10+ months NC with xMM

[BlindsidedTwice]

I thought approaching a year of NC would feel sad and nostalgic but mostly I feel excited and ready to hit this anniversary! I never thought I’d get to this point. I’ve known my xAP for 20 years, our EA/PA lasted 3+ years, and then our breakup lasted almost 2 years... It seemed impossible to shut him out of my life. But then I did.

Therapy + strict NC are the keys!!

The first 6 months were very difficult. I cried a lot and begged the universe for an easier out. Around 8 months, someone here on LS made a comment to me that made me feel defensive for not blocking him. And then I thought.... why am I so defensive? Why have I not blocked him?? What am I doing leaving this door even a little bit open??? So at 8 months, I blocked him. The past 2+ months with him blocked have truly felt like freedom. He can’t bother me. He can’t text me and screw with my emotions. He can’t convince me to love him and then dump me, again. No. That door is shut. My family is my priority over anything or anyone else. 

I do still frequent LS, as I have made a couple of friends here and honestly, I am not over my affair itself. I’m not over the destruction I did to my self esteem and to my marriage. I still walk around with a lot of shame. But I will say... I am over the MM himself. I was deep in the fog. He is no prize. Sometimes I laugh [silently but inappropriately] about how infatuated I was with him. Wow. 

Affairs are so horribly destructive. Any “love” felt in an affair is clouded by extreme deceit and dishonesty. Just my two cents.

 

I posted here today mostly to vent/write it out, for encouragement to keep going, and to give encouragement to anyone else trying to end or move past an affair. Keep moving. Find the right path and stay on it. I promise promise promise, it gets better. ❤️

[Myabee]

4 minutes ago, BlindsidedTwice said:

I thought approaching a year of NC would feel sad and nostalgic but mostly I feel excited and ready to hit this anniversary! I never thought I’d get to this point. I’ve known my xAP for 20 years, our EA/PA lasted 3+ years, and then our breakup lasted almost 2 years... It seemed impossible to shut him out of my life. But then I did.

Therapy + strict NC are the keys!!

The first 6 months were very difficult. I cried a lot and begged the universe for an easier out. Around 8 months, someone here on LS made a comment to me that made me feel defensive for not blocking him. And then I thought.... why am I so defensive? Why have I not blocked him?? What am I doing leaving this door even a little bit open??? So at 8 months, I blocked him. The past 2+ months with him blocked have truly felt like freedom. He can’t bother me. He can’t text me and screw with my emotions. He can’t convince me to love him and then dump me, again. No. That door is shut. My family is my priority over anything or anyone else. 

I do still frequent LS, as I have made a couple of friends here and honestly, I am not over my affair itself. I’m not over the destruction I did to my self esteem and to my marriage. I still walk around with a lot of shame. But I will say... I am over the MM himself. I was deep in the fog. He is no prize. Sometimes I laugh [silently but inappropriately] about how infatuated I was with him. Wow. 

Affairs are so horribly destructive. Any “love” felt in an affair is clouded by extreme deceit and dishonesty. Just my two cents.

 

I posted here today mostly to vent/write it out, for encouragement to keep going, and to give encouragement to anyone else trying to end or move past an affair. Keep moving. Find the right path and stay on it. I promise promise promise, it gets better. ❤️

Wohoo! Good for you! Keep working on the pieces of destruction to build yourself back up. I feel that is going to be huge for me. This is so inspiring and serves as an example that hope does exist in scenarios as painful as this. Thank you for putting yourself out there to share from your heart! ❤️

[kaylasummer]

I can so relate. 6 months here. I wish I could fast forward a year and get through this heartbreak. I don’t feel I can move on at this point. I’ve tried to date and think of xMM the entire time. I also left my marriage while in the EA, prior to our two year PA. He was the one. I can’t imagine ever finding that again. No advice, but I hear you. 

[BlindsidedTwice]

On 11/29/2021 at 5:05 PM, kaylasummer said:

I can so relate. 6 months here. I wish I could fast forward a year and get through this heartbreak.

I understand. I really struggled around the 6 month mark. Keep pushing through Kayla. You did the right thing and you know it. Move forward. Work on yourself. Build up your self esteem and your confidence. You won’t always feel so low. ❤️

[kaylasummer]

Thank you.

[Dakakakka]

22 hours ago, BlindsidedTwice said:

I understand. I really struggled around the 6 month mark. Keep pushing through Kayla. You did the right thing and you know it. Move forward. Work on yourself. Build up your self esteem and your confidence. You won’t always feel so low. ❤️

Did your husband know of your affair? 

[Theeisor]

Good for you and congratulations! It is not easy! I’m almost 90 days no contact and I can’t wait to say that I’m over him.
 

One day, I will 💪🏼

[Myabee]

On 11/29/2021 at 5:05 PM, kaylasummer said:

I can so relate. 6 months here. I wish I could fast forward a year and get through this heartbreak. I don’t feel I can move on at this point. I’ve tried to date and think of xMM the entire time. I also left my marriage while in the EA, prior to our two year PA. He was the one. I can’t imagine ever finding that again. No advice, but I hear you. 

Can I ask you did your AP close it off... or leave it open ended? 

[kaylasummer]

13 hours ago, Myabee said:

Can I ask you did your AP close it off... or leave it open ended? 

I walked away after a hard Dday, him leaving his wife, lots of drama (W contacting me asking that I walk away from him as that was her only chance at getting her family back), etc. It was the hardest thing I ever did (walking away from him). I was head over heels in love with him for almost 3 1/2 years at that point ( 1 1/2 year EA and 2 year PA). I felt that was the "right" thing for his family, but completely broke my own heart. I had to go NC to try to get over it, but that didn't work. It was like stopping an addiction cold turkey and going through the hardest heartbreak imaginable. I went NC for over six months until I ran in to him Friday. There's so much drama, I could literally write a book. I know I need to stay away from him..at least until he is divorced, but finding it difficult again after seeing him.