Chrischase Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 (edited) A little backstory on this is that I got cheated on and found out about it, which obviously resulted in us parting ways. That was almost three years ago and up until that incident this was someone I truly cared about and loved. Fast forward to a couple days ago she hit me up asking how I was. I replied telling her I was great and it broke out into a little conversation about how both of our families have struggled through the quarantine and eventually got to a conversation about her mom that was sick with some rare disease. Near the end of our exchange she asked if I was free to go to lunch and I replied with a day that I had off which was Thursday. We set a time but no place. The next day she texts me saying that she has to cancel because her mom has a doctors appointment that the whole family needs to go to. I simply replied "okay, hopefully all goes well! That's first priority." and she said thank you. I am just wondering if she is trying to play me. Do y'all think she will attempt to reach out again in the near future? I know that most people would simply say to block the number but I truly want to know what her motive is. Should I just straight up ask her why she contacted me in the first place? Edited November 25, 2021 by Chrischase Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 Her mother is sick so be true to your word and let her mother be the first priority. Don't let those be empty words. You're overthinking this. It was meant to be a simple lunch, not a rekindling of the relationship or any underlying meaning that she still has feelings for you. If anything she may just need a supportive and listening ear. Deep breaths, take a step back. Get some air outside and go for a run. Let her contact you if she wants to. However from the sounds of it you are not able to be on platonic or friendly or easygoing terms with her. If this is too confusing for you, don't agree to meet up with her again. Move on, truly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrischase Posted November 25, 2021 Author Share Posted November 25, 2021 @glows Firstly, thank you for the response it's greatly appreciated! It's hard to describe the way I am feeling about the situation because I'm conflicted inside. Most people around me tell me to just block her and not even put up with this but deep down inside for some reason I still feel a certain way towards her. It's hard to put into words the way I feel exactly, but I can say that I was actually looking forward to seeing her even if it was just a lunch. I guess in my mind I thought that going to lunch was a bold thing to ask for and that by doing so she showed a curiosity towards maybe rekindling a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 It's not uncommon if there are some familiar or residual feelings on either side. If she did want to rekindle anything with you, would now be a good time? She also cheated on you once so it's understandable if there's some resentment. You mentioned feeling "played". I'd figure those feelings out. Why do you feel played now? That's the past coming back to influence you and what you think about her. Feeling conflicted is a result of all that. I don't think you've let go of the past completely or worked through that resentment being cheated on. Meeting up with her might have been nice in the moment, a familiar face, but to what end? Would you be comfortable dating or seeing someone who once deceived you? Anything you've been doing in the meantime, getting your life back, enjoying times with friends, return to that before she stepped back in the picture. While no one can 100% tell you what her intentions are, you alone can weigh the likelihood of whether any of this would ever amount to anything meaningful without history (the cheating) repeating itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 If her Mom has health issues and the whole family is being called in, it's not good news. So you may not hear from her right away. But if/when you do hear from her, listen to her. She may just want to clear the air and apologize for her cheating. Don't over think this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 You broke up bc of what happened but that doesn't mean your feelings for her just disappear too and they obviously haven't if you let them in again, but that's only natural if you felt a lot for her back then.Maybe it really was a family thing and that's all there was too it , is there anyone you could quietly ask to find out? Or otherwise maybe she had second thoughts and made an excuse bc she chickened out, we you can't know, unless you can find out or maybe she calls back later now to arrange something else. l'd suspect she def' wanted to see you again to just feel things out , and if it was still there between you she's thinking about whether it could be rekindled . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrischase Posted November 25, 2021 Author Share Posted November 25, 2021 @chillii@Cersei@glowsthank you all! I guess @chilliiI think everyone around me looks at me like I'm stupid for even talking to her because she obviously hurt me and betrayed me so my feelings towards her are mixed. On one side I would love to sit down with her and have a chat and get to see how each other is doing, but on the other hand I know that the normal thing to do in this situation would be to ignore the message. Not to mention my whole family hates her because of the situation so me telling them I went out to lunch would be a huge bomb. @CerseiI understand that it could be a major family health crisis but the fact of the matter is I don't know. This sounds crazy but she did lie in then past so it's possible she's making this whole thing up. While I highly doubt it because she told me about her mom early in the texts, it is possible. As for the cheating I don't know if that's at all her intentions, she apologized when I caught her and has texted me several times after breaking up regarding that situation. @glowsI don't know if now would be a good time. Emotionally I'm pretty stable. It's possible that she broke up with her man(The person she cheated on my with) and that's why she is contacting me? And to the second question, I can't say I would be fully comfortable dating her, that is unless she gains my trust back at some point. Can I ask you this, is this something I should try to reschedule with her? If I did text her back and try to reschedule is that giving her what she wants or making me look desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 No, the ball is in her court to reschedule with you because she couldn't make it the first time. You're making this way too