What does 'we'll see' mean when I asked to work things out?

[spiderowl]

8 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now he texts and says, “you’re a good person… then my name which I won’t reveal for privacy reasons. What does he want? 

It has always got to be your decision but personally I would not respond. Maybe he’s just thinking out loud. No response is needed. Let him think and you get on with your life. If he wants to be with you, he will do something more constructive, like phoning you or suggesting a meet.

He sounded half-hearted before, or at least was taking you for granted. You objected to that and left. You have now asked to reconcile. It’s up to him to make that happen now if he wants to. Don’t get drawn into trying to convince him or he won’t respect you and you’ll end up in the ‘taking you for granted’ situation again.

[spiderowl]

3 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

then.. “I don’t want to argue and fight. Let’s talk when we’ve cooled down but he was comparing me to an ex girlfriend when he sent me this message: “My last girlfriend had a hard time understand what I was all about. It drove her nuts.” 
 

That’s not the problem. It’s him not making time for me.
 

 

 

 

That’s the problem - he was going to other things and not making time for you. He has ‘form’ on this. He is telling you his previous girlfriend(s?) found it annoying and upsetting too.

It is natural to find his behaviour upsetting. He is the one who is not ‘getting’ it. He may have lost interest in you, hence his behaviour, or this could be where he is testing just how much disrespect and neglect you will put up with. You walked and that was probably the best thing to do if talking to him didn’t work. He is now trying to pull your strings by blaming you for not ‘getting’ him. 
 
If you stand up to him on this, then maybe things could work between you, but what good will tolerating his disrespect do you in the long run? Don’t let feelings of love and attachment blind you to signs of disrespect.

[clia]

This is honestly just cringey.  The two of you aren't compatible -- he isn't giving you what you want, and you aren't understanding what he wants.

Quote

 

So, we exchanged some messages. Everything was okay until this:

“You went to 3 concerts this week and I haven’t seen you in over a week. You would have dumped me too if I didn’t show up twice and didn’t make time for you. “ 

he responded:

” I probably would have a problem with that if you did it to me.” Probably? 

 

Did you actually make plans with him and he stood you up, or he just had other plans and didn't have time to get together?
 

Quote

 

I sent him this: “That’s the thing, I wouldn’t do it.”

then.. “I don’t want to argue and fight. Let’s talk when we’ve cooled down. We’re just having a fight right now, alright.”

Then…. 

“I’m pretty upset still, as you can tell,  and I need time to cool off before I say things I don’t mean. I’m mad at you and I can’t talk to you objectively when I feel like this.”

 

He asks you for space, and now you brought it all up again and are fighting with him.  This kind of talk, talk, talk drives most men crazy.  Rather than getting into all of this again, you should be giving him space all the way to China.  

Quote

but he was comparing me to an ex girlfriend when he sent me this message: “My last girlfriend had a hard time understanding what I was all about. It drove her nuts.” 

And he's saying that you aren't understanding him either.  You are likely not compatible.  It's hard to say what he's about based on what you've posted.  Some people don't need a lot of together time; some people do.  He might be perfectly happy to see his girlfriend once a week at this point in the relationship, and needs a girlfriend who wants the same thing.  
 

Quote

That’s not the problem. It’s him not making time for me. 

You aren't a priority to him.  He's shown you who he is -- you can either accept it or not.  
 

Quote

Now I ruined everything by telling him “before I say things I don’t mean.” To him, I probably have an anger issue. I don’t. 

No, you haven't.  Stop clinging to a guy who isn't giving you what you need.  Go find a guy who will make time for you.  My advice to you would be to just move on.  I don't see this going anywhere that isn't going to lead to a lot of anger and disappointment on your part.  Go be happy; stop wasting time on this guy.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, clia said:

Did you actually make plans with him and he stood you up, or he just had other plans and didn't have time to get together?

I'm wondering if it was just a one-time occurrence where he wanted to do something different that week and have some time on his own and she ended things with him because of it.

You haven't really specified, OP, and it could be beneficial for you to think about these things, not for this relationship, but for the next one.

The difference here is that your boyfriend confirmed that it was a problem on his behalf, and that his former girlfriend objected to it too. Perhaps his previous girlfriend left him because of it as well.

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[clia]

14 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I'm wondering if it was just a one-time occurrence where he wanted to do something different that week and have some time on his own and she ended things with him because of it.

