stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 44 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I know I thought I was ok but now he has gone quiet I miss him like crazy!! I just wish he would have been honest and said I think it’s going too serious we need to cool it down etc instead of just cutting contact etc! I’ve kept my cool etc and not mithered etc! I want to txt but I need to back right away and see if he gets back in touch! Maybe he is seeing what my response is or maybe talking to someone else who knows !! No you need to back away and get over this guy. Even if he told you "hey it's getting too serious for me" that wouldn't stop your feelings from growing for him. There is no way to trick him into liking you more. You want something serious with him but he does not with you. You need a guy who wants you the way you want him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 43 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I know I thought I was ok but now he has gone quiet I miss him like crazy!! I just wish he would have been honest and said I think it’s going too serious we need to cool it down etc instead of just cutting contact etc! I’ve kept my cool etc and not mithered etc! I want to txt but I need to back right away and see if he gets back in touch! Maybe he is seeing what my response is or maybe talking to someone else who knows !! To be fair, he did say he wasn't looking for something serious. He might have sensed that you were catching feelings and backed away. Getting ghosted does suck. It happens quite often in this day and age when we text to communicate. If you are looking for an actual relationship, don't see someone that says they don't want anything serious. Sometimes, it might be helpful to do an inventory before you start dating to clarify what exactly you're looking for. Especially if you've just ended a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 38 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I think I’ll just give up! I’m obviously not thick skinned enough for this online dating malarkey 🤣🤣 too sensitive to rejection, so it seems Don't use sites like Tinder if you want something serious. Do this below: 48 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Maybe try one of the dating sites that's geared more towards LTRs if that's what you're looking for. As for this guy, I think you're going to have to let him go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, BC1980 said: To be fair, he did say he wasn't looking for something serious. He might have sensed that you were catching feelings and backed away. Getting ghosted does suck. It happens quite often in this day and age when we text to communicate. If you are looking for an actual relationship, don't see someone that says they don't want anything serious. Sometimes, it might be helpful to do an inventory before you start dating to clarify what exactly you're looking for. Especially if you've just ended a relationship. But he was coming to mine all the time and not just for sex! Cuddles and kisses and we went out to Blackpool and held hands and kissed etc! Everything romantic so u get why I kinda thought it was becoming more etc! I guess it’s a case of wanting what I can’t have isn’t it! Love and learn I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 58 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I just wish he would have been honest He was honest. You wouldn't listen. It's a slight disappoint. You'll be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 13 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: Cuddles and kisses and we went out to Blackpool and held hands and kissed etc! As said before he is human and needs human touch. Does not mean he wants an exclusive girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Fade Away Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Emmajackson said: He made it clear he didn’t want anything serious from day one but I thought that may change! I am curious what made you think that may change? That is a serious question by the way. Something I have learned over the years is when men come on that fast and strong the way he did, they're OUT just as fast. There are always exceptions but I would have viewed all that attention and keenness as a red flag and NOT gone along with his whirlwind agenda. Maintained my boundaries and sense of independence. He may have stuck around longer, but who knows. Reason I say this is because you said he suffers from extreme anxiety, sounds like the man moved so fast, he ended up scaring himself! And bolted to relieve anxiety. It's not uncommon. In any case sorry this happened. Like you said, live and learn. Edited November 27, 2021 by Girl Fade Away Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: I am curious what made you think that may change? That is a serious question by the way. Something I have learned over the years is when men come on that fast and strong the way he did, they're OUT just as fast. There are always exceptions but I would have viewed all that attention and keenness as a red flag and NOT gone along with his whirlwind agenda. Maintained my boundaries and sense of independence. He may have stuck around longer, but who knows. Reason I say this is because you said he suffers from extreme anxiety, sounds like the man scared himself! It's not uncommon. In any case sorry this happened. Like you said, live and learn. I’m new to the dating game having come out of a long term relationship ! It was just fun at first but then seeing him every weekend and cuddling etc made me think something more could happen!! Obviously I’ve let me heart get the better of me as per usual!! He has been single 2 years and obv is more used to the game and how it works! I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character as a rule hit obviously not! My own fault for being too soft and falling so quickly ! Gunna take me a while to get over this one but never again will I allow this to happen! Xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 7 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: I am curious what made you think that may change? That is a serious question by the way. Something I have learned over the years is when men come on that fast and strong the way he did, they're OUT just as fast. There are always exceptions but I would have viewed all that attention and keenness as a red flag and NOT gone along with his whirlwind agenda. Maintained my boundaries and sense of independence. He may have stuck around longer, but who knows. Reason I say this is because you said he suffers from extreme anxiety, sounds like the man scared himself! It's not uncommon. In any case sorry this happened. Like you said, live and learn. I mean sometimes he came over and we just cuddles and didn’t even have sex! I don’t get why he would do that if I was just sex he wanted!!! I do think your right and he saw it was getting full on, on both our parts and panicked! He lives 2 mins down the road from me weirdly so it’s so hard knowing he is so close! I shall keep my respect and stay away! But on the off chance he does message me again I hope I can be strong ! Xx Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 3 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I mean sometimes he came over and we just cuddles and didn’t even have sex! I don’t get why he would do that if I was just sex he wanted!!! I already told you why and the fact that you only live 2 minutes away makes you very conveinient. