MM tells me he has feelings for me

[lovebuzz]

16 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

lovebuzz, how long has it been since you received this?  I asked this earlier but you didn't answer, have you heard from him at all since he sent it?

If you have not heard from him, how long before realizing he is not returning, another week, month, year?  

The email was sent on Mon., Nov. 29th at 6:41pm.

I saw him drive by today on his way to go somewhere while i was practicing my serve accross the street from my house.  He beeped the horn and I waved.

I figure after the holidays he may try to reach out.

I'm pretty sure he is suffering also.

[RebeccaR]

She’s taken him back at least 10 times in 38 years, I guess she’ll take him back 11

[RebeccaR]

One more thought. I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself that you would tolerate him straying if you two ended up together. Every time you saw him on his phone, you would be jealous. You flatter yourself that you are the complete package, but realistically, he will always have others. Think very carefully and honestly about all the situations you’ll be forced to deal with as his partner. I think the worst will be when he starts playing tennis with another lady. 

[lovebuzz]

Just now, RebeccaR said:

One more thought. I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself that you would tolerate him straying if you two ended up together. Every time you saw him on his phone, you would be jealous. You flatter yourself that you are the complete package, but realistically, he will always have others. Think very carefully and honestly about all the situations you’ll be forced to deal with as his partner. I think the worst will be when he starts playing tennis with another lady. 

Thank you, but I respectfully disagree.  In this area, I am one of the best female players.  there is one better than me, but she is not a viable candidate. 

And as far as the phone, I would not worry about who he is talking to.  I would not spend my time like that.... really.  If he cheats... he cheats.  I'm not going to get all bent out of shape.

[lovebuzz]

4 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

Thank you, but I respectfully disagree.  In this area, I am one of the best female players.  there is one better than me, but she is not a viable candidate. 

And as far as the phone, I would not worry about who he is talking to.  I would not spend my time like that.... really.  If he cheats... he cheats.  I'm not going to get all bent out of shape.

My Dad once told me when I was upset a boyfriend cheated on me over 40 yrs ago... "What are you worried about?... it doesn't wear out."

Edited December 2, 2021 by lovebuzz

[mark clemson]

3 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

Hopefully the wife will leave him after he returns.  As mentioned previously, I beleive his liklihood of returning is great due to his addiction.

Fair enough. I suspect that the comment above about her taking him back yet again is likely to be true. Since you're not really doing anything else you might wait and see - but I agree with your therapist, the likely situation is that if he does return it's to continue the affair more "secretly" (but he's not likely to actually leave). But you are an adult and can make your own choices WRT these kinds of things. If this is all ok with you, it's ultimately your choice to continue with it.

[lovebuzz]

24 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Fair enough. I suspect that the comment above about her taking him back yet again is likely to be true. Since you're not really doing anything else you might wait and see - but I agree with your therapist, the likely situation is that if he does return it's to continue the affair more "secretly" (but he's not likely to actually leave). But you are an adult and can make your own choices WRT these kinds of things. If this is all ok with you, it's ultimately your choice to continue with it.

Yes, I will take a wait and see attitude. 

Originally my plan has been to let him know that I would not have sex with him unless he files divorce papers.  However, it is clear that will not work.

However, although she has taken him back numerous times, I don't believe she will stay in the marriage if he cheats on her endlessly.  I think there has got to be a limit to how much she is willing to endure. 

I'm thinking a better plan would probably be to let him cheat with me until she has had enough and files for divorce.

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

I don't believe she will stay in the marriage if he cheats on her endlessly.

I'm thinking a better plan would probably be to let him cheat with me until she has had enough and files for divorce.

And then, you win! Lucky you.  

Edited December 2, 2021 by BaileyB

[lovebuzz]

6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

And then, you win! Well done.

I know you are being sarcastic and I understand it is definitely not flattering.  I would not tell this to anyone I know.  I am not looking to impress anyone... just being honest.  Thank god for anonymous forums.  I don't think I would even say that to my therapist. 

Edited December 2, 2021 by lovebuzz

[Brian1223]

10 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

Yes, I will take a wait and see attitude. 

Originally my plan has been to let him know that I would not have sex with him unless he files divorce papers.  However, it is clear that will not work.

However, although she has taken him back numerous times, I don't believe she will stay in the marriage if he cheats on her endlessly.  I think there has got to be a limit to how much she is willing to endure. 

I'm thinking a better plan would probably be to let him cheat with me until she has had enough and files for divorce.

You can't actually be serious!! If so, that is utterly sad. 

 

 

Edited December 2, 2021 by Brian1223

[lovebuzz]

Just now, Brian1223 said:

You can't actually be serious!! If so, that is utterly sad. 

 

 

Agreed

[ExpatInItaly]

You sound like an extremely lonely woman, OP. 

Do you have many friends in real life? 

[lovebuzz]

20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You sound like an extremely lonely woman, OP. 

Do you have many friends in real life? 

I do.  My good friends don't live close to me so I don't see them in person that often but we do speak on the phone.  I also have 3 sisters and a brother.... close family. 

