do I Have a Chance With This Girl or Am I Wasting My Time?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Because my plan after she got back to me was to text this. 

"Let's touch base after Thanksgiving. Have a good Thanksgiving break!  Maybe I can cook something and we can watch a movie at my place if you're down." 

Sounds good. Wait a while then send it.

[GuitarGuy7]

3 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Yeah I like that text, your not being pushy but as you say your putting the thoughts of sex in her mind,

 

3 hours ago, normal person said:

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think autism often presents itself differently in men than women. I'm no expert but I do have a family member with it. 

You dodged a bullet. She sounds awful. There's nothing in this for you. Count your blessings and move onto the next. 

 

3 hours ago, mark clemson said:

This is mutually exclusive with the rest of what she says. Big red flag for those seeking a committed relationship.

 

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Scale back but check in here and there. Revisit the situation after the holidays.

Update: So she was honest with me and said she'd rather be friends because she got the vibe I was looking for something serious, plus she's moving away in May (possibly)

I texted her back and was completely honest with her. I told her that I wasn't looking for anything serious either and just wanted a fling/fwb, and if she doesn't want that, then it's not a big deal for me. 

Will she respond to that?  Not sure.  But at least I asked. 

I honestly have no idea how to flirt, or how to sexually escalate, that's a part of the problem.  But hey, at least I asked. 


 

[GuitarGuy7]

Haven't heard back from her so I'm assuming not interested. 

Damn, I REALLY need to figure out how to flirt and get women interested in me. 

[GuitarGuy7]

Sorry i'm a little drunk right now and it's pretty late at night. 

No she didn't like me back. I decided to go to a bar tonight and saw her there; she didn't even acknowledge my existence. Later, I saw her making out with a guy at the bar, smoking, and making out with a guy in the bathroom. I'm not even upset (yet, might be upset tomorrow). I dodged a bullet. I'm going to block her tomorrow. 

And you know what?  I'm grateful for it.  Because i'm grateful that it's given me the motivation to work on myself. Work hard on my education, work hard on my body, work on my appearance, learn "game" so I don't always get friendzoned.  And to all the women who wrote me off, told me I wasn't tall enough, told me I was too skinny, too nerdy, etc...  I thank you.  I thank you for giving me the motivation I needed to improve myself.  It's about seeing the light in the darkness. 

Women don't see the value in me?  They're missing out.  I'm 26 with already 500k in the bank and won't graduate with any student loans whatsoever, I work out regularly, I take my education seriously, I would make a loving and loyal boyfriend.  Yeah i'm 5 ft 2, yeah i'm probably pretty average looking, but any woman who dates me is going to get a steal.  I'm like Tom Brady; everyone initially passes on me, but i'll turn out to be a great boyfriend when I get my opportunity. Mark my words. 

-mic drop-
 

[Raveninthedark]

On 11/17/2021 at 2:35 PM, GuitarGuy7 said:

For the record, I am almost 27 and a virgin who's never kissed, or been in a relationship. So I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating. 

Iv'e met up twice with this girl from a blind date. The first time, we met at an Arcade where we played some games for about an hour, and then went around and talked. She is very talkative and likes to ask me questions about myself and I did the same thing. She did express interest in seeing each other again and at the parking lot, she asked for a hug and then we hugged.

She typically takes a while to respond, sometimes hours, and sometimes as long as 24 hours. I did express interest in seeing her again. At first, she was really busy because she's a student and working on getting graduate applications in and flaked a couple times but always offered to reschedule. We eventually met on a Wednesday night at 8 PM. At first, I thought she was truly too busy but she did apologize and always did offer to reschedule.

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up. During our time, she apologized for rescheduling because she truly is too busy but took the time to meet up with me. When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home. We spent about 2 hours talking to each other and afterwards, we hugged and went our separate ways. 

I later texted her giving suggestions on what we could do next. It took her about a day to respond but when she responded, she said that this week and next week, it will be hard to meet up because she is stressed from turning in applications (she's applying for grad school) and because of thanksgiving break but she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

So the question is, am I wasting my time with this girl? My gut tells me she isn't interested but if she's willing to go out again, then maybe it's a yes. Maybe if we go out again, I will try and make a move and ask if I can kiss her, and try to flirt with her more. I have no idea how to flirt or even kiss a girl (since I've never kissed) but if she's willing to go out with me again, maybe I'll make a move since by then it will be 3 times.

No, I don't think you are wasting your time. I, myself, am a very, very busy person who absolutely HATES texting. The common complaint I receive from men is that I take too long. I only do that at the beginning stages. Once I get to know you and I really, really like you, then I will find more time to text and call. 

The fact that she showed up is ONE good sign. However, teh fact that she showed up in sweatpants and then talked about making out with random strangers and having a bunch of guy friends is ONE BIG RED FLAG.

In my opinion, I think you should give it one more chance and see how it goes. I also, think you should continue looking for people to date though, just in case.

GOOD LUCK!

[GuitarGuy7]

48 minutes ago, Raveninthedark said:

No, I don't think you are wasting your time. I, myself, am a very, very busy person who absolutely HATES texting. The common complaint I receive from men is that I take too long. I only do that at the beginning stages. Once I get to know you and I really, really like you, then I will find more time to text and call. 

The fact that she showed up is ONE good sign. However, teh fact that she showed up in sweatpants and then talked about making out with random strangers and having a bunch of guy friends is ONE BIG RED FLAG.

In my opinion, I think you should give it one more chance and see how it goes. I also, think you should continue looking for people to date though, just in case.

GOOD LUCK!

Long story short, she rejected me and can confirm that she is 100% not interested in me romantically. 

