Author Sugarkane Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 29 minutes ago, basil67 said: That's not psychopathy - it's just annoying boastfulness I disagree especially as he promised to sell it Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 What happened in between him saying that he'd sell it and changing his mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 24 minutes ago, basil67 said: What happened in between him saying that he'd sell it and changing his mind? Nothing happened. He went on another holiday. Apart from that nothing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, basil67 said: That's not psychopathy - it's just annoying boastfulness I agree. People who have a toy, will often talk about it. AND... "Talking about it" to one person could be seen as "Annoying" to someone who doesn't want to hear about it. 2 hours ago, Sugarkane said: I disagree especially as he promised to sell it So??? You are an adult, (how old are you?) and honestly sound ungrateful for what you did get. He may have changed his mind because he's done helping you. OK... maybe he didn't buy you a house... but I'm guessing you had food and clothes when you were growing up. I'm guessing you had toys, and other things that kids need. I'm sure you had medicine and a bed when you were sick. It's kind of funny.... I've had this conversation with my oldest daughter since getting divorced. There have been times where she would be upset with me sticking to rules that have been set for a long time. (Her mother is letting her do what she wants) So, she wants to be up all night playing games with her friends. She has often woke me up being loud, and I will turn off the internet. Then, she wouldn't wake up because she didn't fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. After I checked on her a couple times, and made sure she was awake..... she fell back to sleep, and was late for school. At that point she tried to blame me. And I kind of snapped, and told her I did my job, and the blame is all on her. This started to become an issue... and I had to go back on something that I told her I would get her. (a game) She was mad... but I talked to her about it... and I explained that... Why would I want to do something special for her, when she isn't following the rules, and isn't even giving me the courtesy of not waking me up? On the flip side of this... I have one memory that sticks with me from childhood. And it was a good life lesson. I was a kid in the 80's... and my dad found a used Pinball machine, and we were going to go get it after he was done with work. Well... my brother an I were so rotten that day... he got home, and said we weren't getting it. I was devastated (I was 12 or so) and mad. BUT... I was a smart kid. I didn't blame my dad for going back on what he said he was going to do... I realized there was consequences for my actions. So... just reading your responses... I get a feeling you aren't seeing the bigger picture. Regardless of what may have been said... your folks have the responsibility of making sure you had what you needed to grow up. If you are older than 18... and you are being ungrateful... then their job is done. Stop dwelling on this, and move on, and figure out how to be an adult. As a final FYI... Because of COVID... I just lost my job. I'm not crying to my father (or mom) I'm figuring out what my next step in life is. Edited June 20, 2021 by Blind-Sided 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 13 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: I agree. People who have a toy, will often talk about it. AND... "Talking about it" to one person could be seen as "Annoying" to someone who doesn't want to hear about it. So??? You are an adult, (how old are you?) and honestly sound ungrateful for what you did get. He may have changed his mind because he's done helping you. OK... maybe he didn't buy you a house... but I'm guessing you had food and clothes when you were growing up. I'm guessing you had toys, and other things that kids need. I'm sure you had medicine and a bed when you were sick. It's kind of funny.... I've had this conversation with my oldest daughter since getting divorced. There have been times where she would be upset with me sticking to rules that have been set for a long time. (Her mother is letting her do what she wants) So, she wants to be up all night playing games with her friends. She has often woke me up being loud, and I will turn off the internet. Then, she wouldn't wake up because she didn't fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. After I checked on her a couple times, and made sure she was awake..... she fell back to sleep, and was late for school. At that point she tried to blame me. And I kind of snapped, and told her I did my job, and the blame is all on her. This started to become an issue... and I had to go back on something that I told her I would get her. (a game) She was mad... but I talked to her about it... and I explained that... Why would I want to do something special for her, when she isn't following the rules, and isn't even giving me the courtesy of not waking me up? On the flip side of this... I have one memory that sticks with me from childhood. And it was a good life lesson. I was a kid in the 80's... and my dad found a used Pinball machine, and we were going to go get it after he was done with work. Well... my brother an I were so rotten that day... he got home, and said we weren't getting it. I was devastated (I was 12 or so) and mad. BUT... I was a smart kid. I didn't blame my dad for going back on what he said he was going to do... I realized there was consequences for my actions. So... just reading your responses... I get a feeling you aren't seeing the bigger picture. Regardless of what may have been said... your folks have the responsibility of making sure you had what you needed to grow up. If you are older than 18... and you are being ungrateful... then their job is done. Stop dwelling on this, and move on, and figure out how to be an adult. As a final FYI... Because of COVID... I just lost my job. I'm not crying to my father (or mom) I'm figuring out what my next step in life is. Look I just don’t like being called a liar, when I’m not. He could just own up to it/ actually have an explanation? My parents knew that I didn’t have my act together and hadn’t moved out before. So they kind of did fail in that regard. I’ve had my family destroyed for nothing, just because I didn’t know the right job agencies to go to. How’s that fair? Nothing about my case makes any sense. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 What did he say that you lied about? Why did you choose to move out if you were unemployed? How did you think you'd pay rent? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 46 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: 1) Look I just don’t like being called a liar, when I’m not. 2) He could just own up to it/ actually have an explanation? 3) My parents knew that I didn’t have my act together and hadn’t moved out before. So they kind of did fail in that regard. I’ve had my family destroyed for nothing, just because I didn’t know the right job agencies to go to. 4) How’s that fair? Going by the numbers.... 1) Who called you a liar? I don't remember reading that before. 2) It's his car, his money. And, he's the "Dad". While it would be nice to get an explanation... he does not owe you one. 3) If you were an adult... how is it their fault? If you weren't ready to grow up... how did they fail you? I'm guessing they tried to set you straight... and you refused. UNTIL... you realized you were now on your own. 4) Life isn't fair. Life is hard. Life takes work, and effort. Anyone telling differently, is trying to sell you something. Is it fair that my 28 year old company, that made me 6 figures, totally collapsed because of COVID? (Couldn't travel, so I couldn't make $$$) and will leave 6 people unemployed. No, it's not fair... but I will move on, and so will the others. If you are still a young adult... and don't have your act together... then just join the military. They will teach you how to grow up, and be responsible for yourself. Edited June 21, 2021 by Blind-Sided 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 22 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Going by the numbers.... 1) Who called you a liar? I don't remember reading that before. 2) It's his car, his money. And, he's the "Dad". While it would be nice to get an explanation... he does not owe you one. 3) If you were an adult... how is it their fault? If you weren't ready to grow up... how did they fail you? I'm guessing they tried to set you straight... and you refused. UNTIL... you realized you were now on your own. 4) Life isn't fair. Life is hard. Life takes work, and effort. Anyone telling differently, is trying to sell you something. Is it fair that my 28 year old company, that made me 6 figures, totally collapsed because of COVID? (Couldn't travel, so I couldn't make $$$) and will leave 6 people unemployed. No, it's not fair... but I will move on, and so will the others. If you are still a young adult... and don't have your act together... then just join the military. They will teach you how to grow up, and be responsible for yourself. 1) My dad called me a liar about selling his car. 3) I’m the eldest and my parents never wanted me to grow up and leave home. He always used to lie, that you have to be married to leave home. We’re not even ethnic. They never “set me straight”. 4) I’m sorry about your business and I lived in the state with the longest lockdowns in my country. Don’t get me started. 5) it’s not that simple. I have another child and CPS gets the last say on everything. At the moment they want living at my parents. I will try and remember the military as an option. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 14 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: If you are still a young adult... and don't have your act together... then just join the military. They will teach you how to grow up, and be responsible for yourself. This is GREAT advice. Your parents can take care of your kids while you are deployed. The military would teach you VERY QUICKLY (like they did me) that YOU are responsible for yourself, your actions, and everything that comes as a result of those actions. I always told my daughters - "Go ahead, blame me for everything in your life going wrong...UNTIL you reach the age of 18. Then, YOU make your own choices and YOU have to live with the consequences. Don't come around to blame me if things go wrong for you. I gave you all the tools necessary to be a productive, successful adult. The rest is up to you." To add to that, I had a pretty crappy childhood. No one was going to bail me out of anything. No one was going to make a soft landing for me. Everything I have today, and since the age of 18, when I joined the military, is from my OWN hard work. Stop being bitter because your father didn't GIVE you something you believe you deserved. If you want something, go out and WORK for it. If you are not sure what resources are available to you, Google is a good place to start. Google anything you want to know - job assistance in my area, parenting classes near me. Whatever...it's all out there. GO GET IT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 19 hours ago, Sugarkane said: I have another child and CPS gets the last say on everything. At the moment they want living at my parents. Why does CPS have a say with your child? Where is the father? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 On 5/30/2021 at 7:49 PM, Sugarkane said: All I wanted was to find the right resources to help me get work. Did you go though an employment agency? That's your best resource. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/17/2021 at 3:32 AM, Sugarkane said: How to deal with being constantly bossed around? This isn’t ideal By being independent. If someone else is paying your way or you are living under their roof for free, you have a boss. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 3:40 AM, Sugarkane said: He’s that much of a psychopath he brings up his car as much as possible and brags about it Maybe he's just proud of what he worked and paid for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 10 hours ago, vla1120 said: This is GREAT advice. Your parents can take care of your kids while you are deployed. The military would teach you VERY QUICKLY (like they did me) that YOU are responsible for yourself, your actions, and everything that comes as a result of those actions. I always told my daughters - "Go ahead, blame me for everything in your life going wrong...UNTIL you reach the age of 18. Then, YOU make your own choices and YOU have to live with the consequences. Don't come around to blame me if things go wrong for you. I gave you all the tools necessary to be a productive, successful adult. The rest is up to you." To add to that, I had a pretty crappy childhood. No one was going to bail me out of anything. No one was going to make a soft landing for me. Everything I have today, and since the age of 18, when I joined the military, is from my OWN hard work. Stop being bitter because your father didn't GIVE you something you believe you deserved. If you want something, go out and WORK for it. If you are not sure what resources are available to you, Google is a good place to start. Google anything you want to know - job assistance in my area, parenting classes near me. Whatever...it's all out there. GO GET IT! That’s my point- they didn’t give me the tools to succeed and that’s a large reason why I’m in this situation! If I join the military, how would I get custody, if I’m away a lot? Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 15 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: That’s my point- they didn’t give me the tools to succeed and that’s a large reason why I’m in this situation! If I join the military, how would I get custody, if I’m away a lot? If you’re grown enough to make two children, you’re grown enough to figure out your own tools by now. How long are you going to blame your parents /family before you get your act together? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 2 hours ago, Sugarkane said: If I join the military, how would I get custody, if I’m away a lot? Sweetie, you don't have custody now when you are around. Perhaps a stint in the military will give you the tools to demonstrate to the courts that you've got your life together and are now able to take care of your children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 9 hours ago, basil67 said: Sweetie, you don't have custody now when you are around. Perhaps a stint in the military will give you the tools to demonstrate to the courts that you've got your life together and are now able to take care of your children. This!^^^^ You join the military, send money back to help support your children, stay in contact with them and show CPS that you are ready to take custody of your children. You get on base housing (or get paid BAH (basic allowance for housing) to live off base) and your kids can live with YOU! I'm sorry you don't feel your parents gave you the tools to succeed. My parents also did not give me the tools to succeed, which is why I made sure I DID give my children the tools they would need to succeed. You will never have more satisfaction and pride in yourself than when you are determined to succeed on your own, regardless of the obstacles you have to overcome. I had decided early on not to have any children because of what happened to me in my childhood. However, once I DID decide to have children, I made sure I did EVERYTHING in my power to take care of their every need. Once you start putting your children FIRST and make every decision based on what is in their best interest, you will find your life much more satisfying and rewarding. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 11 hours ago, Sugarkane said: That’s my point- they didn’t give me the tools to succeed and that’s a large reason why I’m in this situation! If I join the military, how would I get custody, if I’m away a lot? What tools do you feel they owed you that you didn't get to stand on your own 2 feet?? May I ask how old you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 5:51 PM, basil67 said: That's not psychopathy - it's just annoying boastfulness How is going back on a promise, gaslighting me, not psychopathy? And then bringing the item up to brag about? You’ve got to be minding me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 8 hours ago, stillafool said: What tools do you feel they owed you that you didn't get to stand on your own 2 feet?? May I ask how old you are? I’m in my 30s. I hadn’t moved out before. I’m talking about the tools to get a job. I didn’t know where to go to for help- I applied to the usual agencies but they’re utterly useless and a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: How is going back on a promise, gaslighting me, not psychopathy? And then bringing the item up to brag about? You’ve got to be minding me. Psychopathy cannot be diagnosed without a full mental health evaluation by a suitably qualified person and reference to DSM5. He cannot be diagnosed on a single he said/she said discussion. Edited June 22, 2021 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 16 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: I’m in my 30s. I hadn’t moved out before. I’m talking about the tools to get a job. I didn’t know where to go to for help- I applied to the usual agencies but they’re utterly useless and a waste of time. Most people get the tools to work by going (to school - even a high school diploma and even without one) to work and getting experience. Your parents can't do YOUR JOB for YOU. You have to get to work and learn on the job. I agree you need to go in the military to learn discipline and learn how to be a responsible adult. Let the baby's father handle the parenting until you return. You'd better sign up soon before you get too old. Learning to work comes naturally just like making a baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 23 minutes ago, basil67 said: Psychopathy cannot be diagnosed without a full mental health evaluation by a suitably qualified person and reference to DSM5. He cannot be diagnosed on a single he said/she said discussion. I’d still bet money that he has a cluster B personality disorder/ narcissism. I’m certain of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane2 Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 Back story- my husband and I are 34 with a 7year old and a 6 month old. The 7 year old was unplanned and we live with my in laws. My father made huge promises of having meetings with my in laws and selling his vintage car if we needed help. Later he lies and gaslights us on these promises. I want to cut him off but CPS wants meat my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Sugarkane2 said: . I want to cut him off but CPS wants meat my parents. Why is CPS involved? Do you have custody of your children? Are either you or thier father working? Why do you live with his parents? Replied to your identical question from your other username thread: Edited October 9, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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