My next step? update

[Weezy1973]

31 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

  And to repeat something I posted earlier, on line is very difficult, it basically sucks. 

Online dating is not remotely difficult, and it only "sucks" if you have unrealistic expectations. Gaeta seems to me to have started doing what will make OLD "suck" which is getting too invested in the early stages. This thread for example is a whole lot of worry / analysis over men that are strangers that she's basically only met once or twice, or has not even met at all yet!

Just stick to these basic OLD recommendations and you'll be fine:

1. Most strangers are not compatible long term. Keep your expectations realistic.

2. Nothing means anything until after you've met. And even then, the only thing that matters after the first meet is whether or not you want to see them again (i.e. is there at least some potential).

3. Multidate in the early stages. Don't get too invested in any one person until you've established exclusivity.

4. Don't establish exclusivity for at least five dates (assuming 1 date per week).

 

@Gaeta was doing that when she first started this recent round of OLD, but recently, for whatever reason, is now spending too much energy analyzing each man in these early stages. Which is why I've suggested taking a break...

[Gaeta]

47 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Haven't you had men take you to dinner for first meet? 

Never. I have never accepted a dinner as first meeting. It's a walk or a coffee. 

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Gaeta was doing that when she first started this recent round of OLD, but recently, for whatever reason, is now spending too much energy analyzing each man in these early stages. Which is why I've suggested taking a break...

It's not because I talk about it that I'm invested. I don't care about this man, I'd prefer he does not contact me again. And People are feeding this thread, I don't do that by myself. 

[Girl Fade Away]

9 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

@Gaetawas doing that when she first started this recent round of OLD, but recently, for whatever reason, is now spending too much energy analyzing each man in these early stages. Which is why I've suggested taking a b

I agree with you @Weezy1973 and I suggested taking a break too, that a break once in a while can be beneficial.  

I never liked on line not because I got too invested but because I never found good quality men that way. I found it to be very superficial. 

However, I DO know many couples that met that way, a couple of whom are happily married. It is a varied experience.

Edited November 21, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Online dating is not remotely difficult, and it only "sucks" if you have unrealistic expectations.

Not difficult? You know it took me 3 years and close to 200 dates to find a relatonship right? If that's not difficult, I don't know what is. 

I don't have unrealistic expectations. My god, I date men of all culture, all walks of life, educated or not, financially stable or not. Actually I don't expect enough from men. 

[Girl Fade Away]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Never. I have never accepted a dinner as first meeting. It's a walk or a coffee. 

OK sorry must have gotten you mixed up with another poster.  

[Gaeta]

I do take breaks. I just don't come on here announcing it to every body. 

I have deleted my profile now. I am going away in 3 days so no need to make new contacts. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Not difficult? You know it took me 3 years and close to 200 dates to find a relatonship right? If that's not difficult, I don't know what is. 

Time consuming maybe. But not difficult. And if you’re having some fun along the way…

If you’re finding it difficult you’re doing it wrong. 

[Veronica73]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

@veronica73: I had a tread that debated that for pages. I have a male friend that does that and insists I get into doing this. Now, this friend always talks to women in fancy restaurants downtown and very often leaves with phone numbers. He has not had a girlfriend in  years. These women were interested in getting their drinks paid, hook-ups, having a bigger social network, name it. I don't remember him telling me he started dating a woman he met in a restaurant. 

To me being by myself in a restaurant is not the definition of enjoying myself. I would never EVER sit at a bar by myself. I would die from embarassment. 

Yow. What’s embarrassing about eating out by yourself? Don’t answer. You obviously already have thought about this. I’ll see myself out. Good luck!

[Gaeta]

24 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

Yow. What’s embarrassing about eating out by yourself? Don’t answer. You obviously already have thought about this. I’ll see myself out. Good luck!

I did not say eat by myself, l said sitting at a bar by myself.

[Gaeta]

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

27% Bar/restaurant

20% throu friends

11% at work

9% at school

7% throu family

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

27% Bar/restaurant

20% throu friends

11% at work

9% at school

7% throu family

See…not hard…

[Tullyseptember]

Online dating is difficult! I'm currently trying it and have already made a few mistakes.  Gaeta I actually check in here to see how you are making out because you have very realistic views on dating.  I've picked up tips that you have noted that I more than likely would have missed otherwise.  So thank you😊 I'm Canadian as well and understand some of the references you make about distance.  I'm in BC and we have places that are very difficult to access by transit!

[Gaeta]

@Tullyseptember: thank you 😊 

Don't hesitate to post your stories!

