Is my boyfriend lying about seeing an escort?

[chels55]

17 hours ago, LatinCoffee said:

@glows This is spot on how I feel! Good luck to the OP!

 

On 11/24/2021 at 2:06 AM, basil67 said:

This bit is weird too.  How would you "know" it was an escort?   If I saw "I'm around on Friday......"  flash up on my husband's lock screen, I'd be thinking work client or at worst, affair partner.   Why assume sex worker? 

The reason being was we have very simple lives, it was a number not saved and the postcode she left was in another city. No one messages like that. We have a small group of friends and his work colleges are all in a WhatsApp group chat they don't talk separately or have to meet up outside of work either. Also he only works with males, and when I saved her number to see if she had a picture on WhatsApp it was her, half naked.

[chels55]

On 11/24/2021 at 12:46 AM, Fox Sake said:

So anyways. Gossip aside.
 

You’re relationship has clearly degraded into this stage now where one or both of you aren’t getting what you need. And there’s a lack of transparent and open communication, otherwise there wouldn’t be a lack of trust. 
 

Have you actually sat down and discussed with him what he honestly feels is missing from the relationship? Or why he is seeking to be with another woman or why he feels he needs to?

…I think once you confront all of that with each other - openly and honestly without fear of the other one flying off the handle, you’ll have a more clear understanding and won’t have to play detective and try and get others to help you solve this issue that is down to something being wrong in the relationship and neither of you discussing it. Then resentment and mistrust build….. then boom.  

Hello, yes I have sat him down to speak about how on earth we have come to this. He honestly doesn't see a problem in our relationship, he is saying this all a huge misunderstanding and that he loves me dearly and doesn't want to be with anyone else. This is why I feel bloody crazy right now because its all here infant me, black and white... but yet its just a "coincidence" I feel like one minute I'm like "yep this is a misunderstanding - he was looking for porn on the escort site and accidentally pressed her number" but then in the same breathe I'm like "Don't be ridiculous, the lady has messaged him, he searched local escorts in his browser and she has clarified its him she see but he walked out saying he had a gf and couldn't go through with it!"

[Foxhall]

17 minutes ago, chels55 said:

Thank you just feeling very confused

Hmmn reluctant to engage anymore on this,

but thanks for the comment,

I dont know I can imagine how my girlfriend would react if I did this- would be over no doubt,

but she would also say that the lying is the thing that hurt her the most,

 guys in general or some of them anyway are vulnerable to temptations, sure as another poster mentioned in a thread you notice all the high profile guys that have affairs and things,

As people have said here getting it out in the open between the two of you is the way forward- him being prepared to open up and you being prepared to forgive,

its a lot for you to deal with I guess,  then you have a family together, its not an easy walk away either.

 

[chels55]

18 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Hmmn reluctant to engage anymore on this,

but thanks for the comment,

I dont know I can imagine how my girlfriend would react if I did this- would be over no doubt,

but she would also say that the lying is the thing that hurt her the most,

 guys in general or some of them anyway are vulnerable to temptations, sure as another poster mentioned in a thread you notice all the high profile guys that have affairs and things,

As people have said here getting it out in the open between the two of you is the way forward- him being prepared to open up and you being prepared to forgive,

its a lot for you to deal with I guess,  then you have a family together, its not an easy walk away either.

 

Oh defiently agree with you there, the lying being the thing that hurts the most, 
He says he isn't lying though which is making it worse for me to handle. 
Thank you.

[Fox Sake]

3 hours ago, chels55 said:

Hello, yes I have sat him down to speak about how on earth we have come to this. He honestly doesn't see a problem in our relationship, he is saying this all a huge misunderstanding and that he loves me dearly and doesn't want to be with anyone else. This is why I feel bloody crazy right now because its all here infant me, black and white... but yet its just a "coincidence" I feel like one minute I'm like "yep this is a misunderstanding - he was looking for porn on the escort site and accidentally pressed her number" but then in the same breathe I'm like "Don't be ridiculous, the lady has messaged him, he searched local escorts in his browser and she has clarified its him she see but he walked out saying he had a gf and couldn't go through with it!"

That’s the problem tho. You may have been open and honest when you sat down but he wasn’t honest. 
If he was being honest he would have opened up and said what the issue is. He would have told you things exactly as they are and how they happened. He would have told you about the meet up and the humility that came over him.  
 

Instead you got told what you wanted to hear to lay the situation to rest and make you question your sanity. 

Nothing got solved. If a guy is looking at porn (or escorts) over having sex with you, he’s not attracted to you physically anymore. 
 

My take on it is your sex life has died down and although he loves you dearly , he’s probably seeking his sexual activity elsewhere. Shamefully he didn’t have the balls to admit that. I think when you found out and told him about it , he got fear of loss for you. 
 

This is why open and honest communication is so important in a relationship. I’m not gonna say it’s dead in the water cos sometimes people don’t know what they have until it’s gone, but with communication and trust like you both have currently , that doesn’t resolve anything, I don’t see that working. 

[LynneVicious]

3 hours ago, chels55 said:

Oh defiently agree with you there, the lying being the thing that hurts the most, 
He says he isn't lying though which is making it worse for me to handle. 
Thank you.

Yes he’s gaslighting you making you think you’re the crazy one for thinking he would do that. It’s just a coincidence? Nah. As judge Judy says, “if it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true” lol. Sorry you’re going through this. 

[Fox Sake]

3 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

Yes he’s gaslighting you making you think you’re the crazy one for thinking he would do that. It’s just a coincidence? Nah. As judge Judy says, “if it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true” lol. Sorry you’re going through this. 

Another one of JJ’s is “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining” !!! 
Both equally as apt

Edited November 25, 2021 by Fox Sake

[LynneVicious]

Don’t forget 

“Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn’t work and it annoys the pig.”

[smackie9]

OK so you have your evidence. He's been seeing escorts (I doubt this is his first), It's confirmed, instead of talking to you he's make the conscious decision to see one, He's has or is planning to cheat on you, the woman of his two other children and his unborn child, he lied to you, gaslighting you, and whatever else has been going on in your relationship that has been of question. By the sounds of it, he's got you over a barrel, and you are going to look past this anyways whether he admits to it or not.

So what are you going to do? Stay because you don't want to breakup your family?...he knows this so he knows he's golden. No matter, he's gonna glaze over this as much as possible.

I suggest couples counseling. If you don't get him talking right, he's gonna hide it better next time. He shows no guilt/remorse. He's being a total jerk to you...it's so insulting.

[stillafool]

Now that you know that your suspicions are true what are you going to do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Is prostitution legal where you are? That and going to escorts in itself are reasons he's not volunteering information. Trust your judgement and instincts.