do I Have a Chance With This Girl or Am I Wasting My Time?

[GuitarGuy7]

For the record, I am almost 27 and a virgin who's never kissed, or been in a relationship. So I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating. 

Iv'e met up twice with this girl from a blind date. The first time, we met at an Arcade where we played some games for about an hour, and then went around and talked. She is very talkative and likes to ask me questions about myself and I did the same thing. She did express interest in seeing each other again and at the parking lot, she asked for a hug and then we hugged.

She typically takes a while to respond, sometimes hours, and sometimes as long as 24 hours. I did express interest in seeing her again. At first, she was really busy because she's a student and working on getting graduate applications in and flaked a couple times but always offered to reschedule. We eventually met on a Wednesday night at 8 PM. At first, I thought she was truly too busy but she did apologize and always did offer to reschedule.

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up. During our time, she apologized for rescheduling because she truly is too busy but took the time to meet up with me. When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home. We spent about 2 hours talking to each other and afterwards, we hugged and went our separate ways. 

I later texted her giving suggestions on what we could do next. It took her about a day to respond but when she responded, she said that this week and next week, it will be hard to meet up because she is stressed from turning in applications (she's applying for grad school) and because of thanksgiving break but she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

So the question is, am I wasting my time with this girl? My gut tells me she isn't interested but if she's willing to go out again, then maybe it's a yes. Maybe if we go out again, I will try and make a move and ask if I can kiss her, and try to flirt with her more. I have no idea how to flirt or even kiss a girl (since I've never kissed) but if she's willing to go out with me again, maybe I'll make a move since by then it will be 3 times.

[Foxhall]

10 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me

well your getting somewhere with this, at least your getting some attention from a girl and getting more comfortable,

Id guess that she is not really your type and may be a bit too streetwise for you,

what I have highlighted- be careful out there!

still you have to learn and the only way is experiences like this,

so give it another date or two.

Id invite her back to yours however as opposed to getting mixed up with her gang.

[GuitarGuy7]

30 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

well your getting somewhere with this, at least your getting some attention from a girl and getting more comfortable,

Id guess that she is not really your type and may be a bit too streetwise for you,

what I have highlighted- be careful out there!

still you have to learn and the only way is experiences like this,

so give it another date or two.

Id invite her back to yours however as opposed to getting mixed up with her gang.

It's kind of funny though because we're both autistic, that's how we got set up on a blind date. 

But she's definitely not your stereotypical autist at all. She's extroverted, has a lot of friends, likes to go out and party, probably sleeps with a lot of guys based on the comments she says, likes to do drugs, smokes, etc...  If we're being honest, I don't see her as girlfriend material but I enjoy talking to her due to my inexperience with girls in general. 

I'd be down to just have sex but the problem is, I have no idea what the hell i'm doing (due to being a 27 year old kissless virgin) and maybe iv'e already screwed up my chances because I text her too much and give off a friendship/relationship vibe. But this is also because I have no idea what i'm doing due to my romantic and sexual inexperience. 

I say next time, if we do wind up going out with each other again and she doesn't completely blow me off, I might try to make a move. I might ask if I can kiss her?  Because that's the only way I can think of.  And if she says no, then at least I can say that I tried. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[Foxhall]

2 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

'd be down to just have sex

Yeah Id say you have a good chance of getting that. In another way shes fun and open minded so yes just play it cool go on another date and enjoy.

she may even take the lead with initiating the sex.

[GuitarGuy7]

5 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Yeah Id say you have a good chance of getting that. In another way shes fun and open minded so yes just play it cool go on another date and enjoy.

she may even take the lead with initiating the sex.

I hope that I get to meet up with her again because next time, i'm definitely making a move.  But i'll have to wait until December.  I might try to initiate a kiss and if she says yes, ask her to my place.  Will it work?  I have no idea. I'm inexperienced.  

But if not, there's a good chance she's moving away in May so I may never see her again anyways. 

Anyways, I think my strategy might be to minimally text her until then.  Iv'e already tried texting her a lot today but i'll try to slow it down so I don't appear too needy.  Do you think this is a good idea?

Edited November 17, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[GuitarGuy7]

Hopefully I haven't screwed up my chances already. But considering she is also autistic, she might understand me a little bit more.  But if we meet up again, i'm definitely going to make a move. 

I'm just worried that come December, i'm going to hear from her and she says that she can't meet up and effectively write me off.  But if I can get her out with me one more time, i'm going to try and get my first ever kiss.  First kiss at 26 (maybe 27) years old.  About damn time!

