Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: Switch the word "change" to "inspire." Couples inspire each other all the time. Things we might never have thought of doing we will do when our partner inspires us to do so. That is what it is all about at least in part. Inspiring, motivating, NOT by being heavy-handed making demands but because we value our partner and ourselves when in a relationship with them and thusly feel inspired to be the best we can be for ourselves and for them. To add to above, in your case Gaeta, should you meet and click together in person, that would mean him feeling inspired to get his license and car. No need for YOU to say a dam thing. If he does not, then feel free to next him. I do not understand all the guessing game posters are playing. Maybe he has vision impairment, maybe he got a DUI, maybe he is unable to pass driving test, maybe this or that, I respect everyone's opinion, but why not meet him and find out for REAL what is going on? Once you meet in the flesh, you may decide you don't even like him. Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: Switch the word "change" to "inspire." Couples inspire each other all the time They are not "a couple". And yes, trying fix, change, etc. before even starting anything is a huge red flag. Dating is a what you see is what you get situation. A time to observe if someone is a good fit. Not fixing and changing someone to anyone's specs like "must have a car and drive". That's ok as a job requirement. Edited November 17, 2021 by Wiseman2 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I want to give him a chance, for that I need to break through his big inflated ego. Let me decipher this...... You "need to break through HIS big inflated ego" so YOU may "give HIM a chance"????? I´m a bit confused............ 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: They are not "a couple" And yes, trying fix, change etc. before even starting anything is a huge red flag. Dating is a what you see is what you get, situation. A time to observe if someone is a good fit. Not fixing and changing someone to anyone's specs like "must have a car and drive". That's ok as a job requirement. OK, but besides the issue of him not driving, Gaeta, DOES believe he is a good fit. If she did not, this thread would not exist. Him not having a license or car is a *circumstance* easily fixed. It has nothing to do with his character or values that determine if someone is a good fit. He has done OK up until now without car but then again, he has not met Gaeta. Gaeta sees something special in him, this may turn out to be a great experience for her OR not. I do not see the harm in at least meeting the man assuming HE wants that too, which right now is questionable. Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, Uruktopi said: Let me decipher this...... You "need to break through HIS big inflated ego" so YOU may "give HIM a chance"????? I´m a bit confused............ haha! I love your post so much! You're right, he would be the one giving me a chance 🙂 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 OMG honestly the guy doesn't even WANT to meet her. She just feels she can break him down because she did the rejecting first. These silly games are pointless and a huge waste of time. 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) I've been thinking about this thread. I don't think it is a good idea to tell anybody why exactly you want to end things on-line anymore. I've never been advocating ghosting people in the past. But hey, maybe it is more appropriate in some cases as opposed to a brutal honesty. In case, if ever you decide that you want to reappear again at some point, disappearing might be a gentler way to end things. I don't think this guy's ego would be hurt that much or he would be upset to the same extend if Gaeta just stopped talking to him. Apparently honestly is a soul cruising and emasculating. Edited November 17, 2021 by Alvi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) I just had an epiphany. I met a man this summer, even though the attraction was there for both of us, he was only interested in a physical relationship. We parted on good terms. He just text me hello, etc. Then says he realized I am worth much more than what he had to offer this summer and he'd like the opportunity to get to know who I am. I am thinking to myself &%#@ you little F$@!, you think I'm just gonna say <sure> with a smile! I think I need to leave no-car guy alone 😞 we can glue together a broken vase, it will always be a broken vase. I will never trust the man that just text me. No-car guy will never trust me again. Edited November 17, 2021 by Gaeta 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) @Gaeta, I think this thread has been beneficial to you, it allowed you talk things out, consider different opinions culminating with the text you just received all of which lead you to decide to NEXT no-car guy once and for all. Things happen the way they do for a reason. Now you finally have your closure. Whew! I am sure that is a big weight lifted. On to the next! Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think I need to leave no-car guy alone 😞 we can glue together a broken vase, it will always be a broken vase. I will never trust the man that just text me. No-car guy will never trust me again. Hm. I don't even understand this thread, especially since you are close to my own age. Why do you care if he could "trust you again." How could trust have been established. You never met. You don't know anything about him. One thing you DO know is that he does not / cannot drive. That was a deal breaker for you and that's perfectly valid. His response to that, though, was unacceptable to most of us, including me. So that is another thing you know about him: he acts like a big baby when things don't go the way he would like, and even is ready to put this on you - a woman he has never met. The whole idea of dating a person that your first instincts told you was a NO because who knows, you might "inspire" him to become what you want him to be ... never do that again, please, Gaeta. No one has life to waste with magical thinking like this, least of all people in our age range. I think you need to hold yourself to a higher standard. When you get information from a stranger that he is not a good fit for you, stop spending any time or emotional energy there. You already got the answer. NO. And you don't owe any explanations as to why, though I don't think that "ghosting" is a good idea. In a way, you're leaving open doors if you do that. Simply tell him that you wish him good luck in his dating forays (or whatever) but that you aren't a good fit. Then block him and throw away the virtual key, however that is done. Relationships are challenging even when the people are well suited to one