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Fade Away Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: I mean sometimes he came over and we just cuddles and didn’t even have sex! I don’t get why he would do that if I was just sex he wanted!!! I do think your right and he saw it was getting full on, on both our parts and panicked! He lives 2 mins down the road from me weirdly so it’s so hard knowing he is so close! I shall keep my respect and stay away! But on the off chance he does message me again I hope I can be strong ! Xx I do not think he wanted 'just sex.' But it moved too fast. Okay HE was the one who pushed it, but nonetheless like I said his anxiety got the best of him and he had to bolt to relieve it. Sounds like he is very aware of his anxiety and pattern of running which is why he forewarned you of his anxiety in relationships and that he was not looking for anything serious. Next time, pay attention and stay grounded. Maintain your own boundaries and do NOT get all caught up in his whirlwind agenda. I think he WILL be back so stay strong and again maintain your own boundaries. Edited November 27, 2021 by Girl Fade Away Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 Just now, Girl Fade Away said: I do not think he wanted 'just sex.' But it moved too fast. Okay HE was the one who pushed it, but nonetheless like I said his anxiety got the best of him and he had to bolt to relieve it. Sounds like he is very aware of his anxiety and pattern of running which is why he forewarned you he was not looking for anything serious. Yes I do agree he did talk a lot about his anxiety issues so everything you say makes complete sense !! Just a shame it only lasted 4 weeks when it was so lovely to be fair he told me he was seeing a girl for 3 months and she said she loved him and it was getting full on and he ended it! Obviously this was his way of telling me how his head works but I didn’t listen did I could kick myself lol Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 8 hours ago, Emmajackson said: He replies 2 days later and his last message was …. Sorry I’ve been quiet sometimes I need time out!!! Try not to panic. Give him space. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 27, 2021 Author Share Posted November 27, 2021 I’m sorry I sound like a crazy woman ! I have bad anxiety as well ! Sorry to go on I just a little confused and lost! I need to toughen up! Thanks so much for the advice x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 This is all fairly straightforward. You gave him your “Golden Kitten” for free after he stated that he did not want to be in a relationship. It was pretty much game over at that point, at least, in this case. That was a glaring red flag. You also need to get clear about what you want from dating and be especially careful because you are still fresh out of a long-term relationship. Sometimes what you seek, is seeking you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 8 hours ago, Emmajackson said: He made it clear he didn’t want anything serious from day one but I thought that may change! I think you are wanting a guy who is emotionally available. When a guy tells you this^they are emtionally unavailable but most times are sexually available. Next time a guy tells you the bolded above just exit on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 28, 2021 Author Share Posted November 28, 2021 So … I joined bumble and he clicked on wants to meet me on my profile … what’s that about? 🤣🤣🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 17 hours ago, Emmajackson said: I think I’ll just give up! You're being too extreme. He told you from the beginning he didn't want anything serious. You need to believe that when you hear it, and steer clear rather than hoping they'll change their minds. You just need to do a better job filtering out poor dating candidates. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 2 hours ago, Emmajackson said: So … I joined bumble and he clicked on wants to meet me on my profile … what’s that about? 🤣🤣🤣 Meh, ignore this. He either doesn't realize it's you (if your pic looks different or some such thing) or he's just clicking on tons of profiles and isn't paying much attention. You already know he isnìt interested in dating you, so there's nothing more to analyze here. Head high and leave him behind you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 28, 2021 Author Share Posted November 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Meh, ignore this. He either doesn't realize it's you (if your pic looks different or some such thing) or he's just clicking on tons of profiles and isn't paying much attention. You already know he isnìt interested in dating you, so there's nothing more to analyze here. Head high and leave him behind you. He is messaging me on there now saying about meeting up sometime blah blah and loads of kisses on the messages! Men r so confusing 🤣🤣🤣 xx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: He is messaging me on there now saying about meeting up sometime blah blah and loads of kisses on the messages! Men r so confusing 🤣🤣🤣 xx Not really. Men who are serious and want a relationship don't behave this way. But this guy is not one of those men. He's been clear he wants casual. He's just messing around with you. If you don't want to get hurt again, stop communicating with him. Edited November 28, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: He is messaging me on there now saying about meeting up sometime Wait. You're going backwards? Going from hooking up to messaging on dating apps? Don't stalk or chase him. He already told you he needs some breathing room. Why message him on there when he asked for space? You're on the rebound and that's ok but try to decide what you actually want out of dating or it will be a confusing mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 28, 2021 Author Share Posted November 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Wait. You're going backwards? Going from hooking up to messaging on dating apps? Don't stalk or chase him. He already told you he needs some breathing room. Why message him on there when he asked for space? You're on the rebound and that's ok but try to decide what you actually want out of dating or it will be a confusing mess. He has been messaging me flirting ! Asking to meet up sometime etc !! So I’ve got to decide whether to keep it casual etc with him or just not bother Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 8 minutes ago, Emmajackson said: Asking to meet up sometime etc Does he know it's you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmajackson Posted November 28, 2021 Author Share Posted November 28, 2021 Yes Of course he does lol it’s my pictures that he has always seen. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts