What does 'we'll see' mean when I asked to work things out?

[Lovelorn_lady]

Of course, dummy me tells him about my day. Is there no salvation?? This is what I said to him, “I did a little shopping this morning. Had one of my classes for school. Just chilling with the dogs  and doing homework right now.” 

[basil67]

We can't help you if you won't help yourself.

[larsen]

2 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He texts me a lot when I try to distance myself

Typical guy behavior. They want what they can't have. You make it too easy, they lose interest.

 

[Lovelorn_lady]

It’s me?? These are his last messages to me: “Sounds like you’ve had a nice and relaxing day.” Then 5 minutes ago, “Sometime we’ll have to meet up soon.” And this is me???? I’m clingy?

p

[Lovelorn_lady]

These were his recent messages that I haven’t responded to; 

First: “Sounds like you’ve had a nice and relaxing day.” 
Now this: “Sometime we’ll have to meet up soon .” 

HELP!!! 

[Lovelorn_lady]

I said this to him, it took a lot, but I said it: 

“

I’d like to meet up sometime soon, whenever, sure, sometime. That’s the best I can get 
from you? Vague. 

I’m moving on. 
Sorry.”

[basil67]

Good for you.  Great choice.

And for what it's worth, I don't think that your messages chased him away.  I think that he either he'd lost interest or doesn't give a dumper a second chance.  (Plenty of people have strict rules about not giving a dumper a second chance) 

[Lovelorn_lady]

Does he realize this IS HIM?? I get a response, “calm down.” Then, “stop being sassy.” What the hell?? I wasn’t being sassy. I was being honest, 

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

It’s me?? These are his last messages to me: “Sounds like you’ve had a nice and relaxing day.” Then 5 minutes ago, “Sometime we’ll have to meet up soon.” And this is me???? I’m clingy?

p

My goodness.  All this guy's texts to you are so bland and generic.  I can't for the life of me figure out why you're so obsessed with this guy anyway.  He sounds like a very boring person.    These are the texts of someone who doesn't have feelings for you, he's just texting you out of boredom.  Stop making so much of every little text he sends you.  These texts are meaningless.  Crumbs, they truly are.  

[ShyViolet]

3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Does he realize this IS HIM?? I get a response, “calm down.” Then, “stop being sassy.” What the hell?? I wasn’t being sassy. I was being honest, 

You need to stop over-analyzing every single little word to death that he is texting you.  Enough already.

Who cares what he is saying?  You have control over your own life.  You don't need his consent to end this correspondence with him.  You can just make a decision and put an end to this already.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Does he realize this IS HIM?? I get a response, “calm down.” Then, “stop being sassy.” What the hell?? I wasn’t being sassy. I was being honest, 

He doesn't care if it's him. 

His emotions are not invested the way yours are, and he isn't afraid to lose you the way you're afraid to lose him. Good for you for telling him you're moving on - now you need tp actually do it. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I’d like to meet up sometime soon, whenever, sure, sometime. That’s the best I can get 

from you? Vague. 

I’m moving on. 
Sorry.”

Another faux breakup? Why so intense and dramatic? Either say 'sure when you get back let's have coffee' or say no. In a way you seem to want out anyway.

This is the second faux breakup and you're doing everything you can think of to get a reaction but at the same time sabotage the whole thing.

[Fox Sake]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Another faux breakup? Why so intense and dramatic? Either say 'sure when you get back let's have coffee' or say no. In a way you seem to want out anyway.

This is the second faux breakup and you're doing everything you can think of to get a reaction but at the same time sabotage the whole thing.

It’s a shame.  I felt yesterday there was a window where she was taking some power back. 
Now there’s almost zero chance now with another breakup-reaction like that! Either he will respect himself and realise he doesn’t want to be treated like that, or OP will burn it to the ground and realise she should have been treated with more respect from the start. Definitely some healthy lessons to be learned from all this and with all these updates , i hope the OP does decide to call it a day and leave with some integrity and self respect while there is still some to be had.  

[larsen]

9 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Does he realize this IS HIM?? I get a response, “calm down.” Then, “stop being sassy.” What the hell?? I wasn’t being sassy. I was being honest, 

It's not "him". He's good with occasional contact here and there. You want more. You're not on the same page.

I don't understand the need to tell him you're moving on. What did you expect to accomplish by saying that to him?

If you intend to move on, then simply move on. At least the door would have still been opened a crack, maybe he would have come around in time, maybe not, but now that the door is slammed shut yet a second time, that bridge is finally burned for good. You didn't gain anything and you might have lost a potential dating partner although the odds were rather slim. That much being said, you realized when you pulled back he'd text you more. That's how you build attraction with some guys early in the game, and that's why they call it a game. They like the mystery, the thrill of the chase. They want what they can't get so easily, it has higher perceived value.

You come on too strong, too needy of his time and attention, most of the time you're going to lose.

 

[Alpacalia]

The admonition to quit texting each other must have rung hollow.

 

 

[Lovelorn_lady]

After I told him I was moving on, he said to me, “Here’s the deal, I do want to see you.” I then said, “why don’t you then?” He responded with, “okay, tomorrow night.” I answered, “whatever.” He said, “I know you don’t believe me.” I said, “why should I?” Then he said, “I know I ditched you at times.” I responded with, “at times??”  He said, “I understand how you feel.” I asked him, “how would you feel?” He said, “I’d feel very withdrawn.” I told him, “I feel we’re not a couple anymore. I feel very hurt. Other things are more important you. I do feel withdrawn. Then “nevermind” and “I don’t want to argue.” He says, “let’s not argue, I agree.” After that, I could tell things were starting to go in the wrong direction. I just told him I was going to bed and I’ll see him tomorrow. He replied, “Yes! Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow.” So, that’s where we left it. Hopefully he’ll follow through and show up this time. 

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He says, “let’s not argue, I agree.” After that, I could tell things were starting to go in the wrong direction. I just told him I was going to bed and I’ll see him tomorrow. He replied, “Yes! Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow.” So, that’s where we left it. Hopefully he’ll follow through and show up this time. 

Do you really want all this combat either through text or in general? He got it. He blows you off and you're irate. You ended it twice so far in a fit. 

However it's your call, not his, whether you chose to continue this game or move forward with someone who is more respectful toward you. If you have to beg, plead, fight, break up, get nasty, etc. in order for someone to simply show up, is that worth your while?

[Lovelorn_lady]

56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you really want all this combat either through text or in general? He got it. He blows you off and you're irate. You ended it twice so far in a fit. 

No, I don’t! But I’m not accepting answers from him anymore like, “sometime soon, soon, whenever, etc.” When I told him I was moving on last night, it may have prompted him to finally suggest getting together tonight. It shouldn’t have to be like that. Not showing up is unacceptable. Of course I’m going to be irate. It wasn’t just once it happened, but twice. That would make anyone break up with someone. Hopefully he’ll show up tonight. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

That would make anyone break up with someone. Hopefully he’ll show up tonight. 

Have you read the book "I Hate You-- Don't Leave Me"  by  Jerold J. Kreisman, MD.? It seems to describe this last sentence quite well. no?

[Lovelorn_lady]

I will say for sure though, that of doesn’t show up tonight or cancels on me, we will be done for good. 

[larsen]

This time it will really be over.

 

[Alpacalia]

This is all well and good, but what happens if you do get back together and he cancels plans with you in the future because he prefers to spend time with his friends?

Will you be okay with it?

Breaking up every time he wants to hang out with his friends isn't going to be a viable long term solution.

Edited December 2, 2021 by Alpaca

[Lovelorn_lady]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

 

This is all well and good, but what happens if you do get back together and he cancels plans with you in the future because he prefers to spend time with his friends?

Will you be okay with it?

 

As long as he lets me know. I don’t have an issue with it. 

[Alpacalia]

26 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

As long as he lets me know. I don’t have an issue with it. 

 Haven't you already asked that of him in the past though?

[serial muse]

If you didn't block him at him saying "calm down" I don't know what it will take. Blech, this guy. 

He's basically told you that he has a pattern of doing this in relationships, and that that's "what he's all about" and take it or leave it. He knows it's not cool and that he wouldn't like that behavior directed at him. He knows he's selfish and he likes the dynamic this way. This really isn't going to change, OP. You should just get out now, truly. Whether or not he showed up tonight, you can't count on him going forward. He'll keep you dangling because he likes it that way. Seriously, why sign up for more of the same?