My next step? update

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

I think the bigger issue *was* at least that he didn’t know how to drive. That was my point, but maybe I didn’t word it well. Not knowing how to drive is a very different issue than not owning a car.

I agree and l have this image in my head that he can't drive me to a hospital in an emergency.

[elaine567]

He may be one of these people who have never managed to pass their driving test, he may still not be able to do so...

[basil67]

Or has a health condition which precludes him from driving

[Alpacalia]

23 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

You really don't want or need a man this badly, come on.  

He doesn't drive and now you're chasing him.  He hasn't asked you out.  You only went back because your other options didn't pan out - we've all been on the receiving end of that and it sucks.  He was your B option.  

Now he's a challenge and you want him.  Stop stooping so low to have a man's attention.  

Agree.

He still no longer drives does he?

We've all been there before I'm sure but it's a challenge now because the below didn't seem to be a consideration before.

On 11/15/2021 at 8:12 AM, Gaeta said:

What pulls me? The whole package. Personality, outlook on life, how he's passionate about things in his life, definitely his intellect, and of course I find him very very attractive. Now that he's expressed he's not gonna unroll the red carpet because I'm suddenly back....I want him more. 

[Veronica73]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I agree and l have this image in my head that he can't drive me to a hospital in an emergency.

Right? It does kind of seem to indicate a lack of self-sufficiency. At least in the US and I would imagine Canada.

[Veronica73]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Or has a health condition which precludes him from driving

Then he could have disclosed this instead of saying he was planning on getting his license.

[Interstellar]

On 11/15/2021 at 10:28 AM, Gaeta said:

haha, good point!

Not much I can do from here right? unless turning into a stalker. 

high heels, tight jeans,  hair in a bun 😉

Edited November 17, 2021 by Interstellar

[chillii]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I will put up new pictures....that will make him walk over his ego. Men are simple, he needs to be motivated enough. 

Ummm , speak for the ones you seem to be meeting. Wish l was simple my life would be a whole lot easier.

Online stuff though , pictures are only a small part of the story , back in the day l was turned straight off many a time from even one line in something she'd written or said , often many lines , way beyond looks.

Edited November 17, 2021 by chillii

[Gaeta]

5 hours ago, chillii said:

Ummm , speak for the ones you seem to be meeting. Wish l was simple my life would be a whole lot easier.

Online stuff though , pictures are only a small part of the story , back in the day l was turned straight off many a time from even one line in something she'd written or said , often many lines , way beyond looks.

I understand but him and l are past the first impression. 

[bene]

I’d be wary of the sudden increase of his attractiveness that is mostly based on the fact that you can’t have him. It’s like trying to earn back a loss in gambling, your judgement gets clouded by a rush of adrenaline.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 he can't drive me to a hospital in an emergency.

Does he live in a large metro area with good public transportation?

Lots of urban people don't bother with cars in that case. Anyone can Uber these days.

Many celebrities don't drive so it's not about stupidly or poverty.

 Do you live in a rural or suburban area, where cars are a necessity?

An ambulance drives people to the hospital.

[Gaeta]

Wiseman2: Yes he lives in the city where public transportation is well developped.

Yes l live in a rural area where a car is needed.

There is little public transportation connecting the city to the rural area and what exists is time consuming.

When the dust fell down l realized this man does not need to travel to me for a long time. I'm not living alone like l did when l met my ex and all our time was spent here. I got a kiddo now so l'm the one who will travel to who ever l date.

[Veronica73]

So people who can’t drive have no desire to ever see other areas of the country (or continent) where it is necessary to travel by car? That’s so weird to me. But I guess it’s not unlike NY/LA people who only fly back and forth between the two places and have zero desire to see anything else. But I don’t live in NY or LA. I live in flyover country. So the whole… don’t wanna drive seems like it would be a dealbreaker for me. (It wouldn’t necessarily be one if the person had a disability and couldn’t drive.) I like to travel, and not only to cities. I mean….road trips are so great!!! Wtf, lol!

Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

When the dust fell down l realized this man does not need to travel to me for a long time.

It's not that... What will start out innocent enough, where he'll ask to stop off at a store to return something or pick up an item or two will turn into you becoming his "taxi service".

No one likes the hassle of public transportation or forking out hard earned money for an Uber or Lyft. His little errands will become chores you'll have to help him complete.

