What does 'we'll see' mean when I asked to work things out?

[Lovelorn_lady]

I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago because it was the second time in 2 weeks we were supposed to get together that he blew me off. I then later sent him a couple of long messages explaining that I didn’t really want to break up and a bunch of other things. He responded to me a bit later saying that he didn’t blow me off intentionally and that he sometimes gets wrapped up in things he’s doing and and spaces on things. He then said he didn’t try to hurt me on purpose. Yesterday I told him that I know he didn’t try to hurt me on purpose. I asked him to see me and that I wanted to work things out. He responded pretty quickly which may be a good sign. He said he was on his way out of town to see family and then said “we’ll see” in response to my asking to work things out. I told him to have a good time and a safe trip. Then to take the time he needs to think about things. He responded yesterday afternoon with “thanks” and “yeah, I will need some time to think.” I later responded with “you’re welcome” and then that I am glad he’s going to think about things. 
 

we haven’t heard from each other since. I am not sure what he means by “we’ll see” or what to do. I want to reach out to him and just ask, “how are you?” But then I keep thinking I should just wait a bit to see if he reaches out. If not, maybe after a few days? I’m sad he hasn’t reached out. I know it doesn’t mean he won’t. 

Any advice would be appreciated 
 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

we haven’t heard from each other since. I am not sure what he means by “we’ll see” or what to do. I want to reach out to him and just ask, “how are you?” But then I keep thinking I should just wait a bit to see if he reaches out. If not, maybe after a few days? I’m sad he hasn’t reached out. I know it doesn’t mean he won’t. 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? What does "spacing out" mean?

Give him space. Allow someone to process, reflect and breathe.  Don't suffocate.

Take this time to reflect for yourself if some who is tiptoeing out of the relationship and if "spacing out" is more important than you, is someone you want to waste your time on.

 Although impulsive and  manipulative, it was perhaps a good idea to break up. Listen to your instincts. He knows your contact info. No need to keep checking in. Let him miss you.

[Lovelorn_lady]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

14 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? What does "spacing out" mean?

We’ve been dating for about 8 months. He’s 40. I have no idea what he means by “spacing out.” He didn’t explain. 

[stillafool]

52 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He responded to me a bit later saying that he didn’t blow me off intentionally and that he sometimes gets wrapped up in things he’s doing and and spaces on things.

meaning he get's lost in what he's doing and forgets about other things going on around him.

54 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

“yeah, I will need some time to think.”  and  "we'll see"

Mean exactly the same thing.  The fact that he will need some time to think about it doesn't sound in your favor OP.

[glows]

At 40, I'd think someone would have their act together enough to be able to plan and follow through, OP. It is not hard. You can decide though whether you'll want to stick around with someone who doesn't follow through or "forgets" because there are too many other things going on. 

I'd rethink all of this and whether this relationship is one where you're happy or see yourself in long term. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by glows

[Lovelorn_lady]

Do you think he’ll reach out to me? Will he contact me? I feel sort of badly for breaking up with him, but you don’t blow off your girlfriend twice in 2 weeks. That’s not cool and unacceptable. The problem is, I later told him I didn’t want to break up. What the hell is wrong with me? Part of me wants him to contact me and part of me is so angry at him. 

[spiderowl]

Just from what you have said, my feeling is that he is not sure he wants this to work out.  You broke up with him - probably justifiably so, if he was not considering your feelings - and now you are asking to reconcile.  By doing that, you are putting him in a position of power over you.

If you think you have been unfair on him, then it is fair enough to take the risk that he might not want to reconcile.  If you have not been unfair on him and he was cooling off before you got annoyed with him, then asking to reconcile is probably not going to do you much good.

I think you need to decide who is at fault here - were you demanding and impatient and quick to jump to dumping him, or was he being disinterested and inconsiderate?  Think about whether it is worth reconciling or not.  Whatever you do, you are in the weaker position at the moment but if he does not indicate he wants you back or shows little interest in acting on a reconciliation, the you might be better off walking away.

Edited November 29, 2021 by spiderowl

[glows]

17 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Do you think he’ll reach out to me? Will he contact me? I feel sort of badly for breaking up with him, but you don’t blow off your girlfriend twice in 2 weeks. That’s not cool and unacceptable. The problem is, I later told him I didn’t want to break up. What the hell is wrong with me? Part of me wants him to contact me and part of me is so angry at him. 