 

 

Edited November 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[Foxhall]

4 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Later, I saw her making out with a guy at the bar, smoking, and making out with a guy in the bathroom. I'm not even upset (yet, might be upset tomorrow). I dodged a bullet. I'm going to block her tomorrow. 

ah yes not much of a loss,

you can find someone much classier than this,

Youve a lot going for you as you mentioned above, 

keep in the game go on more dates- no magic solution- just practice and learn from each experience,

if I had to say only one thing- relax and be chilled on the dates- enjoy them and see where it goes.

[Wiseman2]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You gave it a good shot. That's ok, just move forward.

[GuitarGuy7]

16 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

ah yes not much of a loss,

you can find someone much classier than this,

Youve a lot going for you as you mentioned above, 

keep in the game go on more dates- no magic solution- just practice and learn from each experience,

if I had to say only one thing- relax and be chilled on the dates- enjoy them and see where it goes.

To be honest, it’s been 3 days where I’ve slept 3 hours or less. Thinking about this girl has left me super anxious and depressed. I’m even typing this post at 5 AM because I couldn’t sleep based on what happened last night. 

I have a deep fear of rejection and abandonment because growing up, I didn’t get the love from women that I needed. I was the short scrawny autistic guy and women used to shun me away and never want to date me and overtime, this deeply traumatized me. So when I get rejected or think I’m about to get rejected, I live through all of this trauma all over again.  
 

that’s why it hurts so bad to be rejected. 

[Foxhall]

Yeah its not easy buddy at the end of the day,

the majority of us probably struggle with women, its only a minority of guys who are really naturals at it, or they are blessed with good looks and personalities,

I eventually got to the stage where I did not care as much, try your best but dont worry too much either way, was 35 myself actually before id say I became more comfortable with women.

Anyway a close female friend, shes only a couple of years older than you but running your situation by her,

Your best for now to play in the autistic community at least until you become a bit more confident with it all, you could try more mainstream down the line,

but for now dating sites or joining groups for autistic people is the way to go, you have a better chance, and you should meet plenty of nice girls that way.

work out, develop your physique as you said above and keep the conversation going on a date are two good things to bear in mind.

 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

41 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Yeah its not easy buddy at the end of the day,

the majority of us probably struggle with women, its only a minority of guys who are really naturals at it, or they are blessed with good looks and personalities,

I eventually got to the stage where I did not care as much, try your best but dont worry too much either way, was 35 myself actually before id say I became more comfortable with women.

Anyway a close female friend, shes only a couple of years older than you but running your situation by her,

Your best for now to play in the autistic community at least until you become a bit more confident with it all, you could try more mainstream down the line,

but for now dating sites or joining groups for autistic people is the way to go, you have a better chance, and you should meet plenty of nice girls that way.

work out, develop your physique as you said above and keep the conversation going on a date are two good things to bear in mind.

 

 

This girl was actually autistic though (that's how we got set up on a blind date).  BUT we werne't compatible at all.  She's more of a typical college party girl who just wants to smoke weed, do drugs, and hookup. You wouldn't think she's autistic at all based on her lifestyle. 

She just wasn't attracted to me, I feel like. 

Funny thing is that she's honestly not that hot. She's like a solid 4 in her photos, but got better looking but she's definitely not above a 6.   So I think we looksmatch pretty well.  The problem is that many of these average girls in their early twenties find dating to be incredibly easy, and want above average guys. 


 

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

... BUT we werne't compatible at all....

 

Take that to heart, you shouldn't feel rejected when you are not really into her and her lifestyle at all.   I get though that even if we don't really want them, shouldn't they want us? :) 

On this keeping you up at night so much, I'd personally seek some therapy to help work through that as it really seems disproportionate to the situation and really can mess with your life.

[GuitarGuy7]

33 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Take that to heart, you shouldn't feel rejected when you are not really into her and her lifestyle at all.   I get though that even if we don't really want them, shouldn't they want us?

On this keeping you up at night so much, I'd personally seek some therapy to help work through that as it really seems disproportionate to the situation and really can mess with your life.

I don't take rejection from women very well; it's traumatizing to me. 

[GuitarGuy7]

Mods can you lock this thread please?

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

No she didn't like me back. I decided to go to a bar tonight and saw her there; she didn't even acknowledge my existence. Later, I saw her making out with a guy at the bar, smoking, and making out with a guy in the bathroom. I'm not even upset (yet, might be upset tomorrow). I dodged a bullet. I'm going to block her tomorrow. 

She sounds like a real prize.🙄

If you're saying you're this great of a guy, you have to start by having higher standards.  Talk is the first part, but action has to support that talk.

Someone of your purported value shouldn't even consider if *you* have a chance with this woman.  That question presupposes that she's above you in some way.  It should be if she's worth your time, because time is the greatest gift you can give another person.

Edited November 19, 2021 by dramafreezone

[normal person]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

She sounds like a real prize.🙄

If you're saying you're this great of a guy, you have to start by having higher standards.  Talk is the first part, but action has to support that talk.

Someone of your purported value shouldn't even consider if *you* have a chance with this woman.  That question presupposes that she's above you in some way.  It should be if she's worth your time, because time is the greatest gift you can give another person.

Good post. OP, you can tell yourself you're "high value" all day long, but if you waste your time with people who act like this, who treat you like this, who you aren't even attracted to, you're essentially valuing yourself even lower than her. High value people, men or women, don't chase people. They are chased. If you're going to work on yourself, good, that's the way to get there.

Edited November 19, 2021 by normal person

[stillafool]

On 11/17/2021 at 6:18 PM, GuitarGuy7 said:

I might ask if I can kiss her? 

Woman here - don't ask a girl if you can kiss her.  Look her in her eyes and slowly kiss her.  How old is she?

Edited November 19, 2021 by stillafool

[Lisa]

Thread closed as per OP's request