[Foxhall]

Yes that sounds a good plan,

you definitely need to check in take an interest, but yes as you say dont overdo it either,

 

 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

1 hour ago, Foxhall said:

Yes that sounds a good plan,

you definitely need to check in take an interest, but yes as you say dont overdo it either,

 

 

 

 

I sent her a text earlier today but she has yet to respond.  But when she does respond, i'll just say "Sounds good, i'll touch base with you in December. Have a good Thanksgiving!"

I'll reach out to her again in early December to try and set something up. 

Assuming she doesn't flake on me and we meet up, i'll make a move on her.  I think what i'll do is try to get her alone somehow, ask if I can kiss her.  If she says yes, then we kiss.  And then maybe later during the night, ask if she would like to come over and watch a movie or something. 


Even if she says no, I don't know if there was much to lose. I don't think we are compatible enough to be boyfriend and girlfriend plus there's a chance she moves away in May anyways.  And she kind of seems like the s|uty type. 

I'm trying to get my first kiss or even better, lose my virginity. 

Wish me luck!

Edited November 18, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[dramafreezone]

As long as you're not trying to get serious with her, might as well see this through to its conclusion.

[GuitarGuy7]

8 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

As long as you're not trying to get serious with her, might as well see this through to its conclusion.

I still get the gut feeling that she has low interest. Sometimes it takes up to 24 hours for her to reply.  BUT she does always come through and agrees to meet up and offers to reschedule when she's busy.  So I still think there is some possibility. 


If not, well i'll just continue my 1 girl I go on a date with per year streak.  I know that I definitely need to up my numbers if I want to make any sort of progress haha. 

[Sun Seeker]

Yes you are wasting your time with her. She likes the attention, she has put you in her 'orbit' so she can keep you interested enough to be running to her, but she will never let you in too close.

Do not message her anything.

Next time when you are interested in someone, show it straight away, be direct, flirt on the first date. You need to make it clear you are interested romantically.

[chillii]

Sorry but l'm just cracking up about the so called high standards , hanging out in bars and making out with strangers, weed and bathrooms, drugs and sleeps with lots of guys ,  yep they're high standards alright.  Ummm, you sure you wanna go there op.

[GuitarGuy7]

12 minutes ago, chillii said:

Sorry but l'm just cracking up about the so called high standards , hanging out in bars and making out with strangers, weed and bathrooms, drugs and sleeps with lots of guys ,  yep they're high standards alright.  Ummm, you sure you wanna go there op.

At this point, I just want to sleep with her or at least get a kiss.  I don't see this girl as girlfriend material at all.  She's too immature and still has that liberal party girl outlook on life. She smokes, does drugs, and abuses too much alcohol, while iv'e never touched a drug in my life. If I actually got into a serious relationship with this girl, I think it would wind up being toxic and I don't see it lasting more than 6 months. It wouldn't surprise me if it wound up with her cheating on me if all she wants to do is party, drink, and makeout and flash random guys; what's stopping her from doing this even after we become official? 

It's sad though because we're both autistic (that's how we got set up on a blind date), she seems very smart, and we both know what it's like to be discriminated for our disability. But she's at a stage in her life where she's DEFINITELY not ready for a serious relationship. 

I feel like had I of met this girl 5 years later, I may have stood a better chance. Maybe by then, she would have matured a little bit and actually be ready for a relationship.  So maybe some of it is simply poor timing. 


So with this girl, I only want to have a casual relationship with her BUT that's assuming she's actually interested. I don't really think she's interested in me enough due to the signs she has given me. Also because i'm a virgin, i'm pretty romantically and sexually inexperienced so I don't really know how to go about initiating casual sex anyways haha.   I'll try it though. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

 she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

Scale back but check in here and there. Revisit the situation after the holidays.

[GuitarGuy7]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Scale back but check in here and there. Revisit the situation after the holidays.

Good idea. In the meantime, I'm going to ask out some other girls tomorrow.  I don't know if they'll say yes but I like to keep my options open.  

 

[normal person]

20 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc...

 

19 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

likes to go out and party, probably sleeps with a lot of guys based on the comments she says, likes to do drugs, smokes, etc...

'Sounds like you "have a chance" of catching an STD. Random guys, sex, drugs, etc. You can catch something very easily. Herpes is forever. Also, if she's aware that you have autism, she and/or her friends (assuming these respectable people "approve" of you, Jesus) could take advantage of you and get you involved in some drug/crime that could really screw up your whole life. Do yourself a huge favor and delete this girl's number immediately, she sounds terrible. I don't see any good coming of it for you.  

[GuitarGuy7]

49 minutes ago, normal person said:

 

'Sounds like you "have a chance" of catching an STD. Random guys, sex, drugs, etc. You can catch something very easily. Herpes is forever. Also, if she's aware that you have autism, she and/or her friends (assuming these respectable people "approve" of you, Jesus) could take advantage of you and get you involved in some drug/crime that could really screw up your whole life. Do yourself a huge favor and delete this girl's number immediately, she sounds terrible. I don't see any good coming of it for you.  

The funny thing is that she's also autistic but she doesn't have any stereotypically autistic traits at all. She's highly extroverted, likes to party, in a sorority, has lots of friends, etc...  These are traits you would typically NOT find in someone with autism. 

 

[mark clemson]

21 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home.

This is mutually exclusive with the rest of what she says. Big red flag for those seeking a committed relationship.

HOWEVER, I DO think you indeed have a chance for intimacy with her. Given your situation, I'd consider going for it - just be sure to use protection, etc.

The trick will be to NOT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED.  IF you can handle that aspect and rein in your feelings (which is a big if), she is IMO probably FWB material if you don't mind the prospect of sharing.

Don't try to "turn a ho into a housewife". She's being open and honest with you that she is promiscuous (which is her choice and her business,) so if you can't be intimate with her without getting emotionally attached then steer clear.

She might dysfunctional in one or more ways, but if she's (again, ONLY) a FWB, that's ultimately her problem to address.

Edited November 18, 2021 by mark clemson

[GuitarGuy7]

3 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

This is mutually exclusive with the rest of what she says. Big red flag for those seeking a committed relationship.

HOWEVER, I DO think you indeed have a chance for intimacy with her. Given your situation, I'd consider going for it - just be sure to use protection, etc.

The trick will be to NOT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED.  IF you can handle that aspect and rein in your feelings (which is a big if), she is IMO probably FWB material if you don't mind the prospect of sharing.

Don't try to "turn a ho into a housewife". She's being open with you that she is promiscuous (which is her choice and her business,) so if you can't be intimate with her without getting emotionally attached then steer clear.

She might dysfunctional in one or more ways, but if she's (again, ONLY) a FWB, that's ultimately her problem to address.

I may have already screwed up my chances to be honest. It's been more than 24 hours and she hasn't responded back and she does this frequently and she can't meet up until December. 

People in other forums tell me she has low interest and it's time to move on. 

Man, I REALLY wanted this to work!  Damnit. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[GuitarGuy7]

I think I've already screwed up my chances with her.  24+ hours to respond, shows up to "dates" in sweatpants, talks about making out with other guys and flashing them, specifically told me she won't take me home. 

Damnit!  I REALLY wanted this to work.  I'm almost 27 and a virgin for crying out loud. 

[Foxhall]

Yes of course, wishing you good luck,

well anyway as a few others have pointed out there are a few pitfalls with her, so I would not get too disappointed if it does not work out,

but yeah for the sake of a bit of action and a one night stand maybe- it looks worth a pursuit,

still no harm either if you have to wait for someone else before it happens, 

either way-be careful out there- dont go or get into anything your not comfortable with.

good to be getting dates and mingling all the same.

 

[normal person]

50 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

The funny thing is that she's also autistic but she doesn't have any stereotypically autistic traits at all. She's highly extroverted, likes to party, in a sorority, has lots of friends, etc...  These are traits you would typically NOT find in someone with autism. 

 

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think autism often presents itself differently in men than women. I'm no expert but I do have a family member with it. 

20 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

I think I've already screwed up my chances with her.  24+ hours to respond, shows up to "dates" in sweatpants, talks about making out with other guys and flashing them, specifically told me she won't take me home. 

Damnit!  I REALLY wanted this to work.  I'm almost 27 and a virgin for crying out loud. 

You dodged a bullet. She sounds awful. There's nothing in this for you. Count your blessings and move onto the next. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by normal person

[GuitarGuy7]

1 minute ago, normal person said:

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think autism often presents itself differently in men than women. I'm no expert but I do have a family member with it. 

You dodged a bullet. She sounds awful. There's nothing in this for you. 

Read my above text, I can still ask her to my place and maybe get a potential lay from it. And if she isn't down, then at least i'm not wasting my time. 

Because I definitely don't see her as girlfriend material. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[Foxhall]

4 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

"Let's touch base after Thanksgiving. Have a good Thanksgiving break!  Maybe I can cook something and we can watch a movie at my place if you're down." 

Yeah I like that text, your not being pushy but as you say your putting the thoughts of sex in her mind,

and well her response will tell you a lot,

yeah I think your ok at the communications with the ladies, all good 👍

[GuitarGuy7]

2 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Yeah I like that text, your not being pushy but as you say your putting the thoughts of sex in her mind,

and well her response will tell you a lot,

yeah I think your ok at the communications with the ladies, all good 👍

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if she declined but at the end of the day, I have to take a risk.