I think you should have stuck to your reasons for the break up. This simmering resentment if he comes back isn't going to go away. The issue is that he takes you forgranted and seems to lead a busy life and you are not a priority. He should be the one apologizing to you and it's upside down and backside front right now with you apologizing for something that you didn't need to. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

Now he just sent me a text that said, “yeah, I’m still thinking.” What the hell does that mean? I haven’t contacted him since yesterday afternoon. I have done a good job of resisting. I think it really means, “hey, I’m still here.” Was he expecting me to contact him? I was giving him some space 

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now he just sent me a text that said, “yeah, I’m still thinking.” What the hell does that mean? I haven’t contacted him since yesterday afternoon. I have done a good job of resisting. I think it really means, “hey, I’m still here.” Was he expecting me to contact him? I was giving him some space 

Isn't this the same story? You're not a priority. It doesn't require a response so ignore. If it does require a response, make sure it's a good question. Something along the lines of: "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting and I need to plan better. How do I make this up to you? Are you available for dinner tomorrow?" is a reasonable question to respond to.

[LynneVicious]

Hes already I’d be a blown you off a few times and is ‘thinking’ about getting back together, my thoughts are he isn’t that into you. You should not have to beg someone to be with you or talk them into wanting to be with you.  Not saying you’re begging, but if he’s already blown you off a few times, it means you’re not a priority. And if he’s still thinking or says ‘we’ll see’ it means he could go either way. 

In any case, if someone is lukewarm about being with you or not making you a priority, you would be better off finding someone who does. This won’t end well. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by LynneVicious
Grammar

[Girl Fade Away]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

I think you should have stuck to your reasons for the break up. This simmering resentment if he comes back isn't going to go away. The issue is that he takes you forgranted and seems to lead a busy life and you are not a priority. He should be the one apologizing to you and it's upside down and backside front right now with you apologizing for something that you didn't need to. 

Emboldened, thank you!!   That is what I was thinking too.    OP, you better believe if he were into you the way a man should be into you, he would NOT be "spacing out," what a load of you know what.  You did the right thing ending it, please do not second guess yourself and go back.  That would be a massive mistake imo.

Edited November 29, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Alpacalia]

If you felt neglected in your relationship, you must give him the opportunity and time he needs to right the ship.

But now you've built an emotional barrier between the two of you, which complicates matters even more.

Why not use this time to reflect on what's wrong with your relationship, how you're actually feeling, and what you want to do next?

[Lovelorn_lady]

Now he texts and says, “you’re a good person… then my name which I won’t reveal for privacy reasons. What does he want? 

[Fox Sake]

58 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Do you think he’ll reach out to me? Will he contact me? I feel sort of badly for breaking up with him, but you don’t blow off your girlfriend twice in 2 weeks. That’s not cool and unacceptable. The problem is, I later told him I didn’t want to break up. What the hell is wrong with me? Part of me wants him to contact me and part of me is so angry at him. 

As bad of a thing it was to do and stand you up twice - Don’t ever break up with someone if you don’t mean it….
Try and find another way of communicating other than doing things to hurt someone for a reaction or a wake up call. Some times it’s a lot easier to just tell someone how their behaviour is effecting you.  
I wouldn’t go back to someone who used breaking up as a tool, because I would wonder at what point they will do it again.  

 

[Alpacalia]

Who cares.

Just ignore it.

3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now he texts and says, “you’re a good person… then my name which I won’t reveal for privacy reasons. What does he want? 

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[Lovelorn_lady]

I respond with “I haven’t been in touch because I’ve been giving you space.” Then he responds, “I know you have.” GAHHHH!!

[Fox Sake]

4 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I respond with “I haven’t been in touch because I’ve been giving you space.” Then he responds, “I know you have.” GAHHHH!!

Then just wait …. He didn’t ask you anything or give you anything to respond to. Don’t chase. He knows you want him and if he feels the same way he will let you know …. 

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I respond with “I haven’t been in touch because I’ve been giving you space.” Then he responds, “I know you have.” GAHHHH!!

Forget about all that.

Why do you think he kept blowing you off?

You need to get to the heart of the matter of your eight-month relationship right now. 

Let him have his space.

That means you'll have to do some reflection without his participation because right now you two are in the middle of a power struggle which will work against you from reaching resolve.

 

 

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[Girl Fade Away]

16 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

What does he want? 

He wants OUT, sorry to say.   Even though you ended it, he feels guilty cuz he kind of forced you to do it.  A forced dump.  Hence the "you are a good person blah blah."   

Honestly Lovelorn_lady, this is done.   If you cannot resist the urge to respond back to his lame messages, block him and begin the process of moving on.

It's sad, it hurts.  But it's the only thing you can do.   It's over.   

Edited November 30, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now he just sent me a text that said, “yeah, I’m still thinking.” What the hell does that mean? I haven’t contacted him since yesterday afternoon. I have done a good job of resisting. I think it really means, “hey, I’m still here.” Was he expecting me to contact him? I was giving him some space 

Isn't it obvious what's going on?  He's not jumping at the chance to get back with you.  He's ambivalent and unsure about it, and dragging his feet.  And this is a guy who was not even super into you in the first place when you were dating.  He would "forget" to text you and blow off plans with you when you were dating.  That is a man who didn't consider you a priority and is not that into you.  Stop disrespecting yourself by chasing a guy who is not that excited about being with you.  Find someone who actually wants to be with you.

