My next step? update

[Girl Fade Away]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

No-car guy questions if I will react like that each time I come across something that doesn't go my way. It's a legitimate question on his part. 

In his defense, yes it is. What I think he may been have been hinting at too is that in his mind you came across rigid, unbending.   Not allowing him the opportunity to show you what he was made of, whether or not he would be able to court you properly without a car.  It was just an automatic straight next.   So while it may not have been just the issue of not having a car, it was the overall attitude he was sensing from you and was unwilling to give second chance.  

Of course it is your right to reject what you do not like about a man but I have always thought it best to be flexible and yielding about certain things.  If you are attracted to someone, to give them a chance.  Let him show you what he is made of before rejecting, especially when you are so attracted to him like you are or were to this man.  Flexibility is a very attractive quality.  Holding tightly to rigid standards and requirements, not so much.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

And which one would be your honest-with-yourself answer, my friend?

I text my adult daughter who l know would be 100% honest with me. She said not at all, l don't panic to bad news or unexpected events. 

[Gaeta]

On to next. He wrote to me he cannot get over it, the ego is too hurt. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

On to next. He wrote to me he cannot get over it, the ego is too hurt. 

At the beginning of this latest OLD journey after your breakup you were doing OLD the way it’s supposed to go; not getting too attached in the early stages. Multi dating. Having fun. Now it seems you’re getting too caught up in the early stages. I think it’s time for a break.

[Sun Seeker]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

On to next. He wrote to me he cannot get over it, the ego is too hurt. 

Good, I would be the same. Nexting someone because they don't drive, whatever way you look at it, is incredibly shallow.

[Gaeta]

Attachment? That's a pretty big word.

I was hopeful, challenged, curious, regretful of my behavior, attracted to the idea of him....l didn't see attachment walk by.

[Gaeta]

Ironically, my new prospect works for Ministry of Transport and drives 600km a day haha. 

[Uruktopi]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Ironically, my new prospect works for Ministry of Transport and drives 600km a day haha. 

It seems that driving is a strong factor of attraction in your case, isn´t it?

 

Edited November 18, 2021 by Uruktopi

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Ironically, my new prospect works for Ministry of Transport and drives 600km a day haha. 

Have you set up a date?

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

It seems that driving is a strong factor of attraction in your case, isn´t it?

 

I was raised on a farm, born in a family of men, to me men drive, fix cars, put up shelves, build decks.

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you set up a date?

He wants to take me out to dinner this weekend. I offered to meet over coffee, I think he was disappointed. He's new to online dating, he will eventually catch on. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

regretful of my behavior

I think you are being a little hard on yourself.  You really don't have anything to be "regretful" about.  And there was nothing wrong with your behavior.  As we go through life, there are certain aspects of adulthood that we complete (going to the dentist/doctor, going to Jury Duty, voting in an election, etc.).  Getting a driver's license is one of those adult actions/chores we should complete.  I can understand not needing a car and renting one for a weekend trip or when needed, but there is no excuse for not obtaining a driver's license.  It is an ADULT "rite of passage" that we should all do.

32 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Ironically, my new prospect works for Ministry of Transport and drives 600km a day haha. 

Glad to hear you have a new prospect!!  YEA!!  Keep us posted.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He wants to take me out to dinner this weekend. I offered to meet over coffee

Ok, have fun. Maybe if it works out in person, you can have a real date next time.

[Uruktopi]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I was raised on a farm, born in a family of men, to me men drive, fix cars, put up shelves, build decks.

I understand you and about this quite well.

[Girl Fade Away]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I was raised on a farm, born in a family of men, to me men drive, fix cars, put up shelves, build decks.

But yet you were quite drawn to him, found him attractive, you laughed, had great banter, you connected.  But because he did not fit your image of what a "man" is you dumped.  

Try to let go of rigid standards, at 55, it is time.  I think you will find your experiences will improve if you do. 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

But yet you were quite drawn to him, found him attractive, you laughed, had great banter, you connected.  But because he did not fit your image of what a "man" is you dumped.  

Try to let go of rigid standards, at 55, it is time.  I think you will find your experiences will improve if you do. 

He did not drive but he had all the other masculine qualities I like in a man, he put up shelves and built decks 😉 and he was fun, like really fun. 

When I dismissed him it was because I felt overwhelmed at the moment. You know with kiddo and her difficulties learning, her health issues, the braces, the driving lessons,   I have about 15 appointments a month to go to with her. When he said he doesn't drive my brain exploded at the thought of adding a none-driving bf on top of that. 

[Alvi]

12 hours ago, Sun Seeker said:

Good, I would be the same. Nexting someone because they don't drive, whatever way you look at it, is incredibly shallow.

Why do you think it is shallow? If you are looking for a life-long partner, you are allowed to be as shallow as you want. I mean, if you are looking to just date, it's OK to overlook certain things or flaws. But you should be (or need to be) a lot more critical if you are interviewing candidates for a forever partner. Have a list (within reason) of what you are looking for in a partner is normal. Do you really want to be settled with someone who is completely incompatible with you for the rest of your life?

[Girl Fade Away]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He did not drive but he had all the other masculine qualities I like in a man, he put up shelves and built decks 😉 and he was fun, like really fun. 

When I dismissed him it was because I felt overwhelmed at the moment. You know with kiddo and her difficulties learning, her health issues, the braces, the driving lessons,   I have about 15 appointments a month to go to with her. When he said he doesn't drive my brain exploded at the thought of adding a none-driving bf on top of that. 