I know first hand, as I dated a woman without a car.  She took public transportation to/from work and for all of her shopping needs (before I met her).  What started out as "Oh I need to pick up milk on our way home from going out to dinner" to "a long list of errands and chores".  Of course it was easier to have me transport her to all of these places and shop for items on sale at different stores and have me pick her up from the dentist, etc. vs. taking the bus home, but it wasn't fair to me. I mentioned (previously) that I picked up this woman for dinner and after we ran a "few errands", it was 3.5 hours later and the restaurant's kitchen had closed.  At that point, I said "no more" that I wasn't a "taxi service" and she should buy a car or use the bus, as she had before we met.  For the record, this woman did have a driver's license, just no car.

Like your guy @Gaeta... It would start out innocent enough, but then it escalates to the point that people get lazy and take advantage of the kindness of the person who has the car.

[Girl Fade Away]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Like your guy @Gaeta... It would start out innocent enough, but then it escalates to the point that people get lazy and take advantage of the kindness of the person who has the car.

Pure speculation.  Thinking more positively, dating Gaeta might *inspire* him to get off his butt, and get a driver's license and buy car. Anything can happen. 

Like I said Gaeta, give him a chance, have some faith that he IS able to court you properly, and not look to you to be his chauffeur.  IF that  does happen, feel free to dump but since you ARE so attracted, why not give this a chance  assuming HE wants to?  And see what happens?   There is nothing wrong with YOU driving to his either. 

If you have an emergency situation, dial 911 or the Canadian equivalent.   I have a boyfriend who does have a car, but that is what I wouid do, emergency responders have the tools and equipment to immediately assist and get you to hospital faster anyway.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

I want to give him a chance, for that I need to break through his big inflated ego. 

[Gaeta]

I'll send him *Get outta my dream, Get into my car* by Billy Ocean (lol)

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Yes he lives in the city where public transportation is well developped. Yes l live in a rural area where a car is needed.

Ok, perhaps narrow your geographical range so city people are not in your demographics. Or, as mentioned consider that you'll need to drive to the city.

If someone doesn't have a car/license because they drink heavily, have a revoked license, DUIs, financial issues, etc. that's a red flag.

However if someone is urban and commutes with public transport, it's not a red flag. That's common in many metro areas around the globe. 

If you are in a rural/suburban area, yes a car is necessary.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Happy Lemming]

29 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

...dating Gaeta might *inspire* him to get off his butt, and get a driver's license and buy car.

 

He's 57...  If he hasn't done it yet, he's not going to do it.

I can't tell you the number of people that tell me they are "gonna" do this or "gonna" do that... It never materializes.

It will be one excuse after another... he failed the driver's test or he can't get insurance because he never had a license before or the bank won't finance the car (he wants) because he has too much debt or some other reason/excuse.

I even took the woman (I dated) car shopping, so she could own a vehicle.  It was one excuse after another, this ones too big, I don't like the color of that one, I want something with a larger trunk, my Dad said to stay away from that brand/manufacturer, etc. etc. etc.

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Or, as mentioned consider that you'll need to drive to the city.

I drive to the city every day for work. It's not like I never cross the bridge and I'd start doing that just to see him. 

[Girl Fade Away]

@Happy Lemmingyou may be right and if that turns out to be the case, then she dumps.  BUT Gaeta REALLY likes this man, I would not be suggesting giving a chance if she did not.  And like I said, you never know what will happen until you try. 

[smackie9]

17 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Can you blame him after the way he was "nexted?"  Guys have feelings too.

I would never, ever admit it to a woman though.

I'm not dismissing his feelings at all. I'm just focusing on the conversation that occurred. He should have never responded in the first place...I get it he was upset who wouldn't...it's the fact he chose to show his dismay for 45 mins. He's the type that punishes people for wronging him.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It's not like I never cross the bridge and I'd start doing that just to see him. 

Exactly. If you have to change someone before you  date them, just delete and block instead.

Telling him he needs to get a license, buy a car in order to date you is a red flag.

 Accept incompatibilities early on so as not to waste your or others' time.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Girl Fade Away]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you have to change someone before you  date them, just delete and block instead.

Switch the word "change" to "inspire."  Couples inspire each other all the time. Things we might never have thought of doing we will do when our partner inspires us to do so. 

That is what it is all about at least in part.  Inspiring, motivating, NOT by being heavy-handed making demands but because we value our partner and ourselves when in a relationship with them and thusly feel inspired to be the best we can be for ourselves and for them. 

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Allupinnit]

Since you don't know the guy he could have a revoked license due to drunk driving.  Anything is possible but there's really no excuse for a 57-year-old man to not have a driver's license.  You're really reaching.