Ex wife 32f wants me 39m back after 2 years of divorce that she asked for. What should I do?

[Brokenmetal]

(39M) and Ex wife (32F) were divorced two years ago. I always wanted peace in our relationship but she always fought with me. I had always to calm things down with her during our fights since we had a boy (Now 9 years old). I was the sole provider and I made sure to take care of her and everything else relating to the family. We stayed married for 9 years. We fought and disagree a lot, but I loved her so much to let her go or separate. I make it up every time for her by taking her on holidays. During the last year of our marriage, my ex wife joined a school mentioning that she is so bored at home. I was ok with that until she made friends in that school and start making plans and hanging out with them. They had negative influence on her as most of them were single/divorced. She start acting cold with me, she changed her look and every time I complained about the excessive time spent with her friends, she was responding in rage leaving me no option but to accept what she was doing. Until one day, I said enough is enough, and when we start arguing about her negligence. She started accusing me that I am the one who changed. She mentioned that I was not talking to her so often bla bla bla. She asked for divorce. I felt the rejection. I tried to reconcile with her but never wanted to beg her or anything like that. She insisted and we divorced.

Only one month Later, I knew she went abroad and left my boy with her mom. She had the custody. My son doesn't deserve to be left alone so I took a lawyer and gained back his custody. We stopped talking for a year and half until she came back from abroad and wanted to see the child. Of course, I let her see him and spent all the school holiday with her. That was the first time I saw her since we divorced- Later that night, she sent me a text telling me "Didnt you miss me?" I was like wtf, she left me all this time and went far away abroad and now she wants me back. I suffered a lot because I loved her and I still. Every time, I was picturing her sleeping with someone else. She is so beautiful and I felt so much pain when she left me and specially when she went abroad. I told her right away there is no way we get back together. I love her so much but I was too hurt to accept that we come back together. I got back my son after the holidays so he can get ready to school. One week later, she called me saying that I am her only love. She said that she tried to forget me by meeting other men, but couldn't move that far with them. She said she never slept with anyone since she left me. She said she went abroad because she couldn't stand her family pressure being divorced. She went abroad to forget everything and start over. She went abroad only to make a living and stay independent. She told me: "Right now I am at the airport and I can cancel my flight for you if you accept me back!" I said no again and she flew back abroad. Two months afterwards, she text me back from abroad mentioning that she cant stop thinking about me, that she went to hospital just because she cant sleep thinking about me. I replied back: Sorry to hear that, I hope everything is alright with you. She mentioned that will come back to our country in a few days and wanted to talk to me again. She got back again and she started texting me mentioning that I am her only love. She even called me and start crying and so forth. At that time, I have been seeing someone, but was nothing serious. To be honest, I felt for her tears. There is a part of me that loves her so much and wanted to tell her yes, lets get back together. My relationship with new GF didn't work out. I was single and one day I met her for child visit. I told her whether she is free to have lunch with me and the boy. She accepted. She is there in front of me again, all beautiful. I am still hurt but I love her. We start talking and laughing again. We had even sex later on. I mentioned to her clearly that I am still hurt and have no intention that we remarry now. I cant trust her now and I need time to rebuild that trust. I told her let's spend some time together and see how it goes. We kept seeing/sleeping each other occasionally. I have the best sex with her. She is still so hot and I miss her. Deep inside, something keeps telling me to leave her to avoid she would hurt me again but I love her too much.

Today we were together, she went downstairs to bring something from the stores. A notification showed up on her phone. I took her phone and was unlocked. I went quickly to her social accounts to see if she is not hiding anything and she is really honest with me. She mentioned that she never slept with someone while we were divorced, a statement that I never believed. To my surprise, I found out that she was dating one of the guys that were with her at school. We got divorced months after she joined that school. I cant tell if she was seeing him before we divorced. But I found out lots of flirting messages between the two. To my even bigger surprise, I found out that she was married in secret to some guy while she was abroad. She had a failed marriage with that guy that only lasted three months and they divorced. First time she talked to me about getting back, she had just married that guy. I was chocked but kept my composure when she came back. We are divorced anyways and didn't want to look as if I was spying on her phone. Some part in my mind, says that she lied to me sleeping with other men because she doesn't want me to feel hurt. Also she had the right to do whatever she wants since we were divorced. I love her still even if I am double hurt right now. I want to forgive her but She is lied to me saying that I am her only love. She hided that she got married and divorced so I don't feel hurt and reject her proposal to come back. I thought we can fix things because I still have feelings for her and for the sake of our kid. She seemed she moved on before coming back to me and now that things didn't go well for her and she wants to come back to me (her safety net). I feel that she got mature, that she regrets leaving me and my son. I love her so much, but how can I trust her again or being intimate again knowing what she did. I am not planning to take her back even though I want to. Never thought one day I will be asking an online forum to give me their views about something like this, I am in love with her, I met lots of other women but could never connect with anyone like her, I feel lost, furious and hurt. Thanks for reading till here. I really believe in the community view, What should I do?

Tldr; Wife asked for divorce and left abroad, she wants me back after 2 years. We have one boy I still love her and want her back/forgive her but feel so hurt. She also hiding that got she married while we were divorced, I found out she did by coincidence looking at her phone. Should I forgive her, What should I do?

Edited November 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed reference to other online forum

[Woggle]

If you take her back she will just do it again. You are her safety net and when she feels safe again so she will have no use for you. I would not take her back if I were you.

[Noproblem]

I don't know. what i understood, she told you she never slept with anyone when she wanted to go back, then you said no

she went back abroad and married someone else for 3 months, then she got back again and you forgave her, right?

it seems to me like she married this guy out of despair if my timeline is correct, after you said no to going back?

 

Of course it's up to her to sleep with others during the divorce, but let's look at the facts here

 

This woman left her kid behind. 

Also gave up on your marriage

now she regrets it

it could be because she realized you are truly the only one that matters and the love of her life ( but took her 2 years to figure this out?)

or because you are the only who would take her back ( again she is beautiful woman, she can get other guys)

or because you are the only one who treats her with love and kindness ( I feel this is true, from your description)

 

I feel regardless of everything, she probably will do that again to you.

She might not, or she might

what is unacceptable is the hiding of the facts

she didn't tell you about the marriage ( again her privacy to not share)

but if you are going to get married, people need to know if their partners were married before or nah.

 

I think you need to talk calmly and frankly with her about this subject.

 

I guess this is a case about someone who married early in life at age 22,  and when they reached their 30s, they felt they are missing out on life.. and wanted to experience stuff, especially since you were fighting all the time.. Now they had their experience, and want to go back and settle down!

So, up to you to take them back or not..

Either case you are not happy!

Either way you still love her!

 

 

 

Edited November 23, 2021 by Noproblem