When a break fails, does that mean a breakup must be final? or can that still lead to a reconciliation?

[Jackson Santos]

My girlfriend and I have dated for just under 3 years 2018-2021. We had a beautiful relationship for most of that time. It often felt like a honeymoon phase that just wouldn’t end. She would often write me notes and I would often play cute songs for her well into the first and second year into our relationship.

But the beginning of 2021 started to show more consistent issues. Fights that were devastating, disagreements as to when and where we can spend our time etc. Though we seemed to get better around May, in July, I went through a rough moving process with my mom and a lot of our issues returned. Mix that in with her getting a new job and new friends, and our relationship did not seem secure for the first time.
One day, I suddenly get a call from her and she is crying and telling me that we are different people and she doesn’t know if this can work. After a few hours of talking in person, I thought our relationship was over. But it wasn’t. We spent the next few weeks trying our best to just ignore our issues and have a good time and it just wasn’t working. Finally, we had a pre planned trip to Disney coming up and decided we should go as one last attempt to save our relationship by reminding us of why we love each other. And the trip went amazing. We both had an incredible time together and felt the love that we hadn’t felt in some time.

Upon returning, we agreed that we needed time to ourselves before talking again and then maybe up to a month without actually seeing each other. 2 weeks went by and we failed. We saw each other multiple times to go on extremely fun yet pointless dates and she called me at 3am for emotional support when her dog went missing. By the end of our second date, I had a breakdown and knew we had to talk about our relationship. The next day, we had a talk and she decided that our relationship wasn’t working out and we should break up. This left me completely devastated as I thought we just didn’t give each other a chance yet and there was clearly still something between us.  

Despite our break failing, am I wrong to assume that we still have something special and could maybe work it out sometime down the road?

[Sun Seeker]

Yes you are wrong to think it could work sometime down the road. A break is just delaying the inevitable - a full breakup. Which is exactly what happened.

She has told you how she feels. You need to accept that, and start moving on. You don't want to 'work it out sometime' with someone that does not want to be with you.

[glows]

1 hour ago, Jackson Santos said:

One day, I suddenly get a call from her and she is crying and telling me that we are different people and she doesn’t know if this can work. 

What does this mean? You've known her for three years - what is she saying when she says this? Is it about your life goals or lifestyle or ?

People tend to say things in the event of a break up, often vague things like this, but there is usually a very clear underlying meaning. It may be too fresh for you to look at objectively but take a good look at your lives. Do they align or are you both compatible?

[chillii]

Pretty obvious , she means them .

Anyway op , you can go and have fun and get along so well but it's only superficial and skin deep bc at a time like that there's no issues or complications , no real, you've just spent some hassle free time together. Unfortunately though when things do become real again all the same stuff will flood back in.

l think it's been too rocky op and there's no one thing to be worked on or fixed. She's also very iffy and on off too and iffy usually stays iffy until she dumps you again. But it sounds like there's lots of other things not gelling too and you'll just be heading for more of the same if you go on.

Edited November 25, 2021 by chillii

[Fox Sake]

That’s a brutal breakup for you man. The slow kiss of death. 

It’s a shame you didn’t use all that good vibe energy you both had at Disney to try and discuss and compromise what actually was going wrong.
If you ignore something that’s broken it’s gonna stop working eventually. You both basically went slow dancing in a burning room as last goodbye. Maybe there’s some things you can take from this experience….

  

I’ll entertain your question hypothetically- Maybe if you had kept your cool who knows , cos people always want what they can’t have. It’s why you’re hurting so bad right now. Sometimes breakups can be a bit of a dance and you have a momentary of play, but honestly the chances are usually slim for a long term outcome because none of the issues have been resolved..that’s usually unfortunately gained with time apart and/or loss of feeling. So if she gives you an inch you take a mile and disappear. Do not reach out to her.  
 
This is your opportunity to become the best version of you, that you can be. if you just accept the breakup for what it is and try and learn whatever it is you can from, introspectively and respectively , so you don’t carry things into the next relationship… and then the same things happen again and each time you are pained you learn a little more.so use this experience and I promise in 3 months you will be a new man. 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Fox Sake

[glows]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

Pretty obvious , she means them .

Are you responding to my post? If that's the case I was not speaking to you or interested in your assumptions. I'm asking the OP directly. 

[chillii]

Good for you