Yeah, the reason I asked is that he's showing a lot of signs of a guy who is feeling smothered. 

[ShyViolet]

13 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

So, we exchanged some messages. Everything was okay until this:

“You went to 3 concerts this week and I haven’t seen you in over a week. You would have dumped me too if I didn’t show up twice and didn’t make time for you. “ 

he responded:

” I probably would have a problem with that if you did it to me.” Probably? 
 

I sent him this: “That’s the thing, I wouldn’t do it.”

then.. “I don’t want to argue and fight. Let’s talk when we’ve cooled down. We’re just having a fight right now, alright.”

Then…. 

“I’m pretty upset still, as you can tell,  and I need time to cool off before I say things I don’t mean. I’m mad at you and I can’t talk to you objectively when I feel like this.”

but he was comparing me to an ex girlfriend when he sent me this message: “My last girlfriend had a hard time understanding what I was all about. It drove her nuts.” 
That’s not the problem. It’s him not making time for me. 

Now I ruined everything by telling him “before I say things I don’t mean.” To him, I probably have an anger issue. I don’t. 
 

This is absolutely ridiculous.  Why are you wasting all this energy arguing with him?  He's made it clear as day that he's not that interested in you and he is not going to make you a priority in his life.  It's kind of immature to hang on to this relationship and try to force it to work.  You can't MAKE him want to be with you.  When someone isn't putting effort into a relationship with you and indifferent about you at best, you walk away.  You don't cling to him and keep arguing with him.

[flitzanu]

"What does 'we'll see' mean when I asked to work things out?"

 

it means:

 

"no, but i'm saying it in a way that won't hurt your feelings and doesn't give you a clear answer"

 

[Lovelorn_lady]

I did send him a message this morning saying that I don’t want to fight anymore and that I want to work things out, but that it takes two and I will understand if he doesn’t want to. Then he texted back and said, “yeah, we don’t need to fight.” I then sent one that said, “I’m sorry I got mad at you, if you need more time and space I’ll give it to you and I’m totally respectful of that. Then just now sent one that said, “I also just want to say I’m sorry I hurt you.” I know I shouldn’t be apologizing to him, and he’s the one who should be apologizing. It’s just the kind of person I am, I guess. I do think he realizes his behavior caused all this. I know he feels bad. 

[Alpacalia]

Okay, that was a nice exchange.

Now, just let it go.

If he wants things to work out, he knows where to find you.

Try to take this time to figure out what it is that YOU WANT AND NEED from a relationship.

Either way, you'll be okay.

[Lovelorn_lady]

3 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I'm wondering if it was just a one-time occurrence where he wanted to do something different that week and have some time on his own and she ended things with him because of it.

You haven't really specified, OP, and it could be beneficial for you to think about these things, not for this relationship, but for the next one.

The difference here is that your boyfriend confirmed that it was a problem on his behalf, and that his former girlfriend objected to it too. Perhaps his previous girlfriend left him because of it as well.

Yes, we made definite plans. I am thinking his last girlfriend left him because of this behavior, too. Otherwise he would have had no reason to bring it up. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I did send him a message this morning

I then sent one that said

Then just now sent one that said

Stop texting him.

[Lovelorn_lady]

What I don’t understand is if he really wanted out, why did he contact me yesterday? Why would he even bother? I have the feeling he doesn’t really want out, but wants me to understand what he wants. How am I supposed to know that if he doesn’t tell me what he wants? I am going to continue to give him space and see what happens. 

[Alpacalia]

Both of you need a time out.

Stop texting each other.

Don't text him and don't respond when he texts.

Keep posting here, go for a walk, hang out with friends, but just STOP.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I am going to continue to give him space and see what happens. 

But you're not "giving him space". Your texting too much. Trying to have  relationship talks, begging, pleading , etc. All super unattractive turn-offs. Stop.

Space is for you to reflect. It will also give you a clear read on things .

[Lovelorn_lady]

He sent a message back just now saying, “you didn’t hurt too much.” I am not sure if he meant, “you didn’t hurt me too much” in response to my apologizing for hurting him, or if he meant I didn’t hurt much. Huh? What kind of a response is that? 

[Lovelorn_lady]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

But you're not "giving him space". Your texting too much. Trying to have  relationship talks, begging, pleading , etc. All super unattractive turn-offs. Stop.

