humour. 

[dramafreezone]

On 11/15/2021 at 7:24 AM, smackie9 said:

Passive aggressive...what out for that. To that conversation and the compliment at the end would have turned me off.  I wouldn't put anymore effort into this. The ball is in his court. Don't lose yourself over it. IMO he's not really the happy go lucky positive guy I thought he would be.

Can you blame him after the way he was "nexted?"  Guys have feelings too.

I would never, ever admit it to a woman though.

Edited November 16, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Girl Fade Away]

41 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Can you blame him after the way he was "nexted?"  Guys have feelings too.

Oh come on, lol.  They had never even met.  This happens all the time with on line. [ ] People change minds, break the first meet or flake then reappear later.  It has been said before you need a very thick skin for on line, the over-sensitive and insecure types who get easily hurt or offended need not apply.

I myself am a pretty sensitive person and I never got "hurt" when a man cancelled the first meet then popped up later.  I had other options that kept me plenty busy.  This guy is a whiner I do not like him but Gaeta DOES like him so I am all for her initiating that first meet if she decides she wants to do that.

Edited November 16, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[dramafreezone]

31 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Oh come on, lol.  They had never even met.  This happens all the time with on line.  [ ] people change minds, break the first meet or flake then reappear later.  It has been said before you need a very thick skin for on line, the over-sensitive and insecure types who get easily hurt or offended need not apply.

You're viewing this from the vantage point of a woman that can get multiple viable matches a day.

That's not the world of an average guy on OLD.   The average guy is doing pretty well if he finds 1 viable match a week.

I agree that he needs thicker skin but also understand that it's an entirely different experience for most guys.  We put more into a match simply because we don't get as many of them.

So, easy for the average woman to not heavily invest in one match, they have several more in the bullpen.

Edited November 16, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Girl Fade Away]

4 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

You're viewing this from the vantage point of a woman that can get multiple viable matches a day.

That's not the world of an average guy on OLD.   The average guy is doing pretty well if he finds 1 viable match a week.

I agree that he needs thicker skin but also understand that it's an entirely different experience for most guys.  We put more into a match simply because we don't get as many of them.

So, easy for the average woman to not heavily invest in one match, they have several more in the bullpen.

OK but it is not like she rejected him because she was not attracted to him or met someone she liked better.  He does not drive and at first blush that did not appeal to her.   That's fair.    After rethinking it she changed her mind because SHE LIKES HIM.  So not getting him being so butt-hurt about the whole thing, enough to rant on her character for 45 minutes?  

[Veronica73]

I get if you you live in a big city you don’t *need* a car. But don’t people in the city ever want to travel somewhere that doesn’t have mass transit or cabs? There is a whole lot of the continent that isn’t reachable unless you can drive a car or truck.

[basil67]

49 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

On  my drive back home tonight I got a big rock hit my windshield. Again. 

I was thinking this man must have piles of money aside. If I think of all the windshield repairs, tires (winter & summer), break maintenance, direction maintenance, paint maintenance, car payment, insurance, gas...over the past 30 years. He's got to be rich!

Absolutely!  If a person can do most of their activities without a car, it's far cheaper to do public transport and get Taxis/Hire cars when required.   Of course, it only works if the infrastructure is in place. 

I don't know if it's happening in most major cities, but we have increasing share car options here and it's so much cheaper than owning.  Our "second car" is a share car.

[Veronica73]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Absolutely!  If a person can do most of their activities without a car, it's far cheaper to do public transport and get Taxis/Hire cars when required.   Of course, it only works if the infrastructure is in place. 

I don't know if it's happening in most major cities, but we have increasing share car options here and it's so much cheaper than owning.  Our "second car" is a share car.

Right. The zip car/ share car things seem like a great option. But you still need to be able to drive.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

On  my drive back home tonight I got a big rock hit my windshield. Again. 

I was thinking this man must have piles of money aside. If I think of all the windshield repairs, tires (winter & summer), break maintenance, direction maintenance, paint maintenance, car payment, insurance, gas...over the past 30 years. He's got to be rich!

The costs of operating an automobile.

 

I have a full paid for car that has only 25K miles in a brand that retains resell value.  I could sell it for $15K easily if ?I want to.

 

montjly I pay for

 

auto insurance

monthly car parking spot of $75

my state charges a car tax related to age which is around $250 a year.

annual car inspection and every other year emissions testing.

 

I don’t really need it for anything. I can get by on public transportation ( subway, bus, walk) where I live.

[Veronica73]

I think the bigger issue *was* at least that he didn’t know how to drive. That was my point, but maybe I didn’t word it well. Not knowing how to drive is a very different issue than not owning a car.

Edited November 16, 2021 by Veronica73