Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 So I matched with a guy on tinder 6 weeks ago… 2 weeks after chatting ever day we met up and from then it was a whirlwind! Saw each other every weekend for 4 weeks! He made it clear he didn’t want anything serious from day one but I thought that may change! So last Sunday he left mine and since then no txts hardly ! He replies 2 days later and his last message was …. Sorry I’ve been quiet sometimes I need time out!!! I’m really gutted and feel kinda lost as it happened so quick! He told me he had bad anxiety from day one after a relationship 2 years ago!! So is it over? Is he taking time out to think ? So confused :( Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 7 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: He made it clear he didn’t want anything serious from day one but I thought that may change! Sorry this happened . Too much too soon. Step way back. If someone is clear on 'casual only' and you prefer exclusive dating, walk away. You both had a lot of fun but he spelled out the expiration date upfront. It's disappointing, but like an amusement park ride, these types of whirlwind things come to an end. Pace yourself if you are looking to build a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 So I met this guy on a dating app 6 weeks ago! Txted and phoned constantly! He lives near me so one night we met and was amazing! For the last 4 weekends we have been together and had so much fun and last Sunday he left mine and be so distant since! No txts hardly! I know he has anxiety from a last relationship 2 years ago! He also told me in the beginning he wasn’t ready for a relationship etc!! So his last txt was sorry I’ve been quiet but I need time out sometimes ! This is the first weekend I havnt seen him! I feel lost I think I was falling!! what’s ur opinions pls? Is he letting me down gently? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 I know I shouldn’t have caught feelings but I did! You think he is letting me down gently as he has picked up I’m getting feelings? I’ve tried to be casual though not made it obvious how I’m feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 21 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: He also told me in the beginning he wasn’t ready for a relationship etc!! So his last txt was sorry I’ve been quiet but I need time out sometimes ! He's already told you! Maybe he'll come back round, who knows but I wouldn't hang around waiting. Whatever you do, don't go chasing after him though. Just let him be. When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I’ve tried to be casual though not made it obvious how I’m feeling! Be true to yourself or you'll be even more hurt. You're hoping he changes and that never ends well. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 2 minutes ago, Saracena said: He's already told you! Maybe he'll come back round, who knows but I wouldn't hang around waiting. Whatever you do, don't go chasing after him though. Just let him be. When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him! Plus 1 on this. At least you haven’t done anything crazy obsessive to chase him away , so well done. The best thing you can do right now is not chase. The hardest part of seeing someone new is navigating the push/pull. You’re missing him now because you haven’t seen him and he’s pulled away and said he’s not looking for anything. (Giving you fear of loss) Give him space and maybe he will end up missing you. Maybe not. Either way , just letting him be will tell you everything you need to know, and hopefully the space to reflect will help you to guard your heart just a little longer. I agree tho that if a guy says he’s not looking for anything then you should take that on board. if I was you I would pull back further than him and let him make the next move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 9 minutes ago, Saracena said: He's already told you! Maybe he'll come back round, who knows but I wouldn't hang around waiting. Whatever you do, don't go chasing after him though. Just let him be. When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him! Thanks for the reply I’m defo not chasing him I’ll let him be now! I get too attached too soon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 1 minute ago, Fox Sake said: Plus 1 on this. At least you haven’t done anything crazy obsessive to chase him away , so well done. The best thing you can do right now is not chase. The hardest part of seeing someone new is navigating the push/pull. You’re missing him now because you haven’t seen him and he’s pulled away and said he’s not looking for anything. (Giving you fear of loss) Give him space and maybe he will end up missing you. Maybe not. Either way , just letting him be will tell you everything you need to know, and hopefully the space to reflect will help you to guard your heart just a little longer. I agree tho that if a guy says he’s not looking for anything then you should take that on board. if I was you I would pull back further than him and let him make the next move. Thank you he messaged saying sorry for being quiet and that he needed time out … I responded “you don’t need to apologise , it’s ok I get it” and I’ve left it at that! I really like this guy he lives literally down the road from me too! He was so lovely! Always