Can you help me?

[Rowetr55]

So ive been in a few really bad relationships where people cheat and lie and dont wanna be a real partner. Ive had good relationships where those things werent as prevalent.  

This girl im with now, weve been together for 8 months, weve adopted animals and bought a house together, to escape from our families mostly but also to always be together.

From the time she was 14, to right before we met, this girl was on snapchat, facebook, dating apps, xbox live, she has so many people shes sent nudes to or had video calls with or been "in a relationship" with, theres just so many people who know her in that way that bothers me to know others know her like. She hasnt had sex with all of them but still has a decently high body count. 

And shes trying to change. Because she wants to be a better person. And she says its for me. Which i love and am so proud of her for all of her progress. But theres still some things that bug me.

Randos hitting her up on facebook and snapchat and xbox and stuff all the time and most of them come at her like "i wish you were single" or "i remember you, its hard to forget" and stuff like that. And shes doesnt exactly become seduced by them but she doesnt tell them no either sometimes. 

And she keeps, talking. to them.

And weve had issues over a few of these people and weve gotten over it but.. i just dont know what to do or feel. Im so insecure and broken inside because of so much stress lately that this stress, as well,  isnt helping me. We live together and sleep together and she seems happy and she makes me happy.. but i just cant get rid of that little voice telling me to watch everything. Check everywhere. Question all. 

Any advice?

Edited November 30, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[salparadise]

50 minutes ago, Rowetr55 said:

Well she has a history of being a ho. And i mean like bad, from the time she was 14, to right before we met

This is the choice you made. You know a leopard doesn't change its spots, and you're seeing evidence of that. Yet you somehow believe that she's going to become a dutiful, demure wifey type for you, because that's what you wish? All I can say is fasten your seatbelt because you're in for a wild and crazy ride. 

 

56 minutes ago, Rowetr55 said:

but i just cant get rid of that little voice telling me to watch everything. Check everywhere. Question all. Any advice?

Keep you finances separate, and a bag packed.

[ShyViolet]

You bought a house together with someone you've been dating for 8 months?  You can't be serious?

[glows]

I saw two separate issues in what you wrote: she continues to talk to these individuals with little to no boundaries, doesn't stop the conversation or ignore them and second, you have ongoing stress from other issues, not from your relationship. 

Best to resolve whatever is going on with you first as that may temper your annoyance and irritation with her, also put things in perspective if you feel insecure. The better you feel about yourself and your life, the more it'll balance your perspective in relationships too. 

Regarding your relationship, when you're in a clearer frame of mind you'll have to decide whether you'd rather be with someone who has little to no boundaries. Boundaries are critical imo. It sets limits, precedents and establishes trust in a relationship. If you don't have boundaries and trust, it's all shaky ground. 

[smackie9]

Women get hit on, and that is something that cannot always be controlled. She's still human, and probably likes the attention, BUT if she's not flirting with them, but is diverting the conversation to something else, not reaching out to these people, then you are just going to have to put this aside for awhile, because in time these people will go away. It's all about adjusting to a relationship. Eventually things will change as your relationship grows.

[kendahke]

On 11/29/2021 at 3:47 AM, Rowetr55 said:

And shes trying to change. Because she wants to be a better person. And she says its for me.

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Randos hitting her up on facebook and snapchat and xbox and stuff all the time she doesnt tell them no either sometimes. 

And she keeps, talking. to them.

She should be changing because it's best for herself, not for you.  What she will change for you is to not make it so obvious that she's entertaining the attention from these men--she'll hide it more in order to keep you quiet.

You're going to have to find a way to be quiet and content with her while randos are contacting her and trying to groom her into leaving  you if you insist upon staying with her. 

Also, buying a house with someone you've known less than a year isn't a good idea.

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She hasnt had sex with all of them

that would have read better if it said "she hasn't had sex with ANY of them..." 

My dude, you know who you've got. Make sure the BC is as 100%  as it can reasonably be.

Edited December 2, 2021 by kendahke