Did I make the right decision with this older men? I have the feeling that I ruined my chances

[Lana1609]

Hi everyone! English is not my native language so please let me know if there is something that you do not understand. 

I dated this guy for 6 months.

I am 25 years old and about 6 months ago i started dating this men that is 34 years old. He was the one asking me out and i did not have a lot of expectations. On our second date i told him that i was looking for a serious relationship and he told me that he was open to meet the love of his life or just something casual.

We kept dating because i started to like him a lot. I honestly think that I was impressed by his way of seeing life and his experience.

But then, i started noticing something. We only saw each other every 2 weeks and i blamed the pandemic but almost all our dates were at his place, having sex and just having those stupid deep conversations.

I started to complain. He told me that maybe i could stay the night at his place because he did not want me to feel unimportant to him, so i stayed longer but we kept seeing each other every 2 weeks.

I told him that i wanted s serious relationship and that he was making me feel used. He then, promised me that he was not using me, that he liked to get to know me and was open to having a relationship with me.

We started going out more, not only at his place but i was still feeling bad and used. He did not text me for almost 3 days so yesterday, i finally told him that I did not want to continue the relationship and finally, he agreed with me and told me that he just realized he was not ready for a relationship.

I feel like is the right decision but i just miss him so much and i feel like if maybe I had been more patient or more relaxed, he would have wanted to have a relationship with me. 

I want to text him so much but right now i just do not know if i did the right thing.

Thanks you so much for reading me.

[basil67]

It was the right decision.  If you are comfortable with who you are and what you want, don't go against your instincts just to get a guy.

[Sun Seeker]

He was never going to start a relationship with you. He told you this on your second date when he added 'or something casual'. That was his way of telling you he just wanted sex, and seeing if you will still carry on seeing him. Which you did, so he carried on using you for casual sex, as you seemed fine with it.

Us men decide within the first 1/2 dates (or even within the first 1/2 hours) of meeting a woman, whether she has potential for something serious, or if she's put in the 'casual sex for as long as possible and nothing more' pile.

[stillafool]

I agree he never really wanted a relationship with you or decided he didn't after he started seeing you.  Why do you feel used?  Is it because you had sex with him without being in a relationship first?  If so, that isn't his fault but yours.  You are the keeper of your body and if a man isn't giving you what you want you do not reward him by having sex.  If you wanted the sex too and that is why you had it no problem, but that is not being used.  It was mutual.  Maybe you just miss him because you don't have anyone else in your life right now.  Give yourself a chance to meet other men.

[glows]

You did the right thing, OP. Don't contact him again since it's finished and done. It takes virtually no effort whatsoever to send a text to someone you care about just to let them know you're thinking about them and it's not hard to give someone the impression that you're interested in them as a whole. If he wasn't doing that for you, trust your gut. I'd also take his excuse at face value about not being ready for a relationship and not overthink it. 

You're now free to enjoy the company of others.

 

[czanclus]

On 11/25/2021 at 9:44 PM, Lana1609 said:

I feel like is the right decision but i just miss him so much and i feel like if maybe I had been more patient or more relaxed, he would have wanted to have a relationship with me. 

Just gonna stop you right there, like any good mother should. No. NEVER. EVER. delude yourself that the reason a relationship didn't work out was because you were too impatient, clingy, needy, milestone-chasing, and overall demanding. Men that are unwilling to commit can barely wait to slap that label on you lest they end up looking like string along selfish ******s. Classic shameless gaslighting, and don't you dare fall for that. That same man is one day going to be ready to settle, and will get it all taken care of in mere months. Moving her in? Check. Introduction for friends? Check. Introduction to family? Check. Proposing? Check. Baby? Check. (maybe swap the last two). But for the love of all magnanimous, do not even think of berating yourself for "pushing the man too much." Just let him go clean up someone else's (ironically probably 10 times more needy and dependent) messes and issues. You take a day off to pamper yourself and be receptive for much better quality specimens. Good luck and success. 

Edited November 27, 2021 by czanclus