[Tullyseptember]

Gaeta I will for sure post stories once I experience them😊

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I did not say eat by myself, l said sitting at a bar by myself.

Your dating portfolio should consist of a good profile and pics on quality dating apps, along with real life situations.

Broaden your horizons. Volunteer. Get involved in sports and fitness. Join some groups and clubs. Take some classes and courses. Get a fun side hustle.

Most of all screen better and be definitive on your red flags 🚩 and deal breakers.

The more you waste time on people who don't fit your standards the more burned out and irritable you'll get.  Try not to keep beating people up. Just take a break if things get overwhelming.

Edited November 22, 2021 by Wiseman2

[introverted1]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

27% Bar/restaurant

20% throu friends

11% at work

9% at school

7% throu family

Is this the new math?  Because that totals to 113%.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Is this the new math?  Because that totals to 113%.

Haha, l didn't pay attention, but they're the numbers on many new statistics. 

[Girl Fade Away]

Gaeta said:

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

Doesn't that contradict your opinion that the majority of men who on-line date now are scammers and why OLD has become so hard within recent years?  I just read that in another thread.

I do not mean to put you on defensive but your posts are confusing sometimes and I would really like to understand where you are coming from. 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[introverted1]

2 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Doesn't that contradict your opinion that the majority of men who on-line date now are scammers?  I just read that in another thread.

I do not mean to put you on defensive but your posts are confusing sometimes and I would really like to understand where you are coming from. 

I'm not sure why you are replying to me and the quote you've attributed to me is one in which I am simply pointing out that the math doesn't add up.  I don't believe I've said anything about scammers here or elsewhere.

[Girl Fade Away]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

I'm not sure why you are replying to me and the quote you've attributed to me is one in which I am simply pointing out that the math doesn't add up.  I don't believe I've said anything about scammers here or elsewhere.

That was a mistake!  Not sure why your name appears when Gaeta made that comment, sorry.  I just fixed it.

Edited November 22, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Ami1uwant]

19 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

I think somebody earlier (possibly in another thread) suggested going out to a nice restaurant and sitting at the bar. And then somebody else said that that’s what prostitutes do or something. When I’m traveling by myself, I tend to find a nicer place to eat for dinner (not a fancy place where you need to dress to the nines or anything) and sit at the bar and have dinner. Like a place that isn’t a chain, but a local place where people are dressed stylishly, or like they got off work at a design agency or something. I usually bring my Kindle in case nobody talks to me. But almost always people talk to me, and sometimes I get asked out. I highly doubt anybody has ever assumed that I’m a prostitute. I’m wondering if doing something like that might be a strategy to try instead of solely relying on OLD. I think when I am less ambivalent about dating, I might try doing that once a week or so. See how it goes. I mean if I don’t meet anybody, at least I’m enjoying myself and having a nice meal.

 

for a first meet date I’m never going to any fancy/ expensive restaurant….

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Gaeta said:

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

Doesn't that contradict your opinion that the majority of men who on-line date now are scammers and why OLD has become so hard within recent years?  I just read that in another thread.

I do not mean to put you on defensive but your posts are confusing sometimes and I would really like to understand where you are coming from. 

OLD about 15 years wasnt as socially acceptable.  People wouldn’t admit how they met.  Those using sites were serious about wanting a relationship.

as stories came out about success in meeting people this way it became more socially acceptable.  As a result more peop,enamel on to try it and came in with poor expectations or too high expectations of what they would meet.

 

also what came out with the increase in users came a higher number of peop,e who have problems making Chou Es or decisions with too many options.

 

today with things shifting to a smart phone worldcame location based meeting and the ease of scammers toget involved.

 

you also have some users who are just using this to get one nighters.

 

there are parallels to the pre internet bar scene.

 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Gaeta said:

Here is the latest statistic on where couples meet.

39% online

Doesn't that contradict your opinion that the majority of men who on-line date now are scammers

I don't see how it's contradicting. In all the threads on here how much % start with * l met this man/woman online?

Scammers are really high on any free app. For me here at least 1 out of 3 messages is from a scam profile. That does not take away the other thousands of real profiles

[Girl Fade Away]

@GaetaI never liked on line myself, I very rarely found quality men there.  So I do understand.  And I am sure it's just me, but I do find some of your posts a little confusing sometimes and appreciate you clarifying. 

I also admire your spirit despite what you have been through.  Enjoy your vacay and when you return, hopefully you will feel refreshed.  Keep going and keep the faith! 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Girl Fade Away