Is a 27 year male dating a 18 year old female okay?

[Johnny27]

Good day. I am a 27 year old male and started talking to a 18 year old female just over a week ago. I met her on a online dating app and just started a casual conversation with her to learn more about who she is. I was intrigued by her interests, goals, and experiences (and was very attracted to her physically) so I asked her if she would like to go on a date a few days ago. She agreed, I picked her up yesterday and we went to a restaurant. I was very apprehensive about how the date would go given the age gap, but to my surprise, she seemed very mature, intuitive, and has had some very unique life experiences. Additionally, she also has ambitious goals and hopes to eventually have the same profession I do. We went to my apartment after the date and had sex which was really nice. Afterwards, I drove her home. She still lives with her parents which I don't judge since I lived at home too until I was completely done with college/grad school. I know it's only been one date, but in spite of the age gap I think we have a lot in common and could have potential as far as a relationship. I am just concerned that my family/society would not accept us being this far apart in age and don't know how to proceed with something like this since I've never been on a date with anyone more than 3 years younger than me. I really like who she is right now, but I also realize that she will likely change a lot as far as her personality is concerned over the next few years since she hasn't even finished her first semester of college yet. If anyone has any experience or could offer some advice on how acceptable/practical a relationship like this would be, I would be very thankful. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Johnny27

[ExpatInItaly]

From an ethical standpoint, you're both consenting adults so there's no issue there. 

However, there is inherently a gap in life experience. She might be mature for her age, but she's still only a teenager. There's a lot she hasn't experienced yet, and a lot of growing and maturing yet to be done. Trying to make a relationship work when you're at such different points in your life could prove challenging, so I would advise you to keep that in mind moving forward. 

[glows]

8 minutes ago, Johnny27 said:

Additionally, she also has ambitious goals and hopes to eventually have the same profession I do. 

There is always the wait and see approach. A lot of her attraction for you may be this (above) which may or may not wane over time. I would jokingly ask to see some ID if I were you but I suppose it's too late if you've already had sex. 

If you're looking for some perspective on the other side (younger dating older), I can only speak for myself. After a short period I got tired of the person I was dating as he seemed stuck in his career and life. He was either confused regularly or confusing. He was probably attracted to me, as an older male, because of personal reasons of his at the time which I won't get into. Overall, we wouldn't have gotten along. I get along best with partners who are at similar age and stage of life as me. 

 

[JRabbit]

I find it a bit icky myself, I honestly can not imagine an 18 year old being as mature as a 27 year old, but I guess it depends on everyones maturity levels.  It sounds like you envision a future already with her, but be careful there. At 18 her life is just starting, and she will be exploring many options over the next few years.  Judging by your first date, she isn't that new either.  At 18 meeting up and sleeping with someone on the first date you meet is a bit of  a red flag.  

[Johnny27]

28 minutes ago, glows said:

There is always the wait and see approach. A lot of her attraction for you may be this (above) which may or may not wane over time. I would jokingly ask to see some ID if I were you but I suppose it's too late if you've already had sex. 

If you're looking for some perspective on the other side (younger dating older), I can only speak for myself. After a short period I got tired of the person I was dating as he seemed stuck in his career and life. He was either confused regularly or confusing. He was probably attracted to me, as an older male, because of personal reasons of his at the time which I won't get into. Overall, we wouldn't have gotten along. I get along best with partners who are at similar age and stage of life as me. 

 

I actually thought about the issue of ID and the possibility of her lying to me. I didn't want to completely kill the vibe or look creepy by asking her to show me something like that, so I instead asked her some specific questions on the date about her experience applying to college and what her schedule is like for next term (things that would be hard to fabricate on the spot). I ultimately gave her the benefit of the doubt based her responses and really don't think she is lying about her age/identity. I also knew that even if I had asked to see an ID, she could have easily just pulled out a fake as most people in my generation have one nowadays so it wouldn't have even "proven" anything. 

In spite of her age though, she has nearly as much dating experience as I do. I waited to get into dating until I was done with college, as I never really had the time or emotional energy to devote to it. In hindsight I regret waiting this long, but it is what it is now. We talked a lot about our past relationships last night and it seems like she is not naive at all and has a good understanding of what she wants. 