another. Stop stacking the odds against yourself please. Edited November 17, 2021 by NuevoYorko 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 Blech. No-car-guy is a loser whether you rejected him or not. All his dreamer s*** and then whining for 45 minutes about the state of dating these days. You seem to have your s*** together. I don’t understand why you are giving this guy a second thought. He’s gross. With a fragile ego. And easily emasculated. He’s a disaster waiting to happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I just had an epiphany. I met a man this summer, even though the attraction was there for both of us, he was only interested in a physical relationship. We parted on good terms. He just text me hello, etc. Then says he realized I am worth much more than what he had to offer this summer and he'd like the opportunity to get to know who I am. I am thinking to myself &%#@ you little F$@!, you think I'm just gonna say <sure> with a smile! I think I need to leave no-car guy alone 😞 we can glue together a broken vase, it will always be a broken vase. I will never trust the man that just text me. No-car guy will never trust me again. Yes, let go. Save the projects for your home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 10 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Why do you care if he could "trust you again." How could trust have been established. You never met. When I learn he did not have his driver's license I had a cold prompt reaction and left no room for discussion. No-car guy questions if I will react like that each time I come across something that doesn't go my way. It's a legitimate question on his part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 It sounds like you're just bored and since there isn't anyone else in the pipeline right now that you have much interest in, you're way over-thinking someone you've never met. You felt strongly enough about the driving issue to use it specifically when telling him you weren't interested in pursuing things earlier. Trust that instinct. Dating shouldn't be about ego boosts, either his by having someone who rejected him start pursuing him, or yours by trying to win someone who seems out of reach at the moment. That brings it down to the level of game playing, which is what leads me to think you are just bored. It's not about there being something special you may be missing. If either of you had prospects that truly interested you at the moment I don't think your conversations would have continued. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: When I learn he did not have his driver's license I had a cold prompt reaction and left no room for discussion. That's fine. If having a car is a compatibility factor for you stick with that and just move forward. Don't bother debating the merits of his choices. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 @GaetaI can't believe you're still giving this guy so much thought, especially after he directed that 45-minute passive-aggressive rant your way. That says more about him than the fact that he doesn't drive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: after he directed that 45-minute passive-aggressive rant your way. I know it comes across as horrible but he was not mean. Like I mentioned he spoke about how that made him feel, how he did not understand why I reacted the way I did, he never used *you this and you that*. He's careful with words but I can read between the lines. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: I know it comes across as horrible but he was not mean. Like I mentioned he spoke about how that made him feel, how he did not understand why I reacted the way I did, he never used *you this and you that*. He's careful with words but I can read between the lines. Ok understood, but it's still a bit much considering the fact that you never met in person. It was way over the top. It's not normal to do that with someone you simply matched with on a dating site and messaged with a few times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: and messaged with a few times. Well, we text each day, occasionally called for ...7-8 days. You get a feel of the person, it's enjoyable especially if he makes you laugh and you discover lots of things in common. Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I know it comes across as horrible but he was not mean. Like I mentioned he spoke about how that made him feel, how he did not understand why I reacted the way I did, he never used *you this and you that*. He's careful with words but I can read between the lines. So then it was NOT him having a go at your character? Which is what you posted which prompted the negative replies. I am glad you were OK with but I do not trust men who are 'careful with words' seems shady and calculated. If you're pissed off at me, just say so! Minus the attack of my character, that is uncalled for. But do not mince words or be 'careful', it is phony and I never trusted that. I AM glad you nexted him, I was trying to remain positive because I knew you liked him, but something about him rubbed me the wrong way. Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) I don’t like this guy at all. But maybe just meet him in person….if he wants…? You clearly like him. Personally….a lot of texting is a no for me. It’s best limited for cute one-liners or “can you pick up some milk” kind of messages. I still think a 45 minute conversation about his hurt feelings when you guys haven’t even met in person is over the top and a huge red flag. I don’t think he deserves this much thought or space in your head at this point. Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: It’s best limited for cute one-liners or “can you pick up some milk” kind of messages. I still think a 45 minute conversation about his hurt feelings when you guys haven’t even met in person is over the top and a huge red flag. Missed the part about the tirade. Yeah, he's a putz. Next him. PS: can you pick me up some mint chocolate chip ice cream? Sent from my iPod <... remember that nonsense? Edited November 17, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: we can glue together a broken vase, it will always be a broken vase. I like this analogy... well said!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: No-car guy questions if I will react like that each time I come across something that doesn't go my way. It's a legitimate question on his part. And which one would be your honest-with-yourself answer, my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: I like this analogy... well said!! The analogy is pure gold. And quite true when it´s relevant. I reserve it for more substantial glasses being substantially broken, anyhow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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