easy for someone to walk all over you or take advantage of your good graces, especially someone who has already taken advantage of you once or abused that trust. What is the root of all this though? Are you lonely or would like company to go out, have lunch, or do things with? You're circling back around an ex, and not just an ordinary ex whom you ended things with on somewhat respectful terms. I would not ever speak to someone like that again, not even if I was curious for a second. There is too much out of life to be joyful and curious about. I value my peace of mind and the kind of lifestyle I've worked hard for. I would not let someone like that in it just to manufacture chaos again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrischase Posted November 25, 2021 Author Share Posted November 25, 2021 @glowsI wouldn't say I'm lonely necessarily as I prefer to be at home and on my computer playing games than at bars or clubs. I kind of miss the feeling of having someone to really trust and be able to talk to about anything and everything. I've been kind of working on myself since the breakup, going to the gym, working, and occasionally seeing my friends. I haven't really tried to get into any other relationships and waiting until the right person or situation arises. I really appreciate your comments! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 Then carry on and keep enjoying your life. Try new things too. Variety is truly the spice of life. Take your mind off of the regular hum drum and take up something new (within reason, nothing too risky). Who knows.. you may meet others just like you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrischase Posted December 1, 2021 Author Share Posted December 1, 2021 @glows it’s been a week since the text, I know you already Gave your thoughts on the whole situation by saying you’d block her and forget about it, but what motive would she have for hitting me up and then disappearing? What should I make of this and is their a time where if I wanted to I could text her and try to initiate something? Link to post Share on other sites
Claire00 Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 On 11/25/2021 at 5:33 AM, Chrischase said: A little backstory on this is that I got cheated on and found out about it, which obviously resulted in us parting ways. That was almost three years ago and up until that incident this was someone I truly cared about and loved. Fast forward to a couple days ago she hit me up asking how I was. I replied telling her I was great and it broke out into a little conversation about how both of our families have struggled through the quarantine and eventually got to a conversation about her mom that was sick with some rare disease. Near the end of our exchange she asked if I was free to go to lunch and I replied with a day that I had off which was Thursday. We set a time but no place. The next day she texts me saying that she has to cancel because her mom has a doctors appointment that the whole family needs to go to. I simply replied "okay, hopefully all goes well! That's first priority." and she said thank you. I am just wondering if she is trying to play me. Do y'all think she will attempt to reach out again in the near future? I know that most people would simply say to block the number but I truly want to know what her motive is. Should I just straight up ask her why she contacted me in the first place? You can never know if she s gonna play you but you can not let this happen. I could return to my ex which I cheated without willing to play him so I wouldn’t reject the chance at all. If she wants you back first thing she should apologise for the past and feel sorry about it. Cheating has a reason and you deserve one. Being played twice doesn’t make you a fool, it shows you are a good person you can forgive and you can trust. What makes you a fool is not learning from your past so don’t rush anything and let her show her intentions. From my view you shouldn’t get your hopes high. Females show if they have erotic intentions, you don’t just discuss your issues with an ex. All I see is she just needed you to comfort her and not to get back w you. Link to post Share on other sites
Carlon Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 On 11/24/2021 at 11:23 PM, Chrischase said: I was actually looking forward to seeing her even if it was just a lunch. I guess in my mind I thought that going to lunch was a bold thing to ask for and that by doing so she showed a curiosity towards maybe rekindling a relationship. She cheated on you man! Disrespected and deceived you, and kicked you to the curb. Potentially after exposing you to a fatal or lifelong STD! She now sends you a text and your head is spinning with questions about what she's thinking. You need to find your self respect, it's in there somewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
Claire00 Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 26 minutes ago, Carlon said: She cheated on you man! Disrespected and deceived you, and kicked you to the curb. Potentially after exposing you to a fatal or lifelong STD! She now sends you a text and your head is spinning with questions about what she's thinking. You need to find your self respect, it's in there somewhere! I agree everyone should have self respect in a relationship but don’t be so aggressive with cheating at first place. People can cheat on you for many reasons and it doesn’t mean they don’t respect you. Every situation differs. Forgiving is not loss of self respect Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Chrischase said: @glows it’s been a week since the text, I know you already Gave your thoughts on the whole situation by saying you’d block her and forget about it, but what motive would she have for hitting me up and then disappearing? What should I make of this and is their a time where if I wanted to I could text her and try to initiate something? You're looking at this the wrong way. There's no need to think there's any motive at all. You're too fixed on the idea that she has an agenda and are overthinking what any of it means. You both had a nice conversation, made plans halfway with incomplete details, she couldn't make it and told you her mother is sick. So if you wanted to get back in touch with her then contact her next week and ask her out for coffee again. If she says no (again) for some reason or other, you have your answer. Keep in mind that you have a history of being disappointed repeatedly by the same person so don't be surprised in the least if she continues to disappoint you further. Edited December 1, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
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