[Lovelorn_lady]

So, we exchanged some messages. Everything was okay until this:

“You went to 3 concerts this week and I haven’t seen you in over a week. You would have dumped me too if I didn’t show up twice and didn’t make time for you. “ 

he responded:

” I probably would have a problem with that if you did it to me.” Probably? 
 

I sent him this: “That’s the thing, I wouldn’t do it.”

then.. “I don’t want to argue and fight. Let’s talk when we’ve cooled down. We’re just having a fight right now, alright.”

Then…. 

“I’m pretty upset still, as you can tell,  and I need time to cool off before I say things I don’t mean. I’m mad at you and I can’t talk to you objectively when I feel like this.”

 

but he was comparing me to an ex girlfriend when he sent me this message: “My last girlfriend had a hard time understanding what I was all about. It drove her nuts.” 
 

That’s not the problem. It’s him not making time for me. 

Now I ruined everything by telling him “before I say things I don’t mean.” To him, I probably have an anger issue. I don’t. 
 

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

He sounds like he has mostly lost interest in this relationship, OP.

When a man is really into you, he doesn't "space" on seeing his own girlfriend. He's just not that bothered about you anymore, unfortunately. I think he is about to pull the plug on this, and not because you called him out on flaking - but because his heart isn't really in it any longer. 

 

[Alpacalia]

Everything was not okay.

He was already drifting away before this, and you went chasing after him by sending him all those negative messages.

Try to learn to be less impulsive.

I understand how you feel, and your wants and feelings are still important. You have the right to be upset and hurt. However, before making your next move, you can simply sit with and absorb the emotions. Appreciate what they are trying to tell you.

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

So, we exchanged some messages. Everything was okay until this:

“You went to 3 concerts this week and I haven’t seen you in over a week. You would have dumped me too if I didn’t show up twice and didn’t make time for you. “ 

he responded:

” I probably would have a problem with that if you did it to me.” Probably? 
 

I sent him this: “That’s the thing, I wouldn’t do it.”

then.. “I don’t want to argue and fight. Let’s talk when we’ve cooled down. We’re just having a fight right now, alright.”

Then…. 

“I’m pretty upset still, as you can tell,  and I need time to cool off before I say things I don’t mean. I’m mad at you and I can’t talk to you objectively when I feel like this.”

 

but he was comparing me to an ex girlfriend when he sent me this message: “My last girlfriend had a hard time understanding what I was all about. It drove her nuts.” 
 

That’s not the problem. It’s him not making time for me. 

Now I ruined everything by telling him “before I say things I don’t mean.” To him, I probably have an anger issue. I don’t. 

This is all wrong, @Lovelorn_lady. When someone you're in a relationship with treats you wrong in such a fundamental way, you don't hang around arguing about why what they did was wrong. You leave.

What you're facing here is somebody who doesn't like you enough or enjoy your company enough to make an effort to show up. He doesn't respect you enough to let you know he's not going to show up either. He was excited about those concerts. That's why he showed up for them. He cares more about the concerts than he cares about you. And you need him (or need to be in the relationship) more than he needs you (or needs to be with you).

You can't make someone want to spend time with you. You can't make someone enjoy your company. There's no dignity in what you're doing (trying to fix things with someone who doesn't want them fixed). It makes it seem like you're desperate to be with him even if he treats you like crap.

The part of you that got angry with him and dumped him is the part of you that is reacting normally to the situation. You need to let it handle everything going forward.

He isn't a guy who just forgot to show up. He's a guy who can't be bothered to empathize with you and realize how much this passive aggressive break-up in slow motion is hurting you. If he were a caring guy, he would have ended things with you in a straightforward way. You're spending too much time focusing on his words. Forget the words. Just focus on his treatment of you: his actions. Understand that they mean he has rejected you. Accept that he has rejected you. Allow your ego to feel wounded. It won't last forever. You see, his rejection doesn't mean that you're unworthy of being loved. It just means you're not right for each other. Once you realize that, you'll start to get over it. Then you'll start to notice the many ways in which you two were incompatible and you'll start to feel relieved that it is all over. Eventually, you'll be in a position to start dating again, and you can start to date somebody who is genuinely excited to be with you and can't wait to hear your voice or to be in the same space as you.

It makes a world of difference to be with someone who is actively present and is unambiguously choosing to be with you. Don't waste another second on someone who is ambivalent about you because if you have low self-esteem (which seems to be the case) his ambivalence will make you believe you're not good enough.