Did I just get used?

[CindyLou1]

My ex broke up with me which I wrote about on here, but we still live together - I had been avoiding him though and staying out all day, only coming home at night to sleep.

The past two weeks he told me he really needed my help. He has been suffering from depression and I was incredibly supportive during our relationship, but he came to me recently and asked for my help. I won't go into what as it's such a long story and super draining to type it all out. Anyway, I began helping him because he was a mess, suicidal, scared, and he was crying to me. I told him I would help him and put my feelings aside and be a supportive friend because thats what he needed right now.

However, the past week he had asked me to sleep with him in bed, so I did this everyday. He started telling me he loves me, how I bring him comfort, how soothing I am, he even told me how amazing I was and how he sucks for breaking my heart, I even said "just because you don't want to be with me doesn't make you a bad person" - he replied saying "i wouldnt say that". I ignored his comments because something in my gut was telling me he's just saying this because he's scared and anxious. 

Then, the next day he tells me all these sweet, loving things. Not something you would say to a friend. And then after I fix his issue, which was yesterday..  his whole attitude changed towards me and he was back to being cold and distant. Yet, he kept asking who I was speaking to on the phone, asking me who I was buying cute underwear for... it was all odd and he said he was just kidding around. This didn't sit right with me, his behaviour, I mean. 

I decided that the past week had reopened my feelings for him and I was hurting myself being there for him, so I asked him if we could talk. We spoke and I said to him I need some space so I am going to pack my things and leave to stay with a friend. He asked me why, and I did not expect his reaction at all. When I told him why, he said to me "youre leaving me on the worst day of my life?" "Why did you help me?" "I regret telling you". I explained to him I still love him, and it was hurting me seeing him everyday and all the sweet things he said to me was messing with my head. He replied very angry at me saying he only said those things as a friend, how I was over analyzing what he said, how I'm making him look bad. How his chest was hurting, how he was trying to fight to be my friend and saying it hurts we can't be friends. 

I finally calmed him down and said "i respected your choice when you chose to dump me, please respect mine, i need space and time. If we are friends in the future, great. If not I wish you well in life". He still kept blaming me saying imagine leaving when i open up to you about everything. I felt like he was trying to guilt trip me for not wanting to be his friend.... and I felt highly embarrassed confessing I was in love with him and him saying he only loves me as a friend back. 

I left. I can't sleep or stop crying. I feel like a fool. 

Edited June 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

You aren't a fool and that's because you didn't stay. That's not depression. It's armtwisting, emotional abuse and manipulative. Even if you cannot see those things because your feelings are blinding you, trust your instincts on this and that it feels bizarre, strange or disproportionate, it likely is. 

Go day by day on this and lean on your family and friends for support. Never go back to someone who tries to guilt trip you in ways like this. If he needs help, point him in the direction of professionals who can guide him. Take care of yourself from now on.

[spiritedaway2003]

Hugs.  You made the right choice to move back. He can’t reasonably expect you to be there to comfort him when he did the breakup.  He needs to respect your choice and need for space as well. Good for you for setting boundaries.

[CindyLou1]

Update - I deleted all my social media yesterday after I left so I could focus on my life without prying eyes. 

He texted me tonight saying "I hope you feel better and are no longer crying. I hope your night goes well". 

 

I replied saying "you too". Then he sent an emoji and I deleted his number with no reply back to him. 

[glows]

Inappropriate text. It's searching for info under the thin guise of compassion but not real compassion. It will be better to let go permanently and it's good that you didn't continue the conversation. Draw your courage and support from your family. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

.he texted me tonight saying "I hope you feel better and are no longer crying. I hope your night goes well". I replied saying "you too". 

All you have to do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Simply deleting your social media or his number is a way to leave the door open. Is this what you want?

 

[CindyLou1]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

All you have to do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Simply deleting your social media or his number is a way to leave the door open. Is this what you want?

 

I already deleted him from my social media when he dumped me, I don't have any social media that he can contact me on now because I deactivated it, but I didn't do it because of him. I did it because I need a break from everything.

 

The door is closed.

[CindyLou1]

13 hours ago, glows said:

Inappropriate text. It's searching for info under the thin guise of compassion but not real compassion. It will be better to let go permanently and it's good that you didn't continue the conversation. Draw your courage and support from your family. 

Unfortunately my family are the reason I moved in with him when we dated, lol. They're not supportive at all, my parents keep saying things to me like "you should just try to work things out" or "wait it out he will come around". It's driving me insane. 

My Mother especially keeps mentioning how I'm getting older and need to find someone to settle down with, get pregnant. It's annoying to hear this when I already feel depressed so I've just been staying in bed until they go to sleep.