I really appreciate your own anecdote and I think your experience could likely be the way a relationship like this would pan out. I may need to move anyway next year for work anyway, but I don't see any harm in exploring this so long as being intimate with someone this young isn't totally creepy or socially unacceptable. 

 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Johnny27

[Sgthaytham]

41 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

I find it a bit icky myself, I honestly can not imagine an 18 year old being as mature as a 27 year old, but I guess it depends on everyones maturity levels.  It sounds like you envision a future already with her, but be careful there. At 18 her life is just starting, and she will be exploring many options over the next few years.  Judging by your first date, she isn't that new either.  At 18 meeting up and sleeping with someone on the first date you meet is a bit of  a red flag.  

A red flag? what a load of nonsense  

Have you considered that their date went really well, good chemistry, fun, good banter?

 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Johnny27 said:

She still lives with her parents which I don't judge 

Do they know about you? Did you mention moving for work? As long as you're not seeking to take advantage of her naivety, it's fine. Be upfront. 

[Johnny27]

39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do they know about you? Did you mention moving for work? As long as you're not seeking to take advantage of her naivety, it's fine. Be upfront. 

Her parents? No they don't know about me nor would I expect them to before/after a first date. Though I think she did mention to me that she told her parents she was going out on a date yesterday as they asked her what her plans were when they saw her getting ready. And yes I mentioned the possibility of moving. But I don't think it is likely to happen as I am trying to stay locally and will probably be able to so. 

I am sincere in saying I don't want to take advantage of her in any way. I honestly didn't think I would end up in bed with her yesterday when I was going to meet her. I only brought her home yesterday because it felt natural to do so after the date and because she strongly signaled me to invite her when we were done eating. I really want her to be someone I can see as an equal who can offer me just much as I can offer her. Because of that, I really tried to not make our age difference the focus of our conversations and instead tried to direct them towards learning more about who she is as a person. We opened up to each other a lot yesterday and she was able to give me useful advice too on life which I really appreciated. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Johnny27

[dramafreezone]

Do what you want dude.  That is the legal age of consent.  If you connect with her go or you two have a good time together go for it.

If you ask people there will always be people that have a problem with a large gap in age.

Edited November 29, 2021 by dramafreezone

[glows]

2 hours ago, Johnny27 said:

I actually thought about the issue of ID and the possibility of her lying to me. I didn't want to completely kill the vibe or look creepy by asking her to show me something like that, so I instead asked her some specific questions on the date about her experience applying to college and what her schedule is like for next term (things that would be hard to fabricate on the spot). I ultimately gave her the benefit of the doubt based her responses and really don't think she is lying about her age/identity. I also knew that even if I had asked to see an ID, she could have easily just pulled out a fake as most people in my generation have one nowadays so it wouldn't have even "proven" anything. 

In spite of her age though, she has nearly as much dating experience as I do. I waited to get into dating until I was done with college, as I never really had the time or emotional energy to devote to it. In hindsight I regret waiting this long, but it is what it is now. We talked a lot about our past relationships last night and it seems like she is not naive at all and has a good understanding of what she wants. 

I really appreciate your own anecdote and I think your experience could likely be the way a relationship like this would pan out. I may need to move anyway next year for work anyway, but I don't see any harm in exploring this so long as being intimate with someone this young isn't totally creepy or socially unacceptable. 

 

I'd be upfront about it if neither of you are looking for anything serious. Perhaps some of what's weighing on you is whether you've been intimate too quickly (too much too soon) and then suddenly realizing how ethical or socially acceptable it is considering maturity levels may be vastly dissimilar. Regardless of what she says or doesn't say, it's really your gut feeling you need to be listening to. I believe in the simple thought here: If I have to ask or I'm in doubt, this is probably not something I should be doing or not particularly what I want in the big picture. Then I let it go. 

Life is way too short for me to second guess myself or live in doubt or uncomfortable, any of the above. I want a partner and a romantic partner that is as sure as I am and for myself to have no doubts about. 

 

[smackie9]

 

I do understand why she doesn't have an issue with it because older guys have their own place, car, job and money. That's the only reason why she's willing to date you and not someone her own age.

This will be temporary. Eventually she will be out clubbing and leave you with your jealousy.

