Am I Out of Line Here?

[Girl Fade Away]

Okay nevermind.   Good luck RetroR. 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Fox Sake]

28 minutes ago, RetroR said:

Him: "Hey, thank you for the delivery at work, I really do appreciate it.  Just please dont do it again.  The owner and HR rep were in the middle of interviews and he got kinda pissed about it."  

Me:  I am so sorry, I never would have.

Him: It's all good, I will smooth it out once I get back.

Me:  I am so sorry, once again.  I knew you weren't doing great and thought maybe it would cheer you up.

Him: I totally appreciate it, really

Me: I'll quit buggin ya.  Just know I'm thinking of you and hope the crazy with work is over soon.

Him:  it's all good Just busy and not feeling good.  I'll text you later."

After seeing this exchange I still think this is all on you. I think you’re trying too hard because you’re feeling him pull back- because you’re pushing him away with your advances. You need to pull back a bit and reign it in a notch with him. Definitely wait for him to text you. 
 

You need to change your texting pattern too. 
you’re being self dismissive too much. Love yourself a little!  Be fun! 
 

Him: "Hey, thank you for the delivery at work, I really do appreciate it.  Just please dont do it again.  The owner and HR rep were in the middle of interviews and he got kinda pissed about it."  

Me:sorry! ( insert joke about wrong item being delivered here. If someones sad , smiling is good!) 

…and then who knows where the conversation would have gone ….. 

 

Does he know you suffer anxiety by the way? I think it’s important you tell him…it will probably help one way or another. I’m going to guess you haven’t said anything yet which would be good because his responses aren’t based on that knowledge. 
 

Instead it went down like;

Him: It's all good, I will smooth it out once I get back.

Me:  I am so sorry, once again.  I knew you weren't doing great and thought maybe it would cheer you up. (This was totally unneeded to apologise again but the sentiment to cheer him up was nice …if he was actually feeling down. Be nice but don’t be a doormat) 

Him: I totally appreciate it, really

Me: I'll quit buggin ya.  Just know I'm thinking of you and hope the crazy with work is over soon. (Don’t do the whole “I’ll quit bugging you” thing. Ask a question, start a FaceTime call, something … You are devaluing yourself in his eyes by making yourself out as a pest. You’re a prize - remember that)

Him:  it's all good Just busy and not feeling good.  I'll text you later." 
 

You did the right thing not to respond. Now you fill your time in between with things YOU enjoy doing. Learn to value yourself a little more. Learn to meditate. Learn a new skill, love yourself 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Fox Sake

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

You did the right thing not to respond. Now you fill your time in between with things YOU enjoy doing. Learn to value yourself a little more. Learn to meditate. Learn a new skill, love yourself 

 Cue in song:

 

[elaine567]

35 minutes ago, RetroR said:

.  I did it because I care and would do the same to any friend or family member in the same boat.

You did it for a guy who does not want to be exclusive with you...
Don't do that again.

[Girl Fade Away]

I also agree with learning to love yourself.  First before any man or anyone.     @RetroR I know you feel anxious, but please, stop pushing, stop reaching.   I am not excusing the way he spoke to you because I still think that was incredibly rude however, I think you are putting pressure on this relationship and trying too hard.  His response that his boss did not like may be true, or maybe not but nonetheless I think he is feeling enormous pressure and receiving the chocolates at this early juncture may not have been the best thing to do.   However, I do NOT think this is all on you as was mentioned by another poster.  It was a very kind gesture.   Like I said, there was another way, a kinder way, of asking you to hold off on those types of gestures at the office.  Not over text, but in person.

The exclusivity thing, I am on the fence now.  A huge part of me still believes it was too soon to discuss and pushing.  Then again if you are having sex, it is important to know that he is not having sex with others.  It is a tough call.  

Let us know how this turns out, fingers crossed.

Edited November 24, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[glows]

OP, leave it alone for now. The chocolates was a sweet gesture. Depending on how comfortable a person is receiving it at work, it may not be received well due to any number of circumstances. You can also choose to believe his entire act is a lie and a farce but that is too extreme, imo. It won't help to make any assumptions at this point. Stay your loving self and let him come to you. 

At some point you will have to decide whether this is progressing at a rate you like or prefer in a relationship. The quality of your conversations, his ability to listen and respond accurately and establish closeness and kinship with you and how meaningfully or frequently you spend time in person all count. 

In the meantime find useful outlets for yourself and redirect all that anxiousness. Find ways to stay busy. I know what it's like to be wondering like that but trust that you'll make the right decision for yourself if it means ending something that isn't fulfilling to you. Also give this time to blossom and don't suffocate it. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, RetroR said:

Yes!  Thank you.  You get me

You're welcome.

And if it turns out he's dipping his pen at the same time, dump the chump.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, RetroR said:

  Honestly after this, I'm thinking hes gonna be done.

Sorry this happened. While sending it was over the top, his reaction was a bit nasty.

Step way back from this. Be careful of too much too soon.

 

 

[Girl Fade Away]

@RetroRis there an update?  Yesterday you mentioned he said he would text you 'later.'   Were you able to talk last night?  Hope everything is OK.

Edited November 24, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[RetroR]

He text me that he wasn't feeling good at all and was going to go home and get some rest.  He's been working 14 hour days.  He did text me this morning with the usual good morning that I've unfortunately come to expect.  He said he's feeling worse today and slept in and was late which hasn't happened in 10 years.  He also said he's sorry if I'm reading anything off from him but it's just that he doesn't feel well at all.  Of course I offered him whatever he needed if I could help.  He thanked me.  Soooo.... I've been trying to lay low.  It's hard but it'll happen how it should happen, I suppose.

[ShyViolet]

OP, I really think sending a guy gifts at work when you've only been dating a few weeks is way too much and enough to scare some people off.  I know you have anxiety, but you really need to reel yourself in.  This guy had already said he wasn't at a place where he wanted to be exclusive.  You are likely to scare this guy off.  You might already have.

[RetroR]

We had also mentioned last week about meeting my daughter.  I've been single for almost a year and my daughter has never met anyone I dated.  I promised myself I would not bring another man around her until I felt serious potential.  In conversation this morning, I mentioned dinner next week.  He said he'd love to and I told him how I had my set of rules as far as meeting my daughter.  He said he completely understands and yes, we are exclusive.  That made me feel better and I'm putting it to rest.

[RetroR]

1 minute ago, ShyViolet said:

OP, I really think sending a guy gifts at work when you've only been dating a few weeks is way too much and enough to scare some people off.  I know you have anxiety, but you really need to reel yourself in.  This guy had already said he wasn't at a place where he wanted to be exclusive.  You are likely to scare this guy off.  You might already have.

He never said he wasn't at a place to be exclusive?

[ShyViolet]

2 minutes ago, RetroR said:

He never said he wasn't at a place to be exclusive?

Correct me if I'm wrong but in your first post you said that you asked if you he wanted to be exclusive, and he didn't say yes.  He said he felt that should not happen "until you had been introduced to friends and family"

[RetroR]

Just now, ShyViolet said:

Correct me if I'm wrong but in your first post you said that you asked if you he wanted to be exclusive, and he didn't say yes.  He said he felt that should not happen "until you had been introduced to friends and family"

He said he didn't want to announce it until we had met family and friends, but said there's nobody else.  Also, this morning he kinda cleared it up by coming out and saying he did want to be exclusive when dinner with my daughter was mentioned.

[elaine567]

14 minutes ago, RetroR said:

He said he didn't want to announce it until we had met family and friends, but said there's nobody else.  Also, this morning he kinda cleared it up by coming out and saying he did want to be exclusive when dinner with my daughter was mentioned.

Be very careful.
Meeting daughter mentioned suddenly he is all in...

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, RetroR said:

We had also mentioned last week about meeting my daughter. 

Way too soon. Protect your child. There is zero reason to bring a man you don't know all that well or all that long around your daughter.

 You need to stop trying to accelerate things this much. Slow down, he likes you. Take your time.

[RetroR]

Random. Does anyone know if Facebook shows you as available even when you aren’t? 

Edited November 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged two threads

[basil67]

I can't imagine why FB would show something different to what the member wants it to.   Why do you ask?

[ShyViolet]

10 hours ago, RetroR said:

We had also mentioned last week about meeting my daughter.  I've been single for almost a year and my daughter has never met anyone I dated.  I promised myself I would not bring another man around her until I felt serious potential. 

Meeting your daughter when you've only been dating a few weeks?  "Serious potential"?  Why do you keep trying to rush this relationship?

[RetroR]

This is random but does anyone know if facebooks “active” status’ are actually correct? Say a “green dot” shows next to the persons name as if they’re are online. Has it been known to not always be accurate? I’ve read conflicting info.  thanks In advance. 

[Alpacalia]

Do you mean FB messenger?  If so, it could just mean the app is running in the background even if you're not logged on.

You can always check with FB Help & Support section or contact support directly.

Is there a reason you ask?

Edited November 25, 2021 by Alpaca
Inquiring Minds Want To Know

[basil67]

Oh wait....when you say "available", do you mean 'online at the moment' or single?

Are you trying to learn FB Dating?

[smackie9]

FB dating, there must be settings to change that. So if you don't adjust it, of course it will continue to show you are available. Sometimes it's just better to delete your profile completely.

Edited November 25, 2021 by smackie9

[Girl Fade Away]

@RetroR

I will cut to the chase based on your previous thread.  Did you find your boyfriend on FB showing as 'active' after your agreement to be exclusive?  We are here to help.