How do I know if he is lieing

[Mt13]

This is a long story and I don't even know if this is the right place to post but here goes. I recently found out my ex has been in contact with a woman from another country and altho he said they were friends she thought they were together he went to see her a few times. The video call every day etc. He stood by the fact he was just Friends altho admitted to sleeping with her once. Fast forward to now me and him are work colleague's so I can't escape him for a fresh slate. So I was starting to trust him again and we spoke about taking it slowly but ultimately we both wanted to be together. We live an hour apart so it isn't always easy with the kids to spend time together and I never really know if he is where he says he is. Anyway yesterday he randomly tells me he going to see his friend who lives 3 hours away. He only ever drives local. I always have to go to him as he doesn't like motorway. Then tonight I see his so called ex friend is in the country at the moment. I really want to drive to his place and see if his car is there and he is lying but i know I shouldn't.

 

 

[elaine567]

Why not?
It will give you an answer...

[Mt13]

We are not together so he can do whay he wants. We just seeing how things go. If he saw me there and he was lying it would make work unbareable. But I kusy can't shake the feeling he is lying again

[basil67]

If he's got history of lying, why are you considering giving him another chance?

[Happy Lemming]

If you have to check on him (to see if he is home), then there is no trust.  Why would you even consider dating someone (again) you don't 100% trust??

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Mt13 said:

 I really want to drive to his place and see if his car is there and he is lying but i know I shouldn't

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? When did you break up? What was the breakup about?

Be polite and professional at work. Do not talk about your personal lives.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

He's not "lying", he simply doesn't have to answer to you anymore.

Yikes. Stop stalking him. It's over. Don't become a 'Fatal Attraction' case.

[Mt13]

It's never as simple as a short paragraph. There is alot more to it..it's not about becoming a fatal attraction case.  

We were together two years. And we split up because the other lady was constantly contacting me even when I blocked her she started writing letters. Calling my work. I couldn't cope with it. I wanted to move on with out the drama. 

But we didn't move on and we were never really over nothing changed between us apart from saying we are not together. 

She has caused me no end of trouble and i wanted to go see if his car is there and he was with her to find out if everything he has told me is lies for the whole time. Was he  just lieing and using me and her..having his cake and eat ir or is he really done with her and wanting a future with me. Wanting to get on with his life with out the drama. 

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by Mt13
Reply

[Mt13]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? When did you break up? What was the breakup about?

Yikes. Stop stalking him. It's over. Don't become a 'Fatal Attraction' case.

 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Mt13 said:

 the other lady was constantly contacting me even when I blocked her she started writing letters. Calling my work. 

How did she know your address? Was this his wife/GF?

Edited November 20, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Mt13]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did she know your address? Was this his wife/GF?

He says they were just friends, she would send him stuff from her country and when he went travelling over there they would meet up. 

She says he promised her the world he kept telling her he could not leave this country int he got his daughters visa bit as soon as he had her here with him they would move over to her. 

I have no idea how she got my address. How she even got my name and number when she first contacted me. When I asked her she said she got my name from his work rota.

He is very secretive with his phones always said one is for contact back home and one is for UK. So I don't think she got it from him.

 

I know I should just walk away there is too much but we work 15 hour shifts together  and it's not easy to just switch off all the questions!

[smackie9]

Start by not talking to him and if you do need to talk to him, just keep it professional/about work. It's just that easy.

[kendahke]

On 11/19/2021 at 6:17 PM, Mt13 said:

We are not together so he can do whay he wants. We just seeing how things go. If he saw me there and he was lying it would make work unbareable. But I kusy can't shake the feeling he is lying again

He probably is... do you like being lied to?

End this. He's clearly behaving like a man who isn't in a serious/committed relationship.

On 11/20/2021 at 4:41 AM, Mt13 said:

When I asked her she said she got my name from his work rota.

You need to take this up with HR--their security isn't what it should be. Either that or he gave your personal information to her or she was able to get into his work computer to find the company roster.

Quote

I know I should just walk away there is too much but

But nothing. Stop making excuses for not standing sentry to your boundaries.

Just because you two work shifts together doesn't mean you have to have personal conversations about your lack of a relationship with him. And it is easy to switch off the questions--you tell him you no longer wish to talk to him about anything outside of the immediate work assignment or professional company matters.

This is a prime example of why you should never poop where you eat. Don't date co-workers.

Edited December 2, 2021 by kendahke

[smackie9]

 

Get your head out of the clouds. This woman is not the problem or trouble, it's your ex. If you think things will be good with your ex with a clean slate, you are pretty gullible.