glows Posted December 20, 2021 Share Posted December 20, 2021 12 hours ago, Myabee said: I month today for me. While I'm a better place I have struggled all day with the date. Keep trucking.😊 Yes! Indeed. I am hoping secretly not so secretly that you well and truly boot this man out of your life forever and ever. And find yourself free once and for all from all the pain that’s followed you since working past this. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted December 28, 2021 Author Share Posted December 28, 2021 I've just seen her profile by pure chance on a dating app . At first I was horrified. Her first pic looks amazing as well . We matched 94% which is no surprise I accidentally swiped right out of shock and I've broken the silence to explain myself. Annoying on the one hand but cold hard closure on the other... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 50 minutes ago, Aventra said: I've just seen her profile by pure chance on a dating app . Annoying on the one hand but cold hard closure on the other... Sorry this happened. Closure works in mysterious ways. Try using other dating apps. Get a great new fresh profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start messaging and meeting women in the New Year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted December 29, 2021 Author Share Posted December 29, 2021 No reply which isn't surprising though she only has messenger on her computer and I deleted the message so not sure if it was seen. I didn't ask questions or show I wanted a reply. I said maybe we could catch up in a year or so which I probably should have left out. I joked about how highly we matched wished her luck and complimented her main pic. I've now unfriended her on fb . Not like I can't still message her if I ever need to In the future and it saves me the possible pain of whatever she puts on there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted December 30, 2021 Author Share Posted December 30, 2021 (edited) I have had a rough two days Almost feel incapacitated. I'm angry the dating app showed her sods law Least she's looking for long term would suck more if she was after hookups Whenever I see stunning pics of her I remind myself of how she looks day to day and of her smoking habit and how sad she was at times in the relationship. I'm glad she didn't reply I shouldn't have broken no contact I didn't realise till after but I could have just blocked her on the dating app . A minor wobble I hope... onwards and upwards again The new year should feel cathartic Edited December 30, 2021 by Aventra Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 6, 2022 Author Share Posted January 6, 2022 I went on a date with a girl whilst broken up after my ex gf dumped me My ex then wanted to meet and we had sex over a few days as she was staying near to where I lived. It seemed to me to be a goodbye rather than a new beginning and she knew I was back on dating sites. She said she hoped I find someone lovely. I was devastated after the split and seeing my ex was torture yet I couldn't resist it. The next week I went on a second date with the other girl. She went to kiss me and I allowed it. My ex asked about the dates and I was honest and said I kissed. My ex went mad acting like I'd cheated. She was going to come to see me again as a friend with benefits but cancelled. Devastated I saw the other girl again as a distraction. I felt like I needed to know I had someone. My ex blocked Me on WhatsApp but I managed to contact her on messenger. She asked if I'd seen the girl again I lied and said no because we hadn't had sex and nothing had changed but I had previously told my ex I loved her and it meant nothing. She asked if I'd shared a bed and I lied too as I didn't believe she'd think I hadn't had sex Am I bad ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 Unfortunately on/off relationships are fraught with this type of drama. Don't use others as pawns in your on/off situation. It's not fair to anyone involved. Either reconcile and decide to be exclusive or end it and pursue this other woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 7 hours ago, Aventra said: Devastated I saw the other girl again as a distraction. I felt like I needed to know I had someone. At least you’re honest and self-aware. It might be better to take a breather from dating and lose that need to know you have someone. It’s a dreadful and heavy feeling missing someone or needing to fill a void after a break up. Date again only after you’re feeling a little steadier and without that pressing void. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 Your ex is an "EX" for a reason. Stop talking to her, and you will get rid of the drama. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 Your ex is being selfish and manipulative. I encourage you to stand up for yourself instead of playing the game with her. Tell her the truth when she asks about your dating life and firmly remind her that it’s not cheating because the two of you are no longer together per her request. She will only play victim and shift blame if you allow it. Also, I agree that you need to stop dating because you don’t want to drag anyone else in this drama and you need to resolve this situation with your ex. Dating people to get over someone else can definitely make you feel worse. It’s best to take a break to give you space to heal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 You're not helping yourself by lying to your ex. And the reason you're lying is because you're allowing her to walk all over you. First of all, you should not be entertaining these invasive question from your ex. But if you do choose to answer, at least be honest and own your choices. "Yes, I kissed another woman. Yes, I spent the night in her bed. But I'm single and I can kiss or share a bed with whoever I damn well please. Frankly, my new life is none of your business" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 (edited) You two were broken up... she dumped you and that means all girlfriend perks are revoked. You're a free agent and can do whoever/whatever you want--and she has nothing to say about it. In fact, it's no longer her business who you kiss, who you have sex with, whose bed you're sleeping in. Let her think whatever she wants to think about it because it's not going to change the fact that SHE DUMPED YOU. Also--there's no such thing as a break. You're either together working on your relationship or you're not and it's died of neglect. and no, you're not bad. You're a single guy who doesn't have to account to anyone you're not in a relationship with. Stop playing her stupid games... she sounds like a child. And don't let her try to turn you into a FWB just because the guy she dumped you for ain't acting right and she needs to use you as a weapon. Edited January 7, 2022 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) You are not bad, you are being emotionally dumb. Get with it...it's over between you and your ex. All she is doing is using you while she finds someone else. She's pissed because you beat her to the punch and started dating someone. Your ex is messing with you. The reality is, you will never get back with your ex. Block/delete/stop stalking her on SM, cut her off! Lose her number. I get it, you think if she gets jealous that means she still cares...nope, nadda, nothing. She only cares about herself. She's being totally butt hurt. Edited January 8, 2022 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 She replied almost two weeks later claiming she didn't see my message She too saw the funny side about our high match percentage. She asked me how I am but I think I won't reply it doesn't seem right to undo no contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 10:38 PM, basil67 said: You're not helping yourself by lying to your ex. And the reason you're lying is because you're allowing her to walk all over you. First of all, you should not be entertaining these invasive question from your ex. But if you do choose to answer, at least be honest and own your choices. "Yes, I kissed another woman. Yes, I spent the night in her bed. But I'm single and I can kiss or share a bed with whoever I damn well please. Frankly, my new life is none of your business" Thanks for this. This event actually happened two years ago nearly and we did get back together in the end before breaking up again a year later but not exactly because of this although it resurfaced after the breakup I think you're spot on that I lied because I let her walk all.over me. I've not seen it that way before but that makes sense. She's always made me feel.the bad guy as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 10:38 PM, basil67 said: You're not helping yourself by lying to your ex. And the reason you're lying is because you're allowing her to walk all over you. First of all, you should not be entertaining these invasive question from your ex. But if you do choose to answer, at least be honest and own your choices. "Yes, I kissed another woman. Yes, I spent the night in her bed. But I'm single and I can kiss or share a bed with whoever I damn well please. Frankly, my new life is none of your business" I guess my ex made it about her because she slept with me the week before I kissed the girl. Although she knew I was dating I should have communicated better. Perhaps I stupidly thought that because she knew I was dating she was OK with it. For some reason I wasn't sure I'd see my ex again and my insecurities drove me to see the other girl to drive away the pain of seeing my girl without being with her... but a pain all self inflicted! She has since said its obvious we were getting back together but it never was. Clearly she could have made it clear she wanted that rather than saying she no longer feels sad leaving me knowing we aren't in a relationship (because of the distance) it was her first relationship so maybe she was immature. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 There's all kinds of reasons she could make it about her, but fact is, you were broken up and you did nothing wrong. And this stuff about it being obvious you'd be getting back together is nonsense on her part. If she thought she had a future with you, why didn't she already apologise and ask for another chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: There's all kinds of reasons she could make it about her, but fact is, you were broken up and you did nothing wrong. And this stuff about it being obvious you'd be getting back together is nonsense on her part. If she thought she had a future with you, why didn't she already apologise and ask for another chance? She never did. When she visited me after I kissed the girl she acted like it was a goodbye but then said she'd be too sad not seeing me again We got back together but I didn't realise we were together again till months later when she told me as far as she's concerned we never split . I treated it like we were together again but I was afraid to ask the question. I'd book a hotel break just because it gave me hope we'd still be together. Not healthy in hindsight After the second breakup the girl I kissed text me from a deleted number. I know couldn't make the timing up... my ex then asked if I still talked to her and I was honest and said she text me out the blue but that I'd never get with her. I was going to meet her as a friend (though I didn't tell my ex this) as I felt low and needed company but cancelled after this call. Of course my ex was upset again knowing I talked to her. Not my fault really given she text me AND we were split again. My fault of course for not going NC Edited January 9, 2022 by Aventra Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Your ex sounds very immature. This is why breakups should be a CLEAN break, just break up for good and stop the back-and-forth. It's not a good idea to keep talking to your ex, keep seeing your ex and remain FWB. That just causes drama. You did nothing wrong by kissing another girl after you had broken up with your ex. You were perfectly within your rights to do that. Cut off the drama with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted January 30, 2022 Author Share Posted January 30, 2022 So she's sent me a text from a deleted number that she's worried I thought she wasn't replying ad I hadn't replied ! Proves I'm on her mind a little I guess. She obviously feels bad that I might think she's not talking to me... seems she's happy to reopen some form of communication I'm actually heading her way in July not sure if by then I'd be fit to meet with her for a coffee Weirdly seeing her new WhatsApp pic I felt nothing amazing the progress I've made. I didn't reply originally should I reply now? My fault really for breaking no contact because I saw her dating profile... wasn't any need to really. I guess maybe I'm not as over her as I think despite coming so far Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 29 minutes ago, Aventra said: So she's sent me a text from a deleted number that she's worried I thought she wasn't replying ad I hadn't replied ! Proves I'm on her mind a little I guess. She obviously feels bad that I might think she's not talking to me... seems she's happy to reopen some form of communication I'm actually heading her way in July not sure if by then I'd be fit to meet with her for a coffee Weirdly seeing her new WhatsApp pic I felt nothing amazing the progress I've made. I didn't reply originally should I reply now? My fault really for breaking no contact because I saw her dating profile... wasn't any need to really. I guess maybe I'm not as over her as I think despite coming so far It's good that you "felt nothing" when seeing her new WhatsApp pic. You're making progress. I would not reply to her. Let the past stay where it belongs and move forward with confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted February 3, 2022 Author Share Posted February 3, 2022 Well I went against advice and emailed her. Just an email updating her on my life and things I've done. She sent a very long email back and there were things she was dying to tell me. She said she thought we'd get a 100% match as we are very similar She said maybe one day we can call each other. I stopped short of that and I've resumed no contact but I said one day we could meet and she said that would be OK. In a way it's cathartic. I was paranoid she'd deleted my number thought bad of me and never wanted to hear from me again... even though I don't at this point at least want her back it's cleansing to know there's no ill will there given the beautiful relationship we had. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 3, 2022 Share Posted February 3, 2022 20 minutes ago, Aventra said: even though I don't at this point at least want her back it's cleansing to know there's no ill will there given the beautiful relationship we had. Yes, that’s good. Healing takes time and I’m glad you both have no ill feelings towards one another. Any emotion spent on the past is still taking you away from your present. Focus in the present and future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aventra Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 Six months since the breakup I contacted my ex on the phone as she suggested it after I saw her in a dating site over Christmas and broke 3 months no contact She said she was excited all day to talk. She admitted she's no longer on dating sites. She discussed meeting in person... we talked for over an hour. She seemed like she didn't want to end the call. Not sure what to think Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 10 minutes ago, Aventra said: Six months since the breakup I contacted my ex on the phone as she suggested it after I saw her in a dating site over Christmas and broke 3 months no contact. Are you trying to reconcile? What was the nature of your call? Hopefully she does not want to be friends and start more rounds of on/off drama. Is this the same woman?: Link to post Share on other sites
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