Ami1uwant Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: You are probably right but why this enthusiam when l text him? It wasn’t enthusiasm 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) Personally I think it was a mistake that you reached out to this guy again. You made some very valid points when you dismissed him. Those reasons have not changed. He’s still not the guy for you. You’re revisiting him simply because you feel that your options are dwindling. That is not a good reason to revisit old ground. The fact that he is not playing ball is a good thing IMO. Your backpedaling would only bite you in the behind at a later date. You’re hitting the dating scene too hard. You’ve got date exhaustion and are therefore not making the best choices from what I can see. Take a break. There is no rush. Edited November 7, 2021 by Calmandfocused 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 5 hours ago, glows said: He hadn't bought a home and he still doesn't drive. This is him and who he is today, not a future representation of who he can be if he ends up fitting that future plan. Agreed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 11 hours ago, Gaeta said: You are probably right but why this enthusiam when l text him? Because... 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: I replied back I was doing well etc, and I wanted to apologize for the way I had reacted during or last conversation, that I felt overwhelmed with family matters and my over-reaction to our conversation was not justified. He may have thought you were reaching out to rekindle but then you dead-ended things by saying your purpose was to apologise. While I'd normally expect the man to take the lead, in this case, since you already rejected him once before, I would not expect him to stick his toe in the water without a big welcome sign from you. It's also possible, as others have suggested, that the rebuff stung too much for him to consider a second go-round. I lean toward the former, but you never know. That said, if you are able to rekindle things, how are you going to handle the driving issue? Until he buys the new home or whatever is the ostensible trigger for having a car, would you be ok with doing all the driving? Would he be willing/able to take an Uber? Don't let a lack of good prospects convince you to see this situation as more/less than it is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: You’re revisiting him simply because you feel that your options are dwindling. That is not a good reason to revisit old ground. It"s not always about lacking options, sometimes it's really because you feel you dropped someone with great potential. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 19 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It"s not always about lacking options, sometimes it's really because you feel you dropped someone with great potential. Someone with no home and who doesn’t fit into your lifestyle at all has great potential all of a sudden? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 20 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It"s not always about lacking options, sometimes it's really because you feel you dropped someone with great potential. "potential" being the operative word. He is not the finished article and how long can you wait for him to buy a house and own a car. Things that other men may have acquired in their twenties... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 1 minute ago, Calmandfocused said: Someone with no home and who doesn’t fit into your lifestyle at all has great potential all of a sudden? What do you mean no home? He rents in the city, he's semi-retired and wants a house located in the country, his passion is bio-gardening and he has a project with the metropole to implant those community gardens. I grew up on a dairy farm l'd go back living n the country tomorrow morning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 Just skimming over this... I don't think you made a mistake at all with your original thoughts. The only mistake is you reaching out again. OK... since you made a comment that Uber will be $75... then it's a semi long distance thing. If he doesn't drive... you will be putting in 100% of the effort to see him. That alone will eventually be the demise of the relationship. not to mention... long distance doesn't work anyway. (strike one) The other thing is... I've been driving since I was 16, and I never understood how someone could even function without being able to drive. The only possibility is that they lived/worked in a city center. (like Chicago or NY) But even then... how would they get away from those places for things they may need? (even if that's just to escape the city once in a while) If I was in your position... my first question would have been.... "Why do you not drive?" I would expect an honest answer. That answer could have been the HUGE red flag to keep me from meeting. (Doesn't work, DUI's, Not responsible with money, so-on) Or... it could have been a disability of some kind. I know that may be petty to some... but I don't want to date someone who I will automatically become their caretaker. I know that may sound bad to some... but I'm just being truthful. What you really need to do is... ask yourself why you needed to contact him again, after making a choice. (your first choice is normally the right choice) Then... ask yourself why you are dwelling on it. (especially after seeing the comments about your family members are tired of hearing about it) I wish you happiness in moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: "potential" being the operative word. He is not the finished article and how long can you wait for him to buy a house and own a car. Things that other men may have acquired in their twenties... And most had to sell the house to settle their divorce. I rarely meet men that own their home, l do because l divorced 20 years ago and had time to rebuild myself. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: And most had to sell the house to settle their divorce. I rarely meet men that own their home, l do because l divorced 20 years ago and had time to rebuild myself. So they are living in rented accommodation? Waiting for some woman to finance and upgrade their lives maybe... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 He was married something like 18 years and his ex drove. They had a daughter. I cannot imagine being the sole driver and parenting, apparently she was happy in that role. Ok you guys are right. I've been on too many bad dates and i'm looking through the trash now. Not that he's trash he was one of the few l felt respect from, and the way he handled my rejection confirmed he was a man of good character. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 14 hours ago, Gaeta said: I go back to our text and there I realized I had not read all of his text. I had missed a huge paragraph where he was saying he's looking for a house in the suburbs and of course he'll have to get a car eventually. How could I miss that!!!!! sigh. It is the downside of multi-dating. Had he been your one and only interest, you would not have missed that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, elaine567 said: It is the downside of multi-dating. Had he been your one and only interest, you would not have missed that. I missed it because l was cooking in a rush to bring kiddo to her tutoring and a bunch of other family distraction. I don't remember having another prospect at the time but l remember being overwhelmed and the thought of him not driving was too much. ETA: l keep a big calendar on our fridge and l took a picture of October because it was mind blowing. Kiddo and l had 15 different appointments over those 31 says! When l say l was a bit overwhelmed... Edited November 7, 2021 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) [] You said this man is your age, so approximately 55. At 55 he still rents, doesn't own a car nor posses a driver's license. You don't need to own a car to obtain your driver's license. You just have to have the initiative to take the classes (if required) and the test(s). I think your initial decision to "dismiss and move on" was the correct one. No one is going to want to repeatedly spend $75 for an Uber or Lyft. He might do it once or twice, but soon you'd become his "taxi service". It was a "deal breaker" back when you first were introduced to this guy and still is. Edited November 8, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 31 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You said this man is your age, so approximately 55. IIRC he is 40. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: IIRC he is 40. He's 57 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 17 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He's 57 OK, so a different man from your other thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: OK, so a different man from your other thread... Yes l did not mention him before, maybe once in a thread in passing saying he messaged me before and l had not replied and this time around l had and was nicely surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 Gaeta, stop over analyzing this. The guys seems very easy going. Step up and ask him if he would still be interested in meeting up. Keep it plain and simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: He's 57 So this guy is 57, no house, no car and no drivers license. I thought you were trying to avoid "project" guys... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: So this guy is 57, no house, no car and no drivers license. I thought you were trying to avoid "project" guys... l don't hold against people not owning a home. Especially in a big metropole where it's extremely expensive, even more if you purchase on your own. To own at reasonnable price you have to exile to the suburbs and that's a different life style. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: Ok you guys are right. I've been on too many bad dates and i'm looking through the trash now. Not that he's trash he was one of the few l felt respect from, and the way he handled my rejection confirmed he was a man of good character. Yes time for a break. Take a month off. Unfortunately one of the thing about OLD is that it can be kind of addictive going through people’s profiles. It can just become part of your routine. Again, you’re in a perfectly normal dry patch. Take a month off, come back refreshed with new picks and maybe a new write up. You’ll see a bunch of new matches and be reinvigorated… Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) If he was the one asking he’d probably get advice to move on and not to stick with someone who throws him overboard every time she feels overwhelmed. But him not driving right now is still a dealbreaker for you regardless of the missed paragraph, isn’t it? I’ve read good advice here in loveshack that people shouldn’t date “projects” but date the person for who they are now. Maybe it doesn’t apply to very young people but it makes sense in the more mature age where people are fully formed so to speak. Edited November 7, 2021 by bene 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: It"s not always about lacking options, sometimes it's really because you feel you dropped someone with great potential. If you truly feel this way, do what it takes to let him know. Be authentic. But do it because of who he is, not what he has. Humility and kindness are very attractive qualities, btw. To me, this guy's responses and comments that you have posted here, anyway, sound very gracious, a precious commodity! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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