So you dumped on impulse, fair enough. When younger in 20s I have done same, then regretted.  Now I take a pause and think things through before acting on impulse.  Maybe that is the lesson here?  To take a pause before taking action. 

If HE were posting I might suggest HE become more flexible and accepting when people make mistakes, less ego-driven.  Especially when that person owns up to mistake and apologizes like you did.  

I am really sorry this did not work out Gaeta.  Something better for you is out there. 

 

Edited November 18, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Girl Fade Away]

12 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Why do you think it is shallow? If you are looking for a life-long partner, you are allowed to be as shallow as you want. I mean, if you are looking to just date, it's OK to overlook certain things or flaws. But you should be (or need to be) a lot more critical if you are interviewing candidates for a forever partner. Have a list (within reason) of what you are looking for in a partner is normal. Do you really want to be settled with someone who is completely incompatible with you for the rest of your life?

But they WERE compatible that is the point.  All Gaeta's posts about him scream how compatible they were.. The not driving was a circumstance easily remedied.  Get his driver's license.  Buy car.

Up to now there was nothing motivating him to do that, he was fine without.  If he and Gaeta met and clicked, started dating, he now has a reason.  And could change that 'circumstance' and get his license.  It is not like she was needing him to change his personality and core values.  They were 100% compatible with respect to those things. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[glows]

18 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He did not drive but he had all the other masculine qualities I like in a man, he put up shelves and built decks 😉 and he was fun, like really fun. 

When I dismissed him it was because I felt overwhelmed at the moment. You know with kiddo and her difficulties learning, her health issues, the braces, the driving lessons,   I have about 15 appointments a month to go to with her. When he said he doesn't drive my brain exploded at the thought of adding a none-driving bf on top of that. 

How would he transport the wood and materials to build shelves and decks? Were they delivered? Something about a man in a truck..

Anyway, this is long past. I think you listened to your instincts (a good thing). Just stick with them in future.

[Sun Seeker]

13 hours ago, Alvi said:

Why do you think it is shallow? If you are looking for a life-long partner, you are allowed to be as shallow as you want. I mean, if you are looking to just date, it's OK to overlook certain things or flaws. But you should be (or need to be) a lot more critical if you are interviewing candidates for a forever partner. Have a list (within reason) of what you are looking for in a partner is normal. Do you really want to be settled with someone who is completely incompatible with you for the rest of your life?

Because putting *must drive* on your list is incredibly shallow. It's a very non important factor when you decide whether you want to spend your life with someone.

It must be a USA/Canada thing, the obsession with driving, as here in Europe, nobody gives a **** whether you drive or not. It's literally the last thing on a list when looking at prospective partners. Actually it wouldn't even be on the list.

[Weezy1973]

15 hours ago, Girl Fade Away said:

But they WERE compatible that is the point.  All Gaeta's posts about him scream how compatible they were..

They never even met. It takes months or even longer to assess compatibility for a long term relationship. 

[Gaeta]

5 hours ago, Sun Seeker said:

It must be a USA/Canada thing, the obsession with driving, as here in Europe,

You cannot compare europe to north america.

You know on a map how canada is big right? we are only 38 millions from coast to coast. We are not enough to pay for large transport structures that only a few would use.

Now, even if this man wanted to come to me by bus or metro he could not, the closest metro station to my home is 30 minute drive. 

Where l live, l cannot get milk without a car. we are 8 million in my Province. There are 2 million people living on the island of Montreal that have access to a squelletton of metro, 68 stations, it's a joke of a metro. The rest of us 6 million people live off the island in smaller towns with no metro and lots of kms just to get milk.

Now you know why we drive big cars and trucks. We have to drive long distance for every thing. 

Geez l did not even get into what our winters look like. 

Edited November 19, 2021 by Gaeta

[introverted1]

5 hours ago, Sun Seeker said:

It must be a USA/Canada thing, the obsession with driving, as here in Europe, nobody gives a **** whether you drive or not. I

It's totally different here.  I have lived in Europe and agree that no car was needed. Perhaps because of much higher gas prices, transit systems are far better in Europe than anywhere in the US (can't speak to Canada), outside perhaps NYC.

I live in a city of ~1,000,000 and there is no way I could date without a car.  There is a bus that will take me to the mall but other parts of the city are inaccessible.  And even the bus to the mall is a 1/2 mile walk from my house and stops running at 9pm.  Uber and Lyft were available pre-pandemic, but those services have largely dried up. The last time I needed a ride, I waited 45 minutes only for the app to ultimately tell me that there were no cars available.

So it's not an obsession with driving so much as a necessity.

 

[Veronica73]

6 hours ago, Sun Seeker said:

Because putting *must drive* on your list is incredibly shallow. It's a very non important factor when you decide whether you want to spend your life with someone.

It must be a USA/Canada thing, the obsession with driving, as here in Europe, nobody gives a **** whether you drive or not. It's literally the last thing on a list when looking at prospective partners. Actually it wouldn't even be on the list.

Seriously…it’s not the same. At all. Unless you live in NYC or maybe someplace like LA. Even then, not being able to drive precludes you from visiting huge swaths of the country. Basically, you don’t really know what you are talking about.

Also….as to compatibility, how in the world would Geata know if they were compatible with each other. They barely know each other. I’m not sure if they even met. Attraction and having fun doesn’t mean you’re compatible long term.