touchy feely and massaging me and made me feel on top of the world!! He openly said he has bad anxiety though and sees a councillor etc! I’ll just have to try and heal! Just thankful it’s only been 4 week and not 4 months!! X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 1 minute ago, Emmajackson said: Thank you he messaged saying sorry for being quiet and that he needed time out … I responded “you don’t need to apologise , it’s ok I get it” and I’ve left it at that! I really like this guy he lives literally down the road from me too! He was so lovely! Always touchy feely and massaging me and made me feel on top of the world!! He openly said he has bad anxiety though and sees a councillor etc! I’ll just have to try and heal! Just thankful it’s only been 4 week and not 4 months!! X Well done you! That’s very emotionally mature and perceptive of you. You know how to navigate all this already ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 Us men are very simple. Most of the time we can decide straight away whether a woman has the potential for something serious, or whether she's going to be stuck in the 'casual' pile forever. He told you exactly where he put you, from day 1 as you put it. That was never going to change. In future if you are looking for a serious relationship, do not even talk to anyone that tells you they don't want anything serious. Spend a bit more time getting to know them before getting intimate. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said: Us men are very simple. Most of the time we can decide straight away whether a woman has the potential for something serious, or whether she's going to be stuck in the 'casual' pile forever. He told you exactly where he put you, from day 1 as you put it. That was never going to change. In future if you are looking for a serious relationship, do not even talk to anyone that tells you they don't want anything serious. Spend a bit more time getting to know them before getting intimate. I get that but he seemed very keen! We went on trips out together etc it wasn’t just sex. I think I might just give up on dating 🤣🤣🤣 he was the one initiating seeing me etc and phoning me etc!! He said he didn’t know what he wanted and I know he is scared of relationships because of his ex! I’ll just have to let it be I guess and hope he finds what he is looking for! He did tell me he was seeing a girl for a few month n she got attached and said she loved him so he had to end it!! I shouldn’t have got involved knowing how fragile my heart is 🤣🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 He was clear from the beginning he didn't want anything serious. Don't ever go into a dating situation "hoping the person will change." It would be a good idea to really listen to what they are telling you from the beginning, and if it's not what you want then don't get invested. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 I could have gone with casual it was fun and exciting and now it’s all over just like that! Not sure I wanted serious but I liked the fun we had !! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 3 hours ago, Emmajackson said: I get that but he seemed very keen! We went on trips out together etc it wasn’t just sex. I think I might just give up on dating 🤣🤣🤣 he was the one initiating seeing me etc and phoning me etc!! He said he didn’t know what he wanted and I know he is scared of relationships because of his ex! I’ll just have to let it be I guess and hope he finds what he is looking for! He did tell me he was seeing a girl for a few month n she got attached and said she loved him so he had to end it!! I shouldn’t have got involved knowing how fragile my heart is 🤣🤣 Someone who cares about others as much as he does for himself would have taken more time to figure things out, tried therapy, sought answers for his fears. He would not feed you lines like "scared of relationships" or engage with others knowing it could lead to more. It was one red flag after another, even after he told you he "didn't want anything serious". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 29 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I could have gone with casual it was fun and exciting and now it’s all over just like that! Not sure I wanted serious but I liked the fun we had !! That's the difficulty. I think you ought figure out what you want the outcomes of your dating interactions to be, or at least which direction you'd like to see it go in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 Just now, Alpaca said: That's the difficulty. I think you ought figure out what you want the outcomes of your dating interactions to be, or at least which direction you'd like to see it go in. I know I think I’m gunna take a break! I’ve only been single after a long term relationship , for 5 months! Maybe I have attachment issues due to the break up ! All I know is I liked him a bloody lot and his company I give up on dating ! Not worth the hurt 😂😂😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I know I think I’m gunna take a break! I’ve only been single after a long term relationship , for 5 months! Maybe I have attachment issues due to the break up ! All I know is I liked him a bloody lot and his company I give up on dating ! Not worth the hurt 😂😂😂 You're just out of a long-term relationship, so be gentle with yourself. You are newly out of a long-term relationship, so I assume this "may" be more about soothing your post-breakup angst than it is about your interest in the new person. Edited November 27, 2021 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 5 hours ago, Emmajackson said: He made it clear he didn’t want anything serious from day one but I thought that may change! This was where you made your mistake. Believe men when they tell you this. Don't date or have sex with them hoping to change their mind. Accept them as they are and if what they don't want isn't compatible with what you need do not get involved. You will never be able to change their minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 4 hours ago, Emmajackson said: I get that but he seemed very keen! We went on trips out together etc it wasn’t just sex. I think I might just give up on dating 🤣🤣🤣 he was the one initiating seeing me etc and phoning me etc!! He said he didn’t know what he wanted and I know he is scared of relationships because of his ex! I’ll just have to let it be I guess and hope he finds what he is looking for! He did tell me he was seeing a girl for a few month n she got attached and said she loved him so he had to end it!! I shouldn’t have got involved knowing how fragile my heart is 🤣🤣 Of course a guy is going to be keen on getting together, having fun and sex even if he doesn't want a commitment. He is human after all and has needs. However that doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Whether that is because he's not over his ex or hasn't met the girl of his dreams yet, doesn't matter; he told you he didn't want anything serious and you should conclude he means with you. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) If a guy is upfront with his intentions, says he doesn't want anything serious, you should be very thankful that he's not misleading you to get what he wants. Having done this myself though, I know that it's a futile effort. Long time ago I remember telling someone that I was dating that I didn't want anything serious, and 6 months later she was still angry when I was consistent with those words. I think like you, she thought I would change my mind. Once anyone (men or women) gets an attachment to someone else logic goes out of the window, so the best thing is to just keep your distance or don't date him at all if you feel yourself getting attached. Edited November 27, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: If a guy is upfront with his intentions, says he doesn't want anything serious, you should be very thankful that he's not misleading you to get what he wants. Having done this myself though, I know that it's a futile effort. Long time ago I remember telling someone that I was dating that I didn't want anything serious, and 6 months later she was still angry when I was consistent with those words. I think like you, she thought I would change my mind. Once anyone (men or women) gets an attachment to someone else logic goes out of the window, so the best thing is to just keep your distance or don't date him at all if you feel yourself getting attached. I know I thought I was ok but now he has gone quiet I miss him like crazy!! I just wish he would have been honest and said I think it’s going too serious we need to cool it down etc instead of just cutting contact etc! I’ve kept my cool etc and not mithered etc! I want to txt but I need to back right away and see if he gets back in touch! Maybe he is seeing what my response is or maybe talking to someone else who knows !! Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) Sorry you are hurt, but I think it's pretty clear this was a fling, and he made that clear from the outset. That's about the best one could reasonably expect from Tinder anyhow, from what I understand. You can't make him "want more" or be more sensitive about your feelings (if he's even aware you have them). I do agree ghosting is pretty obnoxious, though. Maybe try one of the dating sites that's geared more towards LTRs if that's what you're looking for. As for this guy, I think you're going to have to let him go. Edited November 27, 2021 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 8 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Sorry you are hurt, but I think it's pretty clear this was a fling, and he made that clear from the outset. That's about the best one could reasonably expect from Tinder anyhow, from what I understand. You can't make him "want more" or be more sensitive about your feelings (if he's even aware you have them). I do agree ghosting is pretty obnoxious, though. Maybe try one of the dating sites that's geared more towards LTRs if that's what you're looking for. As for this guy, I think you're going to have to let him go. I think I’ll just give up! I’m obviously not thick skinned enough for this online dating malarkey 🤣🤣 too sensitive to rejection, so it seems 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I think I’ll just give up! I’m obviously not thick skinned enough for this online dating malarkey 🤣🤣 too sensitive to rejection, so it seems So take a break. Excessive self-deprecation isn't really helpful because it's just putting yourself down. Edited November 27, 2021 by Alpaca 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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