[Foxhall]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I do understand why she doesn't have an issue with it because older guys have their own place, car, job and money. That's the only reason why she's willing to date you and not someone her own age.

This will be temporary. Eventually she will be out clubbing and leave you with your jealousy.

lol I like that summary, insight of the female mind!

cant argue with it,

but op, you might get a few months out of it- enjoy her for now.

[spiderowl]

From my own memory of being 18, a 10-year age gap would have felt very wrong, unless I had met the guy somehow, got to know him and really liked him.  I suppose I might have dated him and fallen in love, but my dad would never have allowed me to while I was living at home.  Age gaps do not seem so significant with older people, because by then both have often had similar experience of life - in education, work, marriage perhaps, children.  At 18, she has little of this and is likely to be thinking in terms of further study or a career, maybe travelling (when she can).

However, you are both adults and it is up to you whether you feel right dating.  You sound very interested in her and in getting to know her as a person.  I can tell you are taking this seriously and want to do the right thing.  I think that may be a sign you are ready to settle down with one person and become more focused on a future together.  As she is 18, I think it is less likely she feel the same and that's where the difficulties might lie.

Some will think it's ok; others will think it's too big an age gap and not approve.  Some (guys in particular) will probably say 'yay, take what you can while you can, not many have that opportunity'. I don't agree with that myself as it is purely opportunistic.  I suspect it will work for a while and then the different goals and stages of life will start to become apparent. 

I hope it works out well for you and that you become good friends for life even if you do go your separate ways after a while.

Edited November 29, 2021 by spiderowl

[Hokuto]

Yes, this is a bad idea.

You have nothing in common

[Girl Fade Away]

Speaking personally, when I was 19, I became engaged to a 29 year old man.  I broke it because I felt stifled and wanted to travel which I did for the next year after graduating.  So my advice is enjoy it while it lasts.  I was never a club hopper or anything like that, and was always quite mature for my age.  But nonetheless, 18 is awfully young to be in tied down in a serious relationship.  So have fun and enjoy but I would not expect anything long term or serious to develop from it based on my own experience dating a man 10 years my senior while I myself was still technically a teenager.

[Johnny27]

29 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

 

I do understand why she doesn't have an issue with it because older guys have their own place, car, job and money. That's the only reason why she's willing to date you and not someone her own age.

This will be temporary. Eventually she will be out clubbing and leave you with your jealousy.

I thought that, but she actually offered to pay for dinner when we went out (I felt more comfortable treating her though) and seems very considerate. But of course I still barely know this person so maybe this is something I should be mindful of.  

As far as her liking the fact that I have my own car/place I don't think I can blame her for that. It really makes things a lot more convenient being able to drive and have a place where you can enjoy some privacy without roommates or other people interfering. 

I know the odds of this working out in the long term are low in a statistical sense for all the reasons that others have mentioned, so I will keep that in the back of my mind and try to not get too attached initially. Regardless, so long as it is not creepy for me to be in public with her, I think I will see her again and see where this goes. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Johnny27

[basil67]

Make sure she's on the same page as you.  

I spent some time with a guy your age when I was 18.   We had lots of fun, I liked that he was worldly than boys my own age, and we weren't concerned about being seen out in public together.  But then he got serious and wanted an actual relationship with me and I exited quickly.  Due to our age difference, I hadn't considered for a moment that this was anything more than a holiday fling.   

[Alpacalia]

There's nothing wrong with it, but at 18 years old, she needs life experience.

I've never dated considerably older men, but I've been in back-to-back long-term relationships from a young age till my late twenties and felt I lost out on a lot of things.

Even if you two engage into an exclusive relationship, you must respect her personal development. Allow her to enjoy her life as an individual while remaining supportive of her life changes.

Of course, there's a chance she'll leave when she's 24 or even younger. But, I think, that's the risk of every partnership. I suppose you have to determine if you want to accept that risk, knowing that this particular, potential connection comes with a greater risk overall.

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[JRabbit]

5 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

A red flag? what a load of nonsense  

Have you considered that their date went really well, good chemistry, fun, good banter?

 

 

Yeah, I still think 18 is young to be sleeping with someone you just met. JMO