Dugan Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 I have a boyfriend of almost 4 years just recently told me that he has a new boyfriend. We didn’t have any relationship issues before and all of a sudden, he told me that bad news. I left his house right away and didn’t say a word or showed any type of emotions. Then he’s been texting me trying to talk to me again. I never responded to any of his text messages and I’m thinking of moving on and letting him go. My brain says go for it but my heart says otherwise. What should i do? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
argoscard1999 Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 What does he want to talk to you about? If he was with you in a relationship and he's told you he has a new boyfriend, I don't think there's anything left for him to talk to you about. He's literally been cheating on you, and you've been with him for four years. That's awful, really. I think you should move on and let him go. If you want to have a conversation with him and ask questions/get things off your chest, then go for it - but this doesn't sound like someone you should go back to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 My mother found out my father had cheated on her for 14 years about 10 years back. She tried to talk to him about it once, and he shut down and so she moved out immediately and told him divorce proceedings would be sent through the post. Over the next five years my father reached out repeatedly and she never dignified him with a response. Whilst I never cut my dad off, I think my mother approached it in the best possible way - in fact the only way I would recommend in this scenario. For her, the hurt meant that the most dignified way she could deal with it was simply to go immediate NC in every possible way and she walked away from a 25 year marriage and never even uttered a bad word to him. I would go NC like my mum did. Perhaps in a few months when things settle you can ask him those questions but for now, you need to get away fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dugan Posted November 18, 2021 Author Share Posted November 18, 2021 He texted me immediately after he told me about the new boyfriend while I was driving away that we were only friends with benefits and he didn’t clear it up before we started hanging out. Then the next day, he texted me that he is going to give me space but he wanted me to know that I’m still his best friend and he does not want to lose me. I still didn’t reply to his messages. Then the following day he texted that he misses me. Then yesterday, he sent me a message saying that “ let me know when you’re ready to talk. I’ll be here” but I have reply ready and I’m not sure if I should send it to him - “I don’t want to lose you” - you already did. Nothing really to talk about.. move on and enjoy your time with your new boyfriend. I’m moving on and it was nice knowing you.. and please don’t contact me again. Ever… should I send this reply or just go for no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
argoscard1999 Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 18 minutes ago, Dugan said: He texted me immediately after he told me about the new boyfriend while I was driving away that we were only friends with benefits and he didn’t clear it up before we started hanging out. Then the next day, he texted me that he is going to give me space but he wanted me to know that I’m still his best friend and he does not want to lose me. I still didn’t reply to his messages. Then the following day he texted that he misses me. Then yesterday, he sent me a message saying that “ let me know when you’re ready to talk. I’ll be here” but I have reply ready and I’m not sure if I should send it to him - “I don’t want to lose you” - you already did. Nothing really to talk about.. move on and enjoy your time with your new boyfriend. I’m moving on and it was nice knowing you.. and please don’t contact me again. Ever… should I send this reply or just go for no contact? If you feel ready to send this message, go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dugan Posted November 18, 2021 Author Share Posted November 18, 2021 Thank you 😊 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 Whatever you have to say, contemplate whether it'll be received in such manner or whether the other party will completely steamroll over it and refuse to respect your wishes. You can try to send that message but you have also seen his character. He knows he hurt you or you are hurt in all this and yet still sends messages to you like him missing you or appearing to be there to talk when you're ready. How do you think his "new boyfriend" would feel if he knew that your ex was contacting you to "talk"? I would cut my losses and not respond. Frankly it doesn't sound like he has the emotional intelligence to understand when enough is enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dugan Posted November 18, 2021 Author Share Posted November 18, 2021 Thank you all for these sound advice. I’m actually feeling better as the days go by. The first night was hard and barely got some sleep that night. But I’m focusing more on my work and family. And I’m emotionally calm and processing the situation as a matured individual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dugan Posted December 9, 2021 Author Share Posted December 9, 2021 Hello everyone. Just an update of my situation. So my ex and I did exchange several text messages sporadically. It didn’t go forward for reunification. And last night, which was the 4th anniversary when we’ve first met, after few text messages, I’ve decided to move on with my life. I think I will still be happy even without him. I feel great this morning and felt a heavy load was lifted off my back. I’m looking forward for a better and happier life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 39 minutes ago, Dugan said: I feel great this morning and felt a heavy load was lifted off my back. I’m looking forward for a better and happier life. Excellent. New year, new opportunities and adventures. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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