I ran this situation over with them and they agree that the email he sent was written by his wife and that he will return eventually.

Edited December 2, 2021 by lovebuzz

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, lovebuzz said:

I do.  My good friends don't live close to me so I don't see them in person that often but we do speak on the phone.  I also have 3 sisters and a brother.... close family. 

I ran this situation over with them and they agree that the email he sent was written by his wife and that he will return eventually.

You are really stuck on this point, but it's irrelevant. 

He is still married to her, and a future with you is extraordinarily unlikely. That is what counts. Not the letter. The bigger picture here does not lean in your favour, despite how hard you're trying to make the facts fit your narrative. 

I have a hard time believing your friends and family support your affair with a serial cheating sex addict. My family would want better for me than that, and would hold me to a much higher standard. I'm quite astonished that yours evidently don't. 

[spiderowl]

4 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

However, although she has taken him back numerous times, I don't believe she will stay in the marriage if he cheats on her endlessly.  I think there has got to be a limit to how much she is willing to endure. 

I'm thinking a better plan would probably be to let him cheat with me until she has had enough and files for divorce.

Had you considered that she might be used to this and has decided she’s not going to leave him or divorce? She’s probably treating him like an addict and keeping herself safe by not having sex with him. She must have plenty of evidence for divorce now if she wanted to. In the U.K. you don’t have to have evidence to get a divorce anyway. She could have done it by now if she had wanted to.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

I had nothing going on before him and I still have nothing going on as far as romance is concerned...

That's ok. Now that this flirtation is over, you learned that you are ready to date.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting decent single men.

[lovebuzz]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You are really stuck on this point, but it's irrelevant. 

He is still married to her, and a future with you is extraordinarily unlikely. That is what counts. Not the letter. The bigger picture here does not lean in your favour, despite how hard you're trying to make the facts fit your narrative. 

I have a hard time believing your friends and family support your affair with a serial cheating sex addict. My family would want better for me than that, and would hold me to a much higher standard. I'm quite astonished that yours evidently don't. 

No one supports it.  I did not say that.

They just think the email was written by the wife and he will return.

Edited December 2, 2021 by lovebuzz

[lovebuzz]

3 hours ago, spiderowl said:

Had you considered that she might be used to this and has decided she’s not going to leave him or divorce? She’s probably treating him like an addict and keeping herself safe by not having sex with him. She must have plenty of evidence for divorce now if she wanted to. In the U.K. you don’t have to have evidence to get a divorce anyway. She could have done it by now if she had wanted to.

Yes, I have considered that.  I will find out eventually.

She is keeping him safe by watching him closely and limiting his interactions.  I'm pretty sure he is getting sex.... that is a priority for him.... probably part of his negotiation.

You don't need evidence for divorce here either.

[lovebuzz]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. Now that this flirtation is over, you learned that you are ready to date.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting decent single men.

I will do that eventually.... still recuperating from this.

Edited December 2, 2021 by lovebuzz

[lovebuzz]

19 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

No one supports it.

I have only told 4 people in real life.  Two sisters, a friend and my therapist.

[lovebuzz]

4 hours ago, spiderowl said:

Had you considered that she might be used to this and has decided she’s not going to leave him or divorce?

She is not used to it.  When she found out she left but then returned the next day.  This is the 3rd time she caught him.  She was freaking out and tried to talk to me but I did not answer the door when she rang the doorbell.  

[Gaeta]

52 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

I have only told 4 people in real life.  Two sisters, a friend and my therapist.

Your sisters don't want better for you? 

I think you need to go out there and date different men and you'll realize this one here is the type of men you find at the bottom of the barrel. 

[larsen]

8 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

I'm thinking a better plan would probably be to let him cheat with me until she has had enough and files for divorce.

Not withstanding that the whole situation and your approach to it is completely over the top sick and twisted, the strategy of giving him sex to lure him back to you, thereby "upping the ante" and giving him more reason to come back to you against the wishes of his wife, makes good strategic sense. Assuming of course that he ever does come back around. Since he was finally caught, it could be months or years if he ever chances it again. Most guys who cheat aren't willing to give up their comfortable lifestyle and give half their assets and pay spousal support to an exwife in exchange for some strange.

 

[Gaeta]

When you start having sex with a sex-addict, it's the beginning of the end. They start losing interest from the moment you have sex with them. And when OP says he's getting sex home, I doubt it. One symptoms of being a sex-addict is losing sexual interest in your partner. They need 'new' all the time. 

[pepperbird2]

op,

the more you talk about this guy, the more I really believe he's never going to be what you want him to be.

He sounds to very much like a little boy who likes sneaking behind mommy's back. Of course, if he gets a skinned knee, he'll go running back to mommy because that's where he feels safe. Without knowing it, she had given him a safe base of operations to run back to-a safe place to land.

I'm sorry to say you are not special to him, you are no different than any of the women he's already cheated with. He has done nothing to indicate anything any different. He's like those "love scams" one hears about that targets new widows/widowers. The words may be all there, but there's nothing to them. They're just words meant to help them get what they want.