Contacting ex for the first time a year after a breakup. How did it go?

[Aventra]

Hi

 

Out of curiosity have you ever contacted an ex  who dumped you after around a year of no contact? How did it go ?

 

Perhaps you'd made changes in your life you wanted them to know about or you were curious about their life ? Perhaps you had a curiosity if they were single or still feeling things for you ?

 

Just curious 

A year is a long time and Perhaps if you had a mostly strong relationship you will both remember the happy memories.  Alternatively after a year I guess its easier to start again as friends because you have let go emotionally?

Edited November 19, 2021 by Aventra

[ExpatInItaly]

I was on the other side of this, twice. 

Two exes contacted me a while after the respective break-ups. I can't recall exactly how long it had been, but I would estimate both were around or after the one.year mark. 

I had moved on in both cases, so I didn't reply to either of them. I wished no ill will on them, but those chapters had closed. 

[Aventra]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

I was on the other side of this, twice. 

Two exes contacted me a while after the respective break-ups. I can't recall exactly how long it had been, but I would estimate both were around or after the one.year mark. 

I had moved on in both cases, so I didn't reply to either of them. I wished no ill will on them, but those chapters had closed. 

Interesting I guess you didn't feel a need to block them 

My ex still has pictures of us on fb that I briefly saw when I reactivated my account but I don't look into that. She was talking of deactivating hers at one point anyway. 

[glows]

I've not done this either. When the relationship ends, it ends for good, personally. 

I have been on the receiving end. I answered politely but declined meeting up and didn't respond further. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Aventra said:

Interesting I guess you didn't feel a need to block them 

Nah. They were decent guys and I didn't anticipate any issues. They didn't attempt to reach out again after I didn't reply, either. 

The only ex I have ever blocked was one who was not stable and I didn't trust to respect my boundaries. Other than him, I never thought or needed to do so. 

 

[Aventra]

I had two previous girlfriends and broke off cleanly with them didn't contact and didn't want to so I guess this is different 

 

[Aventra]

Well I'm getting better 

From checking when she's online every few moments to deleting her number and throwing it in my attic with her pictures as far away as possible.  I made the mistake of looking at her insta stories (she was just with friends but still killed ) so deleted instagram.  Ironically I added her after our second split so she could show me a story. She barely posts on instagram so I thought it was OK but didn't realise stories were such  a big thing. Still friends on fb but my account is deactivated and she never uses hers anyway. So she might as well not exist which feels good

 

I've met friends and travelled cried to myself in a bar but then joined some strangers in a pub quiz. I was typing out a message to her a week ago after an awful nightmare but since then things have changed I think irreversibly.  I don't want her it's the feeling of being loved I miss. I have to remember initially after the break up it felt right. I didn't beg for her back but I did say I thought one day we could reunite. I think that's bullshit now. No going back. If she wants to contact me fine but I won't wait for that. I'm going to therapy which she knows and I will come out of this a better person . 

 

But don't get me wrong it's not linear. It's a bumpy roller coaster and when I hear her favourite songs in a bar it's hard to feel this collected. Sometimes you want an excuse to feel sad.

 

The hardest part was going within metres of where she worked to catch a train (she works by a major rail station and lives in a capital city) But I'm glad I did because I would have had to cross that bridge at some point

Edited November 22, 2021 by Aventra

[robaday]

I would wait longer if there were real feelings involved. I'm a guy and others might be different but I felt strongly about someone I need a LONG LONG time to get over them. 

I've reconnected with two exes this last year. One we didnt talk for five years after we broke up (was only a one year relationship but I was in love and heartbroken for a long time). The second one we didnt talk for eight years (was a three year relationship). That's how long it took for me to have no feelings and no anger over the past. And those new friendships have been really healthy for me. I've been in counselling since my last breakup and so am on a journey of learning about myself. And I feel with reconnecting with these two people I am learning where I went wrong, but also where I went right. We will never get back together but I am really grateful for the friendships.