Space is for you to reflect. It will also give you a clear read on things .

Well, that’s why I said I’m going to give him space. I’m not going to text him again. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

We made plans to spend the day away together next week for my birthday. Then go to a concert that night. Should I assume those plans aren’t happening? Is it okay to ask him if we still have plans for that, or should I not bother? I do kind of need to know. With it being my birthday, other people want to spend time with me, too. 

[Alpacalia]

Yes, you should probably make other arrangements with your friends.

It will be a good time to spend time with your friends and get some much needed distance for yourself.

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[Girl Fade Away]

44 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He sent a message back just now saying, “you didn’t hurt too much.” I am not sure if he meant, “you didn’t hurt me too much” in response to my apologizing for hurting him, or if he meant I didn’t hurt much. Huh? What kind of a response is that? 

I would venture to guess he meant what's bolded which speaks volumes.  You did not hurt him, he does not care, best to leave him alone and take steps to move on.  

I agree with these words from Wiseman2.

But you're not "giving him space". Your texting too much. Trying to have  relationship talks, begging, pleading , etc. All super unattractive turn-offs. Stop.

Do NOT respond to his last text, it doesn't warrant one.   

Regarding your plans next week, you are broken up, remember?  So yes I would assume those plans are off.  Time to go NO CONTACT.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I’m not going to text him again. 

Why do you keep bothering him?

[Lovelorn_lady]

He did text again a little while ago and said, “we’ll spend some time together.” I wrote back and told him I would like that and then asked when can we do that? Does this also mean he wants to work things out? 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Personally I would not grovel for his attention. He seems to be stringing you along. If it was me, I’d take my scissors, snip the strings and date others who show by actions they are eager and interested to go out with me.

Edited December 1, 2021 by ClearEyes-FullHeart

[Girl Fade Away]

12 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He did text again a little while ago and said, “we’ll spend some time together.” I wrote back and told him I would like that and then asked when can we do that? 

That my dear is what is known as a 'breadcrumb."  A non-committal generic "we'll spend time together," with no day, time or place or anything else. In other words, NOTHING.  And there you are jumping like a puppy asking "when we can we do that"?   Almost like begging.

Girl, at this point I have no idea how to advise, you will have to learn this the hard way.  All the best and we will be here when this all comes crumbling down.   

[Claire00]

On 11/29/2021 at 11:17 PM, Lovelorn_lady said:

I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago because it was the second time in 2 weeks we were supposed to get together that he blew me off. I then later sent him a couple of long messages explaining that I didn’t really want to break up and a bunch of other things. He responded to me a bit later saying that he didn’t blow me off intentionally and that he sometimes gets wrapped up in things he’s doing and and spaces on things. He then said he didn’t try to hurt me on purpose. Yesterday I told him that I know he didn’t try to hurt me on purpose. I asked him to see me and that I wanted to work things out. He responded pretty quickly which may be a good sign. He said he was on his way out of town to see family and then said “we’ll see” in response to my asking to work things out. I told him to have a good time and a safe trip. Then to take the time he needs to think about things. He responded yesterday afternoon with “thanks” and “yeah, I will need some time to think.” I later responded with “you’re welcome” and then that I am glad he’s going to think about things. 
 

we haven’t heard from each other since. I am not sure what he means by “we’ll see” or what to do. I want to reach out to him and just ask, “how are you?” But then I keep thinking I should just wait a bit to see if he reaches out. If not, maybe after a few days? I’m sad he hasn’t reached out. I know it doesn’t mean he won’t. 

Any advice would be appreciated 
 

If I got “We’ll see” as an answer I would leave this guy. Of course this is just me. But I believe everyone deserves someone who makes you feel wanted, who wants to spend time with you and for sure someone who can’t go to sleep leaving unsolved issues like that.  
So my question is does this person show you the interest you desire in a relationship? 
For now I would suggest to take your distance and let him reach out for once if he wants to.

[Lovelorn_lady]

24 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

That my dear is what is known as a 'breadcrumb."  A non-committal generic "we'll spend time together," with no day, time or place or anything else. In other words, NOTHING.  And there you are jumping like a puppy asking "when we can we do that"?   Almost like begging.

Then what should I have said? I was simply asking when. I have to plan my time with a full time job and school